I'm worried my family is breaking down.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Hey guys,

 

first of all, to the outside, my family is an amazingly tight unit and really we are. My mum is an angel who gave up work when I was born to look after me. Since then shes taken the traditional role and does EVERYTHING including working a part time job. None of us help with any of the chores because we've basically been raised to be spoilt. It sounds terrible but we've never made our own beds, taken our plates out, gotten ourselves drinks. My mum claims she 'loves' to do everything for us and that it makes her happy but even when I try to do something, she'll take it off of me and do it herself. I feel like my mum is basically a live-in slave. My brother doesn't even wake up by himself - my mum wakes him and he is 18. I am caught between feeling sorry for my mother who I love and feeling resentful that she still babies us and doesn't stand up for herself.

 

Despite this, my mum, my brother and I are really close. My dad is kind of the outsider figure. I've suspected my parents marriage wasn't close since I was about 8. I knew they loved each other but they never kiss, cuddle or touch. As far as I know they don't have sex (my dad sometimes comments on this in a 'jokey' way) and I can tell he is bored and resentful and have for a long time heard them having little sneaky arguments where basically my dad will be dissrespectful to my mum and my mum will ignore him and carry on what shes doing, making him angrier. I know they 'love' each other but I don't think they are IN love and though I love my family, my parents, my home and they have given me a WONDERFUL life, I feel our family is drifting apart. My mum doesn't like to go out and do anything and I think this is why my father is becoming bored, lonely and bitter. He doesn't really have any friends/hobbies outside the marriage and I think this is why i've always seen marriage and relationships as being 2 people always together as my parents are always together; well...in the house just in seperate rooms.

 

I think my dads obvious sadness really gets to me but I don't know how to reach out to him because he is stoic and wouldn't tell us kids what was wrong being our dad. But yet i'm aware my mum ignores him. I don't know that they'd ever split up but it just makes me sad. Sometimes I even feel guilty because I feel as their child I have gotten in between the two of them and ended their happy relationship.

 

I know as the parents they should be the ones to 'fix' this but it really upsets me because I feel us all drifting away. My parents have been amazing to me and it breaks my heart to think they might be unhappy together. I wish I could let them know its okay.

[pulsefloyd]

Hey guys,

 

first of all, to the outside, my family is an amazingly tight unit and really we are. My mum is an angel who gave up work when I was born to look after me. Since then shes taken the traditional role and does EVERYTHING including working a part time job. None of us help with any of the chores because we've basically been raised to be spoilt. It sounds terrible but we've never made our own beds, taken our plates out, gotten ourselves drinks. My mum claims she 'loves' to do everything for us and that it makes her happy but even when I try to do something, she'll take it off of me and do it herself. I feel like my mum is basically a live-in slave. My brother doesn't even wake up by himself - my mum wakes him and he is 18. I am caught between feeling sorry for my mother who I love and feeling resentful that she still babies us and doesn't stand up for herself.

 

Despite this, my mum, my brother and I are really close. My dad is kind of the outsider figure. I've suspected my parents marriage wasn't close since I was about 8. I knew they loved each other but they never kiss, cuddle or touch. As far as I know they don't have sex (my dad sometimes comments on this in a 'jokey' way) and I can tell he is bored and resentful and have for a long time heard them having little sneaky arguments where basically my dad will be dissrespectful to my mum and my mum will ignore him and carry on what shes doing, making him angrier. I know they 'love' each other but I don't think they are IN love and though I love my family, my parents, my home and they have given me a WONDERFUL life, I feel our family is drifting apart. My mum doesn't like to go out and do anything and I think this is why my father is becoming bored, lonely and bitter. He doesn't really have any friends/hobbies outside the marriage and I think this is why i've always seen marriage and relationships as being 2 people always together as my parents are always together; well...in the house just in seperate rooms.

 

I think my dads obvious sadness really gets to me but I don't know how to reach out to him because he is stoic and wouldn't tell us kids what was wrong being our dad. But yet i'm aware my mum ignores him. I don't know that they'd ever split up but it just makes me sad. Sometimes I even feel guilty because I feel as their child I have gotten in between the two of them and ended their happy relationship.

 

I know as the parents they should be the ones to 'fix' this but it really upsets me because I feel us all drifting away. My parents have been amazing to me and it breaks my heart to think they might be unhappy together. I wish I could let them know its okay.

 

Well you can make up for some of your behavior as a child now as an adult. Try to be a good adult and they will be happily proud of you.

 

How old are your parents? I;ve found as they grow older they grow closer.

[Nikki Sahagin]

They are in their 60's, they had us late.