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So many questions

Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 27th December 2017, 6:17 PM   #1
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So many questions

I'm probably being too vague. I don't want to start right off the bat spilling my guts to you all.... Let's just say, I'm the bad guy and I know it. But he is either oblivious, or not bothered by it. I should set him free, but I am a total coward about it. Plus I have no idea how to go about doing any of the things one would have to do to prepare for living/being alone.

Let's just start with the basics in no particular order:

If everything is seemingly going ok, how might you know if it's really over?

How do you broach the subject of leaving or getting out? (Especially if that's not necessarily what I want.) [Broaching the subject of 'change' hasn't been effective at all.]

If communication was never really a strong suit, will a counselor really be able to help with that?

How does one find a 'good' counselor? How many trips until you determine if they're good or not? How many do you go through before determining there may be no useful ones available?

I know I've betrayed his trust. Do I fess up now, or let it be while trying to work out some of the other stuff?

Lots more, but I'll use these as a starting point.

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Old 27th December 2017, 6:48 PM   #2
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Location: Northeastern USA
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You find a "good" counselor by getting recommendations (not on line) or calling & talking to the person on the phone.

I don't know what you mean by you're the "bad guy" or that you betrayed your partner's trust but it sounds like you cheated. That is the only thing I can think of that might be unforgiveable but some marriages do survive.

Gather your courage. Sit your spouse down & calmly & factually confess. Don't defend yourself or excuse what you did. Let your partner vent. Apologize & ask to go to MC. Offer transparency in your future transactions. Above all give your partner time to process.
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Old 28th December 2017, 1:49 PM   #3
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We cannot really help you if you do not tell us your background story.
We do not need enough details so that we can all show up at your house tomorrow for coffee, but we need the gist at least.
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