wierdmunky Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 So, my brother had been arrested (at 15) yesterday for selling drugs. He has been on the wrong path for maybe a year or 2 now which has put the family in a funk with each other. Yesterday, everyone was definitely in a mood, and me and mom were having a discussion which she thinks is arguing. She also thinks any kind of discussion that goes against what she thinks, is arguing and is bad, even when no voices are being raised. She starts to avoid the issue and bring other issues into the convo. I was telling her that I'm not arguing with her, and this is who I am I like to talk things out and hear both sides of the story. I was telling her that sometimes I don't understand what she wants from me, and I can't read her mind, and she needs to tell me, and that all I ask is for her to be "nice" when she asks things of me. I do everything she wants. Pick up kids, errands, clean, cook sometimes, but she is so nitpicky. She then says "you are arguing with me" you don't need to talk you just need to do, which I understand, and what I was trying to tell her was that sometimes she comes accross angry ALL THE TIME, and she says, thats just my personality and sometimes feelings need to be put to the side. I said yes thats right, but it seems like it is only like that when she wants it to be. I said what about my own feelings and when I want ot share them? She responds with yes you are sensitive. I said I care about people here, and I know we're different, so I'm just saying where I'm coming from, that and we could benefit from a more harmonious environment here at home. And she again responds with the feelings. I feel like I really can't get much closer, or even get to the bottom of how to get closer, I've been trying to figure it out forever. When I was younger, I would just conclude, that she doesn't want to deal with feelings, but still wants me to be open with mine and such. I kind of feel pushed away I guess? I feel I get confronted with a run around and then a big pile of my flaws. I was just wondering is there a way to GET closer or is this just who she is now. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 If you have tried to talk to her and she continues to keep you at arms' length, then it's best to leave her alone. Whether she knows it or not, she's actually the emotional one who has no control over her emotions, and who is seriously lacking in social skills. You're put in the position to be the mature one and to know when to recognize when a conversation is going nowhere and to let it drop. Your mother is apparently only concerned with her opinion and isn't interested in anyone else's. There is nothing you can do with people like this. Although it would be nice to have a close relationship with your mother, you probably never will. You cannot control what other people choose to do or how they choose to act. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 In being overly-critical of you, a loved one, she maintains control at all times. I don't think this is a healthy environment. The sooner you move out, the better for your own emotional health. Once you move out and she starts in on you, just shut her down. "Mom, I love you dearly but I'm not going to play. When you're capable of seeing the real issues, I'm more than open and willing, to discuss it." Link to post Share on other sites
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