How to survive future in laws?

[lexi29]

Everyone has advised that a couple should have premarital counseling before the wedding. Yes, I agree this is a good idea. But I'm also beginning to realize that if one can plan a wedding (with in laws and fiance's differing opinions) and not run screaming from the relationship you may be able to survive marriage.

 

I practically have steam coming out of my ears!! HELP!! Last night my fiance and I were going over things for the wedding. We have decided (thanks to those on here who replied) that while my parents agreed to contribute $1500 for the food at the reception, it is going to cost more so we are going to have to make up the difference. His parents had offered to cater it. Well actually my fiance asked them if they would be willing to make the food and get it together if my parents paid for all the food. I will point out that his parents USED to have a catering business. They haven't had this business in the last five years. I don't even know if they have any of the serving/warming pans. My parents make a lot more money than my fiance's parents do. but if you've read my thread about my parents, they don't SAVE any money. So even them giving us $1500 is a huge stretch. They live well beyond their means. They gave my sister about $5000 for her wedding but only because they just an inheritance (which is probably gone already).

 

My fiance's parents told him last night that it used to be that the bride's parents pay for EVERYTHING and they don't know when that changed or why thats not the case anymore. (Because he was talking about what he was going to pay for) Well they have FOUR sons (who are married) and one daughter (who will probably never get married and she lives with them) so how nice of them to take that stance! Then they asked my fiance and me if my parents were going to pay them for the catering (Not just for the food but for the preparation of it (Most of the food will be ordered already made but my future inlaws were going to make macacroni salad, rigatoni and some cookies.) Also they think they should be paid because they will have to set up the food (it will be a serve yourself buffet). My parents will be furnishing the punch bowls, coffee pots, plates, silverware, napkins etc.

 

Maybe my expectations are off here but this is THEIR son's wedding too!!! Maybe I should ask him to pay for all the food and "catering" and see if they want to charge HIM for it. I'm upset because my sister's MIL catered her wedding (not that I expect it) and paid for all the food, made their wedding cake, put it all together and cleaned up afterwards. All her food was homeade and she did all this two hours from home. And she is NOT a professional caterer nor has she ever been (she's an artist).

 

I certainly don't expect my future in laws to PAY for any of the food but then to ask to be paid for their "services". They both LOVE to cook and when my fiance brought up the subject and ASKED them if they would be interested in doing this (and told them the food would be bought by my parents- all they have to do is cook) they were SO excited!! Now they expect my parents to pay them for their work??? Is this really fair? I'm about ready to just find a venue where they do everything for you (I know its more expensive but better than dealing with this)

 

Also my future MIL wants our wedding cake to be from this local bakery and my future FIL wants to ask his sister (who is starting a bakery) to make the cake. They are already calling these places and they've told my fiance but haven't said a word to me. They are also pushing for the reception to be at this $150 a day rental hall. I haven't even seen this place but its were their 2nd oldest son had his reception. I asked if it is even air conditioned and they siad they don't know. They've already called and got dates and tentatively told the place to hold a certain date for us!!! We haven't even set the date yet!! Also my fiance's mom called his brother and asked if their daughter (8) can be the flower girl at our wedding. I don't even know this girl!! I have seen her maybe twice before in four years. I have NO relationship with her and certainly don't want her in the wedding. Of all my fiance's nieces he is the least close to her. I love two of his nieces and they always want to hang out with me when I'm around. I'd rather ask one of them to be the flower girl/jr bridesmaid. Why would his mom just ask without consulting me?? Its not HER wedding.

 

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