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My husband of 16 years involved with my friend


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 18th March 2019, 5:26 PM   #1
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My husband of 16 years involved with my friend

A year and half ago I found some text messages that were in appropriate saying things like we have to lay low for a while she is more bark then bite and sweet dream with an emoji kiss between a friend of mine and my husband they I told him I wanted him to stop contacting her she is the fire department with him fast forward a year and half later things are still going on with them from finding a Snapchat that he wants to be a family of 6 with her and our marriage is over. He also states that he so emotional that he canít be with her he took off so many days of work. not to mention back in December I was at a firehouse function with my children he sits with her family and tell me nobody wants you here why donít you just leave. They in January my children get invited to her children birthday party when I say no he says right in front of my kids who am I ****ing then in February Iím on my way home on day and he says if you need to stop somewhere on the way home stop when I get to the there he there wit there when I ask what are you doing he yell in the parking lot weíre just friend when my children come out my son later says is this because daddy kissed Debra then when I told him that he said our son was lying really are son is 9 .Finally a month ago I file for divorce and now he is like your breaking up our family and saying we havenít had sex in a year and half what do you expect me to do well I donít trust you just wanted some thoughts thanks
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Old 18th March 2019, 6:20 PM   #2
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just wanted some thoughts thanks
I guess my first thought is let her have him, good riddance.

Chump1975, even if there was no infidelity, your relationship with your husband sounds like a toxic and unhealthy environment in which to raise children.

Time to see a lawyer and understand your rights and options. Welcome to LoveShack, sorry it's under these conditions...

Mr. Lucky
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Old 18th March 2019, 6:36 PM   #3
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The below is just my personal opinion:

Agree with Mr. Lucky. Sexual frustration can do bad stuff to men, but these kinds of actions are totally inexcusable. He should have addressed the issues with you directly, not gone outside the marriage.

I hate to give this kind of advice, but suggest you get yourself as set as possible to be independent and divorce.
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Old 18th March 2019, 7:03 PM   #4
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I think you deserve better than the man you are with and in time your children will grow to appreciate your courage for getting away from him.
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Old 18th March 2019, 11:32 PM   #5
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Iíll tell you what one of my friends said to me about my pending divorce from a cheating husband: in the long run this is not gonna turn out to be the worst thing that ever happened to you.

Might feel like it now (I totally get it) and I know how scary it is to have to rebuild a life but we can do better for ourselves even if it means we do it by ourselves. Welcome to you, sorry things suck. But be encouragedóyou can do this.
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Old 19th March 2019, 12:21 AM   #6
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I donít understand why youíre still with this guy.
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Old 19th March 2019, 11:44 AM   #7
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Deja vu. One October, I found my husband in a precarious situation with my neighbor/best friend - denials, apologies for too much to drink, etc. The following October, my 5-yr-old told me she saw daddy kissing her "like in the movies." They denied, denied, denied, basically calling her a liar.

Don't make the same mistake I made and stay any longer. If you do, you're showing your children that a toxic marriage is okay. You knew all you needed to know over a year ago. Get a lawyer to protect your interests. It will get worse before it gets better, but you will be okay. Come out here and vent anytime you need to (like I'm about to do in another thread.....)
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Old 20th March 2019, 3:57 PM   #8
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You're doing the right thing to divorce this man, and should do so with an unforgiving vigilance, too.

He's not treating you with any kind of human dignity and that is the greater part of feeling so devastated. As you progress through the divorce and rediscover your own personal power you'll find yourself increasingly self assured that leaving him is the right thing to do.

It doesn't happen without grief but, we grieve for a dream that diverted us, not the abusive spouse we extricated ourselves from.
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Old 20th March 2019, 4:02 PM   #9
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He's been a real jerk about this. And that thing where he told you you weren't wanted there, shows he's already checked out, so I cannot imagine why he hasn't just signed the divorce papers, but you will be well rid of him. Those two deserve each other. What jerks. Sorry you're going through this.

Your son is smart. He'll probably try to tell the judge you put him up to saying that and judges hate that, so you stand firm that you did not and respond by saying that your husband is cheating on you right out in the open in front of his kids and if you show up, he says right in front of them no one wants you there. But cheating isn't anything that determines divorce in most states, so you can't assume it will help you. But judges hate when parents involve their kids, so don't you be the one to do that and keep a log of anything your kid might say he told them bad about you. Date it and write it down. Save any nasty emails or texts.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 12:59 AM   #10
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I file for divorce ... saying we havenít had sex in a year and half what do you expect me to do ... just wanted some thoughts thanks
It's definitely over. Filing for divorce was the logical next step.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 2:48 PM   #11
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... he sits with her family and tell me nobody wants you here why donít you just leave.
For some clarity on this - I've learned to see this kind of comment for what it really means. Don't believe for one second that a whole segment of the community hates you - they don't.

"Nobody wants you here.." refers to him alone. You see, in public even the same behaviors conducted with the OM in your absence, will take on an entirely more conspicuous meaning when you are present.

Him sitting with her family in your absence means nothing, while this same behavior while otherwise orbiting and not engaging with his own family really stands out. Cheaters hate this reality and most often suck at managing their duplicity in these circumstances. They will do or say a multitude of things to keep you away.
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