My wife just left me and I am shattered

[ChrisWill]

My wife of 13 years just left me two weeks ago and it has been the worst thing I have had to experience and are still experiencing every day. We have been through tough times before but nothing this extreme and our lives seemed to be improving , my two kids are with me as we had relocated to a new country almost 11 months ago and my wife went back a month ago for a business trip and on the night of her return she tells me she wants an immediate divorce!

 

I felt like my world just fell apart , no warning signs just says she doesn't love me anymore , wants out but promises me there isn't another man..... I do not believe her because this behaviour is beyond reasoning. I realise that I can't make her stay in our marriage and that by begging her to stay just pushes her further away I just am completely lost right now.

 

I feel like I am in a storm and the ocean is raging around me , my rudder is broken , my sails are torn and my lighthouse being my wife has disappeared.

I am haunted by her beauty , her smile and my heart is shattered.

The world just got a little darker , my soul left broken I am at war with my mind.

 

I feel the only thing left to do is to make sure my kiddies who are going to her once they have finished their exams is to clock out, to ring that bell one last time for the pain never stops , I can't escape her memories , our life we shared.

We were meant to grow old together , I gave her everything , built a successful life for our family, worked hard , always was improving myself , brought up with the right moral compass , never gave up but this has broken me beyond anything I have faced in life.

 

I am sure like many before me the answer lies in believing good will come from this even potentially finding someone better however I have heard these things spoken to me in the past two weeks and I honestly don't want anyone else.

I fought hard to get here , I love my wife and I can't seem to fix this and its killing me in such a brutal way.

 

My kiddies want to stay with me and not return back to their mom but I feel so lost and I just want out of this pain, I have dark thoughts racing through me about finishing this , my kiddies will be better off, they may hate me for leaving them but they will grow to understand that their dads heart was broken and he couldn't put the pieces back together again. I loved my family , built an incredible life for them , spent all my time looking after them and my wife just took it all away for what? What the hell did I do wrong ? I wish she would just tell me.

 

So I wish to thank you all and to say I needed to write this, I needed to understand in my own head why this life had to be so cruel. There isn't a day that goes by , a moment that I wouldn't give it all away to hear my wife say please come home I miss you!

 

Perhaps in another life I will see her and my children again for I am tired of the pain that tears at my soul.

[Happy Lemming]

 

My kiddies want to stay with me and not return back to their mom but I feel so lost...

 

 

Is there any legal reason as to why the "kiddies" can't stay with you?? If they want to stay with you, let them.

 

I know you are sad and want to mourn your "lost marriage", but right now you can't afford the luxury of feeling despair. You need to prioritize the children's needs and work to help them right now.

 

She left you, why should you lose your children?? Let her fly back and visit them if she wants.

 

Unless there is some legal reason you have to send the children to her, keep them in your life.

 

Just my two cents...

[GinON]

My wife of 13 years just

...my kiddies will be better off, they may hate me for leaving them but they will grow to understand that their dads heart was broken and he couldn't put the pieces back together again.

 

 

 

No, they wont grow to understand anything about you if you abandon them except what you ex wife tells them. They need you to deal with your worst feelings and the dark places you are going and be a good father, NO MATTER WHAT.

 

If you abandon them, you are leaving, you become the one that left her.

 

I have my mom & dad now in my 40s and I still talk to them often. He left my mom when I was 5 but both parents were always good to me and never spoke ill of each other even though they were really mad. I would not respect him or know him at all if he just abandoned me.

 

(I am going through a very likely separation of 13 years myself and experienced some of the pain you shared.)

 

Sorry man, this sounds harsh but I am 6 months past where you are and you can't afford to throw your kids away and expect to feel better later. Separation anxiety sucks, it really F'ing sucks, and many of us here know it all too well. We are here for you but you gotta get the help you need and be there for those kids.

[elaine567]

Call a suicide line.

No-one will be better off with you dead.

Get help now.

[Agent1]

Wow, I am so sorry. I can feel the pain and heartache in your words. DO NOT GIVE UP!! It feels like all you want to do right now is die but I promise you don’t. It really does get better. Give yourself time to go thru the emotions, soon you will get angry and start seeing things differently. No one is worth taking your own life for. NO ONE. Your kids need you. Don’t let her take your life away.

[Mr. Lucky]

So I wish to thank you all and to say I needed to write this, I needed to understand in my own head why this life had to be so cruel. There isn't a day that goes by , a moment that I wouldn't give it all away to hear my wife say please come home I miss you!

 

Perhaps in another life I will see her and my children again for I am tired of the pain that tears at my soul.

 

I think you'll find a better state of mind and having you kids in your life go hand and hand. Do you have someone you can talk to about this?

 

What is the distance between your wife's location and your own?

 

Mr. Lucky

[d0nnivain]

the pain you are enduring does feel overwhelming but you must get through it. Your kids love you & they need you. Your death will shatter them & they will think it's their fault, that they did something wrong. Do not burden them with this. Call a hotline. Call a friend. Pray if you have faith. Get into therapy. Try a divorce support group. Just take 1 day at a time & you will get through this even though it feels insurmountable now.

[ChrisWill]

I woke up this morning feeling grateful for the encouragement I had read the night before on the responses to my story. I just wanted to say thank you for talking sense into my head, its early days and I know I will be going through an emotional rollercoaster until I allow myself to heal so I am taking it day by day and putting my kiddies first.

 

Thanks for all the support and I wish you all a wonderful day.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Chris, I do not know whether you are the religious, church going kind of person or are ambivalent about your religion but whatever it is I think as a human being you can pray to the Almighty. This is what I would urge you to do right now. Get down on your knees and pray to the Almighty to hold your hand through this trauma and give you the strength and courage to face this difficult period with equanimity and a rational mind. Remember, you do not have to be religious to engage with God. He is there for you at all times.

 

You have a lot to live for. Your children will be looking up to you for strength and loving succour. You are going to be their shield and their anchor. Their mother has shamefully abandoned them and did not have the courage to return and face their father and discuss things with him face to face. She just phoned or sent a text message signalling her decision. They know what she has done. That is the reason they do not want to go back to her. They know that you are their shelter from the storm and you will have to be strong for them if for no other reason. Remember to pray often. It will help you and help with your depression. Warm wishes.

[ChrisWill]

Thank you for your message, I gave my life to God 7 years ago and haven't stopped praying to God to heal my brokenness. I have spent these last 3 weeks on my knees asking God to just take the pain away. I appreciate your message along with each and every persons message who replied to my story.

 

God I know has never abandoned me , I do not blame Him for this, I am just in shock and the emotional rollercoaster I am on is a white knuckle ride. All I pray for is peace right now , I just want the pain to stop and for my soul to start healing.

 

My children mean everything to me and everyone who has answered is right they deserve to have me in their lives, I will not abandon them and thank you to everyone who just took the time to understand and acknowledge the pain I am in.

 

Rejection when all you have done is be the very best for your family is the hardest part and living on an island 4000km away from my wife who moved back to South Africa feels like she has abandoned me and my children. How does someone you have been married to for 13 years do this. I look at myself each morning and ask why! I am successful , good looking , well liked by my peers , thoughtful to those less fortunate , always look for the best in people , spend everyday when I am not traveling with my kids making sure their emotional bank balance is filled with love, I worked so hard to achieve all of this because my wife wanted a better life from which she came and so I made her a promise and I have never let her down so when she walked out just on three weeks ago it floored me , took the wind right out of my sails.

 

To you all thank you and I do appreciate all the encouragement through such a horrendous time.

[Miss Clavel]

I woke up this morning feeling grateful for the encouragement I had read the night before on the responses to my story. I just wanted to say thank you for talking sense into my head, its early days and I know I will be going through an emotional rollercoaster until I allow myself to heal so I am taking it day by day and putting my kiddies first.

 

Thanks for all the support and I wish you all a wonderful day.

 

exactly. it's a dark ride. and you can't see what's coming.

 

for me, it's the kids. i wasn't lettin my ex have them. over my dead body. which was a frequent thought for me, to the point that i called the suicide hot line.

 

i called them for the third time in my life and the woman that answered the phone said the same thing to me that i just said to you. bless her.

 

it's not over. this is not over. you have children.

 

count your blessings.

 

drink a little, cry, play some music. let it out. it can't stay in.

 

keep the kids. they are you life's work.

 

do not smack talk their mom in front of them. esp. because it sounds like she's going thru some **** of her own.

 

who does that? why?

 

..."as far as possible, be gentle with yourself".

Edited October 16, 2018 by Miss Clavel

[Arris]

Sounds like you are headed in the right direction.

No doubt there are still rough roads ahead, just remember it's ok to grieve and to hurt.

I'm in the same boat for the most part and it absolutely makes no sense to me either. Just have to keep believing in who you are and build your relationship with the kids and continue to help them grow.

[Rotn'roses]

My prayers are with you and your family at this time. May Gods grace lead your way out of this dark place and back into His light. In Jesus name I pray these things for you all, Amen.

[Marc878]

My wife of 13 years just left me two weeks ago and it has been the worst thing I have had to experience and are still experiencing every day. We have been through tough times before but nothing this extreme and our lives seemed to be improving , my two kids are with me as we had relocated to a new country almost 11 months ago and my wife went back a month ago for a business trip and on the night of her return she tells me she wants an immediate divorce!

 

I felt like my world just fell apart , no warning signs just says she doesn't love me anymore , wants out but promises me there isn't another man..... I do not believe her because this behaviour is beyond reasoning. I realise that I can't make her stay in our marriage and that by begging her to stay just pushes her further away I just am completely lost right now.

 

They all say this. Your instincts are correct.

 

I feel like I am in a storm and the ocean is raging around me , my rudder is broken , my sails are torn and my lighthouse being my wife has disappeared.

I am haunted by her beauty , her smile and my heart is shattered.

The world just got a little darker , my soul left broken I am at war with my mind.

 

I can assure you this isn't the end of the world. You will recover even though you are in total shock at this time

 

I feel the only thing left to do is to make sure my kiddies who are going to her once they have finished their exams is to clock out, to ring that bell one last time for the pain never stops , I can't escape her memories , our life we shared.

We were meant to grow old together , I gave her everything , built a successful life for our family, worked hard , always was improving myself , brought up with the right moral compass , never gave up but this has broken me beyond anything I have faced in life.

 

Your feelings are normal but you will recover.

 

I am sure like many before me the answer lies in believing good will come from this even potentially finding someone better however I have heard these things spoken to me in the past two weeks and I honestly don't want anyone else.

I fought hard to get here , I love my wife and I can't seem to fix this and its killing me in such a brutal way.

 

You need time and no contact. Support, friends, family, church. Seek it now.

 

My kiddies want to stay with me and not return back to their mom but I feel so lost and I just want out of this pain, I have dark thoughts racing through me about finishing this , my kiddies will be better off, they may hate me for leaving them but they will grow to understand that their dads heart was broken and he couldn't put the pieces back together again. I loved my family , built an incredible life for them , spent all my time looking after them and my wife just took it all away for what? What the hell did I do wrong ? I wish she would just tell me.

 

You did nothing wrong this is all on her.

 

So I wish to thank you all and to say I needed to write this, I needed to understand in my own head why this life had to be so cruel. There isn't a day that goes by , a moment that I wouldn't give it all away to hear my wife say please come home I miss you!

 

Perhaps in another life I will see her and my children again for I am tired of the pain that tears at my soul.

 

A good wife and mother doesn't do this. The kids know this which is why they want to stay with you.

[Simple Logic]

Medically you are suffering from an adjustment disorder. Go see a doctor and he can subscribe a medication.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Chris, how are you doing? I do hope by now the initial shock of what your wife has done has started wearing off and you are now recovering and becoming stronger by the day. Remember, time heals all and as you get further away from the shock of DDay you will start to feel better about everything. Also remember that whatever has happened is not your fault and the whole blame is to be shouldered by your stbx wife. A year from now you will be feeling relieved that your wife did you a favour by abandoning you as you will likely find the true love of your life who will stand by you through thick and thin and be the support that you thought your stbx wife was going to be.

 

Remember to keep praying till this fog of pain starts lifting as it will. Wish you all the very best for the future.

[ChrisWill]

Good evening..... Just a Guy

 

Thank you , I am making it through day by day, its brutally hard because my soon to be ex wife calls me everyday to basically tear me open, I have no idea how I am to forget about her as I am reminded of her everyday.

 

She has gone to town with her new looks , she was beautiful before but now has gone and had a total makeover , she face timed me this evening , I must look like **** in my face and eyes as I literally feel like I am the walking dead!

 

She looks amazing and goes on to tell me she is never coming back , our marriage is over and she is happy she left me. I can't quite explain what that feels like to be told such horrible things to your face after you have done nothing wrong in your marriage, to be told to forget about her and I must move on.

She is happier now she says and oh yes still wants to be friends , I think I must have looked like I had died over and over on the video call, barely keeping anything together , nothing coming out of my mouth except a stunned look on my face.

 

I truly wish this as you explained it so well .... fog of pain to lift as it arrives when I wake and seems to hover over me the whole day. I think the part that gets me is she is probably right , I will never meet someone as beautiful as her again, that scares the heck out of me that I may roam this earth alone. I want this crazy rollercoaster to stop and for those who say just stop taking her calls I can't because unfortunately we have one of our businesses together and I am trying to move it away from her in totality because of the stress , pain it causes me to speak to her while she sounds super happy.

 

Just a Guy I appreciate your wonderfully encouraging message as well as the other writers who took time out of their day to encourage me. I want to ask God every night what I did wrong , what have I done to deserve this. I don't blame God but I am sure He knows the reason for this.

 

Pray you all have a wonderful evening further

[kainnyc]

Too much to explain here but PM before you say anything to her. Silence is best let her wonder. You cant change this, so stay quiet as possible. Be pleasant if you must. Dont talk about the relationship. these are things i didnt do and have lost mine. either way be prepared not to have her.

[kainnyc]

guy thanks for the positive. it is true. i have been doing this for 2 years and she is still lost. Best thing you can do is be quiet, be prepared, and improve yourself. I seemed to have lost my wife but got literally everything i always wanted and more. kind of some spiritual trade.

[2.50 a gallon]

I would guess the wife is in her 30's.

That and abandoning her children, rings the mid-life crisis bell.

Google it

[GinON]

Hey, sorry it hurts so much, but remember that every time you seem pathetic to her it reinforces her decision to leave. You may never get her back appearing confident and happy but you will certainly push her away looking pathetic or needy.

 

You may not be able to put on a happy face so try to move communication to email or text if you can.

[Marc878]

Let her go. You don't need contact. Kids only

[Just a Guy]

Hi ChrisWill, I can empathize with you about how you feel about your wife abandoning you and your children but remember one thing. Physical looks are transitory and no amount of makeover is going to keep your wife looking like Marilyn Monroe a few years down the line. The wrinkles will come but more importantly her body will keep growing older on the inside and age takes it's own toll on the human body. However, all this apart I have to say that if your wife was a beautiful as you say she was then I am certain she was a selfish and vain person at heart. She kept this aspect of her personality well hidden from you till she finally lost interest in you as a spouse. When that happened then she showed you her true colours and all her ugly character traits came out of the woodwork.

 

My advice to you would be not to Facetime with her and only communicate with her on essential matters concerning the children and about your legal affairs. I do hope you are initiating divorce proceedings with her and having her served. That one act on your part will show her you are no push over and she may regain some respect for you. Remember, you cannot be friends with her. She will want to keep you tied to her petticoat tails so she can tell everyone that yours was a mutual and amicable separation and had nothing to do with her BAD girl characteristics. If she ever broaches the subject again tell she is no friend of yours. She lost that position when she abandoned the family and the marriage. Tell her you now consider her as someone you passed on the street. Do not ever appear needy to her whether you write her messages or speak to her or whatever. Respect yourself and you will find that others respect you. Also remember to keep praying everyday to the Almighty to give you the strength to face each day as it comes and to take one day at a time. Best wishes.