Finding out about the death of a parent on facebook

[SarahRose]

How ticked off would you be if you found out about the death of your parent on facebook?

 

especially when you had been keeping regular contact about their condition.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I'd be pretty pissed off that someone couldn't take the time to tell me personally, but had plenty of time to log onto FB and tell everyone else.

[Kamille]

That would be surreal. I would be pissed.

[scatterd]

That would piss me off are you ok were you close.I am sorry for your loss.

[123BeachFan]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You definitely deserved to be told personally. FB is no way to find out about a parent's death.

 

I found out about a grandparent's death two days after the fact via a mass email sent out to friends and work acquaintances asking for donations in lieu of flowers, blah blah.

 

It says so much about the person who knew, but didn't think enough to call.

[KikiW]

That is atrocious!

 

I found out my grandmother died that way. My half-sister updated her facebook status and I saw it two hours later... I posted a message about how sorry I was and that I didn't realize her mother's mother had been ill. I got no response at all, but almost 3 hours later (5 hours after her status update) my father left a message on my voicemail that my grandmother had died.

 

I've spoken to my half-sister (and by spoken I mean very brief exchanges on facebook statuses) I think twice since last summer, and while my father stopped for a visit while blowing through town (I just smiled and nodded and said nothing of great interest), I have not spoken with him at all. Although it was really nice of him to recall my birthday well after it had already passed.

 

Family can really suck sometimes.

[DaisyLeigh]

That is how I found out about my grandma's death in November. My cousin posted a blurb about how she was glad her children got to meet their great-grandmother. (she lives 3000 miles from me and about 2500 from where her mom and my grandma lived) I honestly thought she meant her husband's grandma. Then, later in the day, I got to thinking and called my mother. Mom confirmed it.

 

I was pissed because my mother didn't take five minutes to tell me my grandma died. I forgave her because she was likely in shock as it was unexpected and she had been on the phone all day with her four siblings.

 

My cousin didn't mean any harm. She likely thought that my mom called me already.

[CLC2008]

I would be mad. A status update of a family member who just passed away, is a little weird to me.

[SarahRose]

Thank you all for sharing your stories about how you found out. It is a really crappy way to find out.

 

I had called to see how she was doing that weekend and then on Monday she went into the palliative care and nobody bothered to tell us that either.

 

So then she passes away around 5.00am which was 3.30am our time and then around 7am our time I read the religious nut relatives post on facebook saying she was with God now etc. So here it was 8.30am their time and nobody had bothered to call us and tell us she had passed. The sister in law who runs the show called us later in the day to apologize for them. Her excuse was not wanting to bother us at 3.00am but really they never bothered to tell us she was in the hospital.

[quankanne]

*hugs*

 

am very sorry to hear of your loss, SR ... and yeah, I'd be totally pissed if my relatives did that. One of the best things about having a hyper big sister and a huge extended family was that we've got a phone tree set up when it comes to losing someone. Sis called the other brothers and sisters when our mom died, and I called my aunt in California, who turned around and called her sibs (this was my mom's family) ... pretty much the same thing when we lost my dad, certain people called certain other ones and word got out. It took the burden off just one person making all the calls ... and kept the more passive-aggressive relatives out of the loop, as far as being responsible for letting others know information!

 

may your love one rest in peace

[CLC2008]

Thank you all for sharing your stories about how you found out. It is a really crappy way to find out.

 

I had called to see how she was doing that weekend and then on Monday she went into the palliative care and nobody bothered to tell us that either.

 

So then she passes away around 5.00am which was 3.30am our time and then around 7am our time I read the religious nut relatives post on facebook saying she was with God now etc. So here it was 8.30am their time and nobody had bothered to call us and tell us she had passed. The sister in law who runs the show called us later in the day to apologize for them. Her excuse was not wanting to bother us at 3.00am but really they never bothered to tell us she was in the hospital.

 

This was your parent and your sister-in-law tried to smooth it over?

 

If that's true, then I change my response from mad, to furious. Thank god my brother-in-law would never in a million years do something like that.

 

That's awful OP.

[Deeblondie82]

That is horrible!!! I would be so pissed off if that way said online somewhere and I wasnt notified of what happen then to read it on facebook or whatever.. I am soo sorrie for your loss!

[SarahRose]

This was your parent and your sister-in-law tried to smooth it over?

 

If that's true, then I change my response from mad, to furious. Thank god my brother-in-law would never in a million years do something like that.

 

That's awful OP.

 

It was my husband's parent. Yeah she tried to smooth it over blaming the other relative. No, the other relative shouldn't have been blabbing on facebook until they knew everyone had been told.

 

There was another sibling that wasn't told either. I ended up calling him to tell him.

 

You know, I didn't say anything to her or get into it with her. Why bother? It wouldn't change anything.

[KikiW]

Maybe it wouldn't have changed anything, but you have a right to be upset, and if you felt the need to say something, you would have had every right to say something. I didn't say anything to my family either, because past precedence has taught me that they just won't get it - either they'll pull a "huuuh? I don't know what you're referring to..." or a "oops, oh well. why are you so upset about this?" In the end I do feel better that I got it off my chest and to hell with them if they want to make it seem like I am being overly sensitive. This time I knew if I said something and got that response I would truly explode in a shower of ugliness.