kim3680 Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 So, I've been stalking here for awhile and just decided to post as I hope someone who has gone though something similar can help. I've been married 17 years to the love of my life. We talked before marriage numerous times and shared the same belief about commitment and respect for each other. Both had an understanding that in a long-term relationship, love comes and goes, but commitment stays until the end. That's why I was drawn to him, that's why I knew he was the one. Three years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer, followed by a bilateral mastectomy and 18 months of grueling chemo. Since the day of my diagnosis he never touched me physically. I guess he thought he could "catch it". Nevertheless he stayed by my side, took care of me and took me to all of my appointments. Even with all of my hair gone, he would tell me I was still the prettiest girl in the world to him. Which was a lie, but it made me feel good on my worse days. Long story short, he lied about a trip he took, told me he was going somewhere but forgot that he stayed logged into facebook on his laptop at home. He went to hook up. And not just that, he was involved in several relationships. When he came back I confronted him, and he just left, did not even take his things. I have fought for my life for 2 years, but nothing has compared to the loss I feel for him. We have 2 daughters, 12 and 13 and he hasn't even seemed concerned for them. He didn't properly talk to them beforehand, he just disappeared and said you all need time to heal. Divorce papers are in front of me to sign. I only thought I was strong before this. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 My goodness. That's a whole lot to deal with . I wish you didn't have to go through it to get TO it (healing), but you will have to . Keep posting. I hope you're on a good track to physical health after all that <3. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kim3680 Posted June 2, 2018 Author Share Posted June 2, 2018 Physically I'm fine thank God. Except for now I have no insurance to follow up with my oncologist and no job since he convinced me to just quit my job and come home, take care of kids and house. Said he would take care of everything. I've lost 22 pounds since he walked out, simply didn't remember to eat most days. But I don't pray anymore for his return. I have accepted that he does not want me anymore. Hope I'm making SOME progress. Link to post Share on other sites
knitwit Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 OMG, wow. What a horrible experience you and your girls are going through. Anyone going through something like this would be a complete mess for a while. But being down, even if it's like being a puddle on the floor, is not the same as being out. You're still here, you've got your girls, you've got a future. Do you have family or close friends nearby? Are you part of a church or other community? You need some real life support. Sending hugs to you and your girls. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kim3680 Posted June 2, 2018 Author Share Posted June 2, 2018 That's the real problem, no friends {that aren't hugely busy with their own lives}, parents both have advanced dementia, and religion (well I've kind of lost faith in a God that can let me go through all of this) Link to post Share on other sites
knitwit Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 Kim, have you seen a divorce lawyer? He should have you on his insurance at least until the divorce is final. What a tough freaking road. I am sorry to hear about your parents. I have heard good things about Divorce Care groups- do you know if there are any near you? They usually are held at churches but I think aren't especially religious. I can understand losing faith with everything. I think real life help though is critical in this extremely difficult times of life. I wish I had more to offer. Do you or the girls hear from him at all? And you are most certainly ARE strong! You're reaching out and sharing your story. You haven't given up. You are making progress! This is a huge devastation and it is going to take time to heal. You know that his decision to cheat isn't your fault, right? He was the love of your life when things were going well, but when the chips were down he couldn't hang. Are you back to work now? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 Kim, have you seen a divorce lawyer? He should have you on his insurance at least until the divorce is final. Or beyond, depending on the terms. And you obviously need the coverage. Did you have your own attorney for the divorce? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
donotmicrowave Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 What a cowardly move from that man. Sending loads of love and big hugs to you and your daughters. We’re here for you on LoveShack! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kim3680 Posted June 3, 2018 Author Share Posted June 3, 2018 Thanks for the hugs, I could use them. I do not have an attorney. I could not afford the 4000 binder. I did reach out to legal aide only to find out they had no funding left for divorce cases I also do not have a job either because the extremely small town I live in will require travel at least and hour one way and now I am on my own with 2 children and no family support. I know I have to do something to survive I just don't know what yet. The ironic thing is a few months ago I was living a very comfortable life, able to buy anything I wanted or needed with no worries. Now I'm constantly having to say "No, I can't anymore" to my children and that hurts me alot. And him harassing me everyday to sign the damn papers doesn't help matters. Boy, did he do a number on me. How could I have been so wrong about someone? Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 I’m so sorry. I wish I could do something to help you. I don’t understand how somebody could be like that. He must be a sociopath or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 And him harassing me everyday to sign the damn papers doesn't help matters. How about some horse trading? Tell him you'll sign the papers if he provides you insurance coverage. Since most plans are employer-subsidized, couldn't be much of an expense to him. Is he required to provide coverage for your children? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 Wish I could help. Tell him your not signing anything until you have a lawyer look over the papers. Call child services and see if they can help. Also see if you can have him charged with abandonment. Alimony differs from state to state. Talk with an lawyer and see if you can make your STBX pay for your lawyer. He should still be pays for the household expenses. Don’t sign the papers until your lawyer looks them over. You get half of everything including his retirement. Don’t sign anything. If he complains, tell him that you need the money for a lawyer. Hand it over and I will have my lawyer look over the D papers. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 Make a deal with an attorney and take the payment out of your settlement but don't sign anything until you have it ok'd. Your H has those D papers set up for his benefit not yours. Plus he'll owe you alimony, child support and half the owned assets. Link to post Share on other sites
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