Resentful towards my parents.........

[EMBeee]

Hello all, I am a 28 year old female who is also the product of an only child family. So in other words, I have ALWAYS been alone and kind of hate it. When my dad retired from the military, he moved me and my mom to a small town in Minnesota where I knew no one and everyone was pretty much racist against me because they had all formed their clicks from a young age and never saw a "bi-racial" girl before (I'm half asian and half white).

 

So... to fast forward a little, I had my first daughter when I was 19. Had my second when I was 21. Same father, we were together for 10 years - never married him - he was abusive and I finally left him about 2 1/2 years ago. Got into a long distance relationship that I am still happily in.

 

My significant other and I see each other about every other month and we take turns. I was just out to his state about two weeks ago and was thinking of going back since my kids and I have 4 days off next week and my bf's mother is having a wedding (getting re-married). I thought about taking my kids on this dreadful 18 hour drive but thought that they could get away from this sorry town for a couple days at least and do something adventurous.... well.... my mommy says I am not allowed to because I was just there. And how dare I want to take my kids on a roadtrip to see the White House!! So my ex happily said he would take the kids and I could go... he didn't have to take any extra days off for this either mind you. So my mom once again says... why the hell are you going there again??? A wedding?? then why the hell didn't you just take your trip this weekend instead of last weekend?? (reason is because at first I didn't think the days would work out for me so it really was a spur of the moment decision on my part since I just recently found out that the days would work out well)... You're not going! Your dad is gonna be mad at you and he said you shouldn't go either.... you're taking your car huh? Why do you even have to go?? You're just staying here! - and she called me at work to yell in my ear about all of this too believe it or not so I said fine then I won't go and hung up on her.

 

On top of her bitching about having to have my children for only 2 hours a day so that I can be in school and work at the same time so that I can save on daycare, I have to deal with her trying to control my every move!! I am sick of it, I am done with it! I am to the point now where I want nothing to do with her!! And my dad is the same way - he just isn't as verbal as my mother is.

 

Anyone been in this situation before? I need answers and need to know if it's just me or there a reason I don't want to live around this god-forsaken town anymore? Other than my kids and my parents - I have NO ONE here!! NO ONE!!

[sb129]

Have you considered moving away?

 

Whats keeping you there apart from your parents?

[EMBeee]

Hi there... well I have been contemplating moving away since I was 16 LOL... I figured that once I am done with college (1 1/2 years left) that I would move to be with my boyfriend. Right now I am where I am to finish school and also because my children's father lives here as well. He and I don't get along and I would move in a heartbeat because I have full custody of them and he doesn't pay child support. But, since I have been mind manipulated and controlled my whole life, I stay here for him even though he serves no good purpose... I just want him to be in the kids' life if you know what I mean.

[EMBeee]

In all honesty, my mom and dad have really done alot for me and have helped out any chance they get. When I left my ex, I lived with my mom and dad but had to leave because of my mother's controlling ways... with me and also with my kids. She is very verbally and mentally abusive! I had to get out of there. Now, I ask her for nothing other than to watch the girls when they get out of school and she watches them for 2 hours a day until their father picks them up. All my mom does is complains about how she has to watch them ALL the time!! Two hours a day is ALL the time??? Please!! Give me a break! Some grandparents are so thankful for the time they get with their grandkids... they are only young once for goodness sake.

 

Last I checked too - I am an adult, I will be 30 soon! And anytime I do something like buy stuff for myself, have a drink here and there, have a smoke, go on a trip... I get yelled at by my mother! She once even yelled at me because I didn't wear a jacket when I was 26 years old! "Don't forget your jacket!" I can't stand it anymore! I left my ex abuser because of mind manipulation and here is my mother still doing it.

 

I don't know what to do, I do love my parents, but there comes a time in your life when you have to let your kids be adults. I feel so helpless. I don't ask them for money, I buy my own groceries, I'm paying my own way through school and I don't recieve any child support from their father... is me driving on an 18 hour roadtrip too much??? And especially by taking MY OWN children with me???!!! Man, my mom and dad make me feel like I've commited a crime, like I've murdered someone and belong in prison for wanting to take my "full costody" flesh and blood kids with me on a roadtrip to washington DC... I though it would be a learning experience for them if anything. They make me feel so guilty when in fact there is absolutely nothing for me to feel guilty about... am I wrong??

[kimbop]

I'm assuming that your mother is Asian. Um.... news flash. Most Asian mothers are like that. They will be there as your biggest supporter and help you with whatever ways possible (even at their own detriment which Causasian parents may not do), but they will bitch and criticize along the way. They think it will help you "improve" yourself. It's very much tied in the culture.

 

I know that you're American essentially by your upbringing and it seems that you are ignorant of the Asian culture and child rearing. Parenting styles in Asia are more involved with lots of judgmental comments added in, done primarily to motivate their children to strive for the best. The benefits of that are Asians represent 25% of the top Ivy league schools and are making headways in top money making professions.

 

Listen, if you are that ungrateful of your mother's interference and she may be harsher than the norm, then don't ask her to take care of your children. Pay them back for all the support they gave you when you were in dire financial situations and the free childcare and then assert your independence. Don't sound like a teenager and whine and complain about an over-controlling mother when you can act the adult and not lean on her for anything.