Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Separation and Divorce

How the heck do people get divorced?

Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Like Tree13Likes
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 6th March 2018, 10:39 AM   #16
Established Member
PegNosePete's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 9,295
Originally Posted by mikeylo View Post
Speak to an attorney. They’ll tell you ways around without getting into trouble.
No they won't. Unless their name is Saul Goodman.

They will of course, tell you how you can reduce the alimony and help you get you a better deal through the courts.

But lawyers have a legal obligation to uphold the law. They will not tell you ways around court orders, if they value their license to practice!
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
-- Douglas Adams
PegNosePete is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th March 2018, 10:53 AM   #17
Established Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,387
Originally Posted by PegNosePete View Post

They will of course, tell you how you can reduce the alimony and help you get you a better deal through the courts.!
Agree but again , if everyone was adhering to the court order then there wouldn’t be so many pending cases in the courts. Just saying.
mikeylo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th March 2018, 11:00 AM   #18
Established Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 48,106
That's why SCOTUS offers 'opinions' when lower court's 'opinions', 'judgments' and 'rulings' are appealed as erroneous, unsupported, over-reaching or, lately, politically incorrect. All law is open to 'interpretation'. Why? Because humans wrote it. The human with the most compelling argument and, generally, deepest pocket to enrich the system, generally 'wins', if there ever is a true winner in divorce. I personally don't think there is, only levels of losing, regardless of how hotly contested and argued and interpreted the dissolution is.

OP, if your wife has a history of being a team player, stability, working with you in your marriage and has demonstrated calm in this troubled time, work with that to find an equitable solution which leaves both of you relatively whole and able to equally adjust to solo life. If either spouse is destined to end up in poverty and/or lacking safety and essentials, that's something to take a hard look at. If your spouse isn't willing to work to a middle ground, as should you, then get those soldiers of the law, lawyers, geared up, armed with the strongest legal guns available, and go to war. Yeah, it sucks I know but, like real wars, sometimes it's necessary. Ugly, but necessary.

FWIW, my exW and I were able to find middle ground, though it did cost me about 10-15 years of my life's work before getting married, and we both moved on without becoming impoverished or substantially enriching the legal community. A little life's work spent on targeted legal help paid dividends down the road. Every marriage and every divorce is unique so you'll necessarily tailor individual actions to your particular circumstances. It will work out. Down the road, IME, accepting the death of the marriage goes a long way to moving on. If you find yourself rehashing the problems, you haven't moved on. Good luck in your journey!
carhill is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th March 2018, 11:52 PM   #19
Established Member
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 179
"justaguy"- no infidelity..... just grew apart after years but I initiated it which makes me think moreso (since she has not questioned it yet)- it more likely to not object to the numbers on the sheet
skinut2234 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2018, 6:21 AM   #20
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by skinut2234 View Post
thanks- it's been amicable but I don't see her willing to take less.... it's not a matter of paying her (I am fine with that)- it's a question of it being reasonable to live.... We have been living separately for 6 months and we both have been managing to live without me paying her anything- (I still pay car insurance and give her $$$ when she asks)- 650 a week alimony- she could buy a new BMW!!!
That figure is steep. I always thought they calculate what you need for yourself into it all. They can't away your living expenses and basic ability to afford feeding yourself. Right?
Foxy Knoxy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2018, 2:31 PM   #21
Established Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 11,063
Originally Posted by skinut2234 View Post
Finally in process of divorce after 20 years of marriage- We are going thru mediation but I feel I am at a point of needing lawyer. I make about 4 times the salary as she does. We have the same education (both have college degrees)- I understand the way it works in NJ- it's not based on education and earning potential but your lifestyle over 20 years (we have 3 kids)-
I'm not debating paying her - the issue is that with the calculation sheet the mediator gave us it comes out to owing her almost $3000 a month! (mostly alimony)-- when I do my budget sheet (just what i need to survive)- I am around 4500/month (mortgage-expenses etc etc)-
That exceeds my net pay for the month- Is this normal?? this is all based just on all the calculations from W2- tax statements etc.... I would have -$500.00 every month..... someone help me
So you make 4X what she does and she'll have primary custody and responsibility for 3 kids? If so, you'll have to re-examine the thought that $3000/month is too much for her but you can't make it on $4500/month.

As others have said, time to take a careful look at your own expenses. Divorce is a lifestyle adjustment for everyone involved...

Mr. Lucky
"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." - Epicurus
Mr. Lucky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2018, 6:24 PM   #22
Established Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 354
Below is the applicable portion of the alimony statute in NJ. As you can see, an award of alimony is discretionary with the judge and depends on a variety of factors. There doesn’t appear to be any kind of fixed schedule or formula for alimony in NJ. But again, I’m not a NJ attorney, so please consult a local attorney who will have much more information on what your local judges award for alimony in cases like yours.

Universal Citation: NJ Rev Stat § 2A:34-23 (2014)
2A:34-23 Alimony, maintenance.

2A:34-23.Alimony, maintenance.

b.In all actions brought for divorce ... the court may award one or more of the following types of alimony: open durational alimony; rehabilitative alimony; limited duration alimony or reimbursement alimony to either party. In so doing the court shall consider, but not be limited to, the following factors:

(1)The actual need and ability of the parties to pay;

(2)The duration of the marriage or civil union;

(3)The age, physical and emotional health of the parties;

(4)The standard of living established in the marriage or civil union and the likelihood that each party can maintain a reasonably comparable standard of living, with neither party having a greater entitlement to that standard of living than the other;

(5)The earning capacities, educational levels, vocational skills, and employability of the parties;

(6)The length of absence from the job market of the party seeking maintenance;

(7)The parental responsibilities for the children;

(8)The time and expense necessary to acquire sufficient education or training to enable the party seeking maintenance to find appropriate employment, the availability of the training and employment, and the opportunity for future acquisitions of capital assets and income;

(9)The history of the financial or non-financial contributions to the marriage or civil union by each party including contributions to the care and education of the children and interruption of personal careers or educational opportunities;

(10) The equitable distribution of property ordered and any payouts on equitable distribution, directly or indirectly, out of current income, to the extent this consideration is reasonable, just and fair;

(11) The income available to either party through investment of any assets held by that party;

(12) The tax treatment and consequences to both parties of any alimony award, including the designation of all or a portion of the payment as a non-taxable payment;

(13) The nature, amount, and length of pendente lite support paid, if any; and

(14) Any other factors which the court may deem relevant.

In each case where the court is asked to make an award of alimony, the court shall consider and assess evidence with respect to all relevant statutory factors. If the court determines that certain factors are more or less relevant than others, the court shall make specific written findings of fact and conclusions of law on the reasons why the court reached that conclusion. No factor shall be elevated in importance over any other factor unless the court finds otherwise, in which case the court shall make specific written findings of fact and conclusions of law in that regard.
Be_Strong is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2018, 7:42 PM   #23
Established Member
BarbedFenceRider's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Southwest
Posts: 498
I remember hearing a of a gentleman that was just above minimum wage. The wife quit her job during the divorce. The 1st. court ordered him to pay 4 times his yearly salary.

Needless to say, he told the judge...3 squares and a cot. A place to work out and watch TV. (ie....jail!) F- her!

Did I mention he recently became a Mexican Expat..No extradition. Last I heard he runs some eco-tour thing down south. does real good.
BarbedFenceRider is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th March 2018, 9:21 PM   #24
Established Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Southern part of Western Europe
Posts: 93
Get the mouth piece. I am not a fan of attorneys (I believe most of the worlds ills are caused by them...just my jaded opinion), but they have done something that most of have the law. They put their time, effort and years in studying their specific type of law. If confronted with a complicated job I have no knowledge, the best way to correct the issue is to reach out to an expert...whether it is a plumber, electrician, mechanic and so on. There are a lot of pitfalls, shortcuts and hurdles that are inherent within the law, so an expert should be your guide. Most times you will end up spending less money over the long run.

Good luck and always wear a cup...because you never know.
Uncle Boogie is offline   Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Your take on people who are soon is to soon? sportygirl89 Dating 16 6th January 2015 7:20 PM
People who have been divorced Dork Vader Dating 9 28th August 2014 4:57 PM
What the heck do people talk about with strangers at a bar? teamzissou00 Dating 25 19th March 2010 4:26 PM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:55 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2018 All Rights Reserved.