My loveless father is getting the best of me, I need someone to listen.

[kittie s.]

(I wasn't sure if I should post this in Family or in the Coping section...so please tell me where it should be if I should move it.)

 

I've got a big problem: my father. I'd say there is a chance that he sees me as possibly the biggest mistake he has ever made in his life. I will explain that in a minute.

 

I'm in my twenties, still living at home because I got laid off from my full time job. I live in a very rural area, so I have been having tons of trouble finding a new job. While searching, I decided to start back to college and complete my bachelor's degree. I'm still open to getting a job and applying anywhere I can find, but for whatever reason, I haven't had any luck yet.

 

So now, let me explain more about my dad. My dad is so full of hate towards me, I can't even ask him to look at my car and help me fix it (so I can drive myself to wherever I need to go to find a job).

I can stand directly in front of him asking or conversing, and he pretends I'm not there. No response. No eye contact. I just simply don't exist.

 

If it sounds like I'm being the typical whiney girl, saying "ohhh poor me, my dad doesn't love me" because he won't give money for a brand new car or a new expensive outfit, then you don't understand what I'm trying to say. I have a car, it just needs a little work so I can drive it. I do not care about getting a new car or other things. I am upset because my dad shows NO concern for me, at all. He pretends I am not there. When he does speak to me, it's telling me that I need to "keep my mouth shut" & listen. But there is nothing to listen to because he won't speak to me in a normal conversation. I don't know him at all. He goes to church & pays them lots of money. He's super nice to people out in public. But when we're here, I just don't exist. And when he does decide that I exist, he says hurtful things & puts me down. He is an alcoholic and he also takes pain pills and other stuff just for highs. I swore off alcohol and drugs at a young age because I saw what it did to my father and older sister. But I never mention that to him or rub it in his face, instead it is he that does all of this attacking.

 

The other night, we had a big run-in. I have had the worst trouble with my car, and I want to take it to the shop, but I can't unless I can get it running. I went to his room and stood there in the doorway, asking if he'd help me get it started, and he just ignored me. Like I wasn't there. Like I have no voice. He pushed me over the edge that night. I started screaming and asking why don't I exist to him and he just told me to shut my mouth. "Oh, it'd be nice if we all could get things our way by just screaming like stupid babies," is what he said to me. He went outside slamming the door & I was inside crying and panicking and shaking. I just kinda snapped I guess. I ended up writhing on the floor crying, unable to breathe. It was a serious panic attack, or something worse. I have no idea. But it wasn't me at all. I have always been a laid back person, I avoid drama and I don't like fights. I like to talk things out and enjoy life. I have a free spirit, I love life and the world. But lately, it has been impossible to enjoy life. I'm trapped. Jobless, without a safe vehicle, & I feel like it is just impossible to just be able to relax and enjoy a day.

 

I wish I had a strong father figure, and I still feel guilty for saying that, because I do have a father. But what can I do when he acts like he hates me like this? I have never done anything to him. My sister stole money, and took so much advantage of my parents. I'm completely different from her, but for some reason, he calls her and talks to her pretty often, but he won't even look at the daughter that really needs her father.

 

How can I get past this? Lately I have been getting SO angry, at little things. Almost violently angry. I have to go find a place alone to be until I calm down. Is this a form of depression or something else? How do I deal?

[KikiW]

Sorry you're going through this

 

I think you need to find a way to leave the house. I know you're trying to find a new job and going back to school, but do you have any other family you can stay with? Do you have any friends with a couch you can crash on? Do you have any acquaintances or neighbors who know how to work on cars? It sounds to me like this has been a very long term problem and it's not going to change. So you need to make the change in order to be a happier person.

[fennel6]

Sorry you're going through this

 

I think you need to find a way to leave the house. I know you're trying to find a new job and going back to school, but do you have any other family you can stay with? Do you have any friends with a couch you can crash on? Do you have any acquaintances or neighbors who know how to work on cars? It sounds to me like this has been a very long term problem and it's not going to change. So you need to make the change in order to be a happier person.

 

+1.

 

Is there anybody else you can stay with? You need to get the heck away from your dad. His behavior towards you is dehumanizing.

[whichwayisup]

Get out. Seriously.. Stay with friends, or an aunt, or an uncle, a cousin .. Your dad has issues. It's not you... You've done nothing wrong! He's an alcoholic and abuses pain killers.. Enough said!

 

I am sorry that you're going through this, just know that what he thinks of you, doesn't define you as a person! You're a young adult, just starting out in life, and what your dad does, thinks, doesn't matter! What counts is YOU!!!

 

I know it's easier said than done, but turn it off around him. Make yourself not care. You don't need his approval... You're your own person!

 

Keep looking, you will find something..Anything, even if it means working at your local supermarket, or a clothing store, to make ends meet until you find something better..

 

Stay strong and don't let your dad get you down. He is screwed up in alot of ways and is taking it out on you.

[kittie s.]

Thanks so much for the support, guys. It has been a ROUGH time. But I managed to save enough money to get my car fixed by a professional. Step 1, right?

[whichwayisup]

You're welcome..

 

Glad to hear you got money, and the car is now fixed! Yup, step one.. Be proud of yourself. Each baby step is another step in the right direction.

 

Keep posting Kittie, we can help you through this!