Insoc Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 Help me get my mind into a Casual Dating mindset, that is how handle myself with women I'm dating who are still not "exclusive" nor am I looking to be "exclusive" to them either, I want to give myself time and explore my options and date before I think I found LTR material, maybe it's just because I'm not sure yet and my Divorce is not final, so I want a larger pool of fish to pick from. The problem for me is, my last relationship, (my soon to be Ex-Wife) we met, talked daily over e-mails and the phone, and were mutually focused on ourselves for 6 to 8 months before we became exclusive. I'm not too use to to this casual thing and need some tips. I also don't want to spend the next 3 to 5 years doing this, seems some people are okay with it for a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 I can't help you because I wouldn't do it. I can't see the point of casual dating and I wouldn't date a guy who was with me casually or seeing others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Insoc Posted January 5, 2019 Author Share Posted January 5, 2019 I can't help you because I wouldn't do it. I can't see the point of casual dating and I wouldn't date a guy who was with me casually or seeing others. I really don't want to do it, but it just seems everyone I meet on Match is into it, at least they make it sound that way. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 I really don't want to do it, but it just seems everyone I meet on Match is into it, at least they make it sound that way. I think you should be true to yourself. There's no sense trying to make yourself into something you're not to catch the type of person who's not doing what you want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
planb1973 Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 I went through a period of life where I did not want a serious relationship due to a previous heartbreak. I took on a "I don't care" frame of mind and basically made myself emotionally unavailable. I was going to date just for fun and not allow myself to get invested or hurt. Ironically I became quite popular and was casually dating multiple women all the time. I was always upfront about it as to not lead anyone on. But eventually I wanted more and started to date only one at a time. If you want the "casual dating" mindset you have to check your emotions at the door and just not give a f*** But it sounds like you don't actually want that. So I suggest you listen to Basil and stay true to yourself. There are lots of people online who have been hurt too many times and have given up on serious relationships, however there are plenty out there who do desire something substantial. You just have to be patient and not settle. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 I really don't want to do it, but it just seems everyone I meet on Match is into it, at least they make it sound that way. Multi-dating (also known in many circles as being loose or promiscuous) has gained a lot of acceptance in modern times. Doesn't mean everyone has to tolerate it. If you don't want to do it, don't do it. It's your life, you make up the rules. You are not even divorced yet. I guess you are pretty vulnerable still so you could get hooked quickly and if the pool you are dipping in is full of hardened casual daters then will only get hurt... Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 I agree with the others, trying to be a casual dater when you really want a relationship serves no one. It also has the strong potential to interfere with you finding the woman you really want, in that if you treat women casually, you may put off one where you may be a good match and you could have had a relationship with her. Don't lower your standards for what you want for yourself. It won't make you happy and won't resolve the frustration you are feeling now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Insoc Posted January 6, 2019 Author Share Posted January 6, 2019 Last woman I met recently on a 2nd date told me she wasn't looking to be "exclusive" so I take that as a casual dater, so I tend to back off from these types. I didn't say to her, do you want to get serious I was just trying to pick her brain after the 2nd date. I feel like casual dating is a mixed bag, maybe it can turn into something or maybe it can't? For once I like to be the one in control, often I find myself the one asking the questions on where it's going, when I hate being that guy. The thing is, how do you pick and choose those who want to be "casual" vs. those who want to find one and try it for a few months? I'm finding that rather difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
PolyPocket Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 Why would you want that? A lot of people have been hurt over casual dating situations, including you i’m sure, so I don’t think it’s a good idea to add yourself in the mix. If you’re getting over an ex and is not looking for a relationship, then stay single for a while until you can heal instead of being another person that gets into casual dating and hurts people in the end. Sounds like you’re a relationship kind of guy, so stay true to yourself. Someone like you is a gem, and there are women out there.....maybe the right one even.....would love to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
jaimepn Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 My marriage has just come to an end. The best memories I've got is of us traveling, enjoying life and being intimate. "Casual dating" would be a waste of time for me I guess. But I'm still trying to figure things out... Link to post Share on other sites
Geraltt Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 Personally, I suppose it all depends on where you are in your stage of life. Back in the day, I spent a few years doing casual dating. I didn't make it a secret; it was abundantly clear though both my words and demeanour. And I met some wonderful, warm, loving women, many of whom I still call friends. I'm involved in a LTR now and wouldn't have it any other way, but I don't regret my causal dating years in the least. Just one word of warning, however: you have to retain control of your emotions, and that's not always easy to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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