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Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 21st December 2017, 3:53 PM   #91
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And here after all this time, I thought you moved on and left her....

So, since your having all this epic "sex" you mention...Are you being tested regularly. I mean like pornstar regular...Anyone who can be so careless with a relationship is not going to think twice about bare-backing a very dirty bird in the bed. Just sayin'.

I personally know of a man that took the kids and moved on. He had a very menial job and limited support from family and friends. He is doing well and the kids are all healthy and fine today. You do have other options my friend.

Also, are you still a traditional marriage kind of guy? Or is something else at play here that allow you to tolerate being with her intimately while knowing she is "with" someone else? To me, that is deal breaker. Couch time. No sharing marritable bed.
I also noticed that now you are seeing other women and looking at options, her demeanor changed. Tough luck. She wants 2 penises all the time. While you pay for and house her to go out and ride the carousel.

I would spend all my attention on your kids. And sorry, nothing for poor wifey. Maybe a box of condoms? It makes it a present for you as well! Better safe than sorry....

Last edited by BarbedFenceRider; 21st December 2017 at 3:59 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 23rd December 2017, 2:47 PM   #92
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Originally Posted by BarbedFenceRider View Post
And here after all this time, I thought you moved on and left her....

So, since your having all this epic "sex" you mention...Are you being tested regularly. I mean like pornstar regular...Anyone who can be so careless with a relationship is not going to think twice about bare-backing a very dirty bird in the bed. Just sayin'.

I personally know of a man that took the kids and moved on. He had a very menial job and limited support from family and friends. He is doing well and the kids are all healthy and fine today. You do have other options my friend.

Also, are you still a traditional marriage kind of guy? Or is something else at play here that allow you to tolerate being with her intimately while knowing she is "with" someone else? To me, that is deal breaker. Couch time. No sharing marritable bed.
I also noticed that now you are seeing other women and looking at options, her demeanor changed. Tough luck. She wants 2 penises all the time. While you pay for and house her to go out and ride the carousel.

I would spend all my attention on your kids. And sorry, nothing for poor wifey. Maybe a box of condoms? It makes it a present for you as well! Better safe than sorry....
I appreciate the support of this forum. I do realize I've made all the mistakes that could be made. She is staying, and we are having sex nearly daily, so I thought that meant our situation was different (like everyone else on this board). What I didn't realize is she is only staying because the other man cut it off, he thought she was getting too serious, and didn't offer her a place to live, so she stayed where she could, with me. I have now found that she has been talking online to a guy in Ohio that she grew up with. He is in the military and passing through our city on his way home today. She already made an excuse that she is spending time with one of her girlfriends today, but in reality he said he would tell her when he got here and they could get drinks and dinner. She has completely gone off her rocker after 13 years. So, I now think I have the strength to end this, problem is I have a mortgage in my name, the bills in my name, and she won't leave. I can leave and live at my sisters, but there is no room for the kids, I don't want to leave my kids, she doesn't want them. I can afford the house because my salary alone wont pay the mortgage and bills, so the kids and I are eventually going to have to move, they will be crushed. I now feel like I'm trapped in hell, and wish this would have ended two months ago. The other issue is I have federal employment that requires a single scope background investigation and security clearance. This means if I am late on my bills, or cant pay my bills, I loose my job. This has made things even more difficult because if I didn't have this issue, I would just walk away with the kids.

Last edited by dannyStL; 23rd December 2017 at 2:49 PM..
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Old 25th December 2017, 7:24 PM   #93
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Well we spent Christmas together, it was good, but I caught her talking to two other guys. Need to end this, its becoming clear, but its hard because she talks about out future.
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Old 25th December 2017, 10:10 PM   #94
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I can leave and live at my sisters, but there is no room for the kids, I don't want to leave my kids, she doesn't want them. I can afford the house because my salary alone wont pay the mortgage and bills, so the kids and I are eventually going to have to move, they will be crushed. I now feel like I'm trapped in hell, and wish this would have ended two months ago.
I'm sorry that you're going through this. Don't worry about the kids being "crushed" because you have to sell the house and move. As a child I would much rather live in a ****hole and see my parents happy, than live in a nice house and see them struggle. You are your kids' world, and kids are way smarter than we give them credit for. They will understand.

I'm not sure about your financial situation, but selling the house, going back to renting a cheaper place, and getting rid of your partner would do you and the kids a whole world of good. Let her go chase her fantasy; you and your kids deserve much better.
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Old 27th December 2017, 1:04 AM   #95
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Danny
It seems you can only learn the hard way, School of hard knocks.

If you don't have trust,You have NOTHING!

Find your Peace (piece) somewhere else.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 1:48 PM   #96
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Danny
It seems you can only learn the hard way, School of hard knocks.

If you don't have trust,You have NOTHING!

Find your Peace (piece) somewhere else.
Definitely the school of hard knocks, she's now back in the house and says that we are in a committed relationship. She says she's done with the other guy on a longer talk to him again. She texted me this morning to tell me that she loves me. She told me that she looks forward to building a life together, and says that we can get over this. I'm not sure what to do At this point. I'm getting everything that I wanted, my family is back together, I am having sex on a nightly basis, but I just feel like I can't trust her, and it is driving me crazy. Does anyone ever come back from this? What I'm asking is are the relationships that survive infidelity?
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Old 3rd January 2018, 2:28 PM   #97
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Hi Danny, I have only one question for you and you must answer it honestly. The question is 'Has your wife displayed any remorse, any real remorse? Depending on your answer you will be given the answer you seek! Warm wishes.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 3:22 PM   #98
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Bless you heart...

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Originally Posted by dannyStL View Post
Definitely the school of hard knocks, she's now back in the house and says that we are in a committed relationship. She says she's done with the other guy on a longer talk to him again. She texted me this morning to tell me that she loves me. She told me that she looks forward to building a life together, and says that we can get over this. I'm not sure what to do At this point. I'm getting everything that I wanted, my family is back together, I am having sex on a nightly basis, but I just feel like I can't trust her, and it is driving me crazy. Does anyone ever come back from this? What I'm asking is are the relationships that survive infidelity?
Yes Danny, there are SOME relationships that survive infidelity.

But I want to explain some things to you. Do you KNOW why she decided to come back. I can assure you it is not your sexual prowess.

More than likely, the other guy dumped her. So that makes you PLAN B guy. Number 2. Can you live with that?

If he had not dumped her she would still be with him, I just want you to understand that.

So I guess if you are going that way I will give you the basics.

1) You as the Betrayed Spouse get full and complete access to all forms of communication. Access to all computer and email accounts, all passwords to everything, phone location, everything.

And just as a test, tell her this and ask for her phone immediately and start going through it. Odds are that you will find pictures, and texts that she has been sending to OM. Check the dates, and see when the last on was sent.

If she does not agree, then she has to leave and file for custody. Because she is not "really" wanting to reconcile. She is stringing you along for the next guy that she likes.

2) She has to quit her job if this guy still works there. If she does not, she leaves and you file for custody.

3) There is to be no communication with the OM or any man of any kind for any reason.

4) You get to track her phone and know of her whereabouts at all times.

Now, do you think she will agree to that, because is she does not, you are wasting your time.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 3:45 PM   #99
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Danny,

You definitely do not have everything you want. Your family is not back together again. Yes, she may be physically present for the time being. Yes, she may be having sex with you now. But thatís also the case for almost every guy who has a wife in the middle of an affair, and trust me, those guys arenít living the life they always wanted.

You need to assume that everything she tells you is a lie (because it usually is). Does she love you? No way. Does she respect you? Not in the least. Does she want to be in a committed relationship with you? Never. Does she want to be with you? Only for as long as it takes for her to line up a new man.

You must see what is so plainly obvious to all of us here. SHE IS PLAYING YOU TO BUY HERSELF MORE TIME TO FIND A NEW MAN! That canít possibly be what you want. You are so desperate to have everything be back to the way things used to be that you are willfully ignoring realty.

If you donít accept right now that your relationship with her is dead and gone forever, you are setting yourself up to waste years of your life and endure prolonged pain and heartbreak. Rip the bandaid off and start to heal.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 3:58 PM   #100
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She has completely gone off her rocker after 13 years.
I want to address this statement you made about her, because it reveals that you are still deluding yourself about your relationship.

She is not remotely crazy, nor has she gone off her rocker. Everything she is doing is very predictable. It only appears crazy to you because you are operating under the (incorrect) assumption that she loves you and wants to be with you. It is quite logical (and common) for a woman that has fallen out of love with her spouse to look for a new man. Sure, it would be great if all women simply told the truth to their husbands that they no longer love their husband and want a divorce so that they can have relationships with other men. But the reality is that the idea of being alone and unsupported is very frightening to many women, so they do not want to lose the support of their current husband until they have a replacement locked down. But, to pull that off requires a great amount of deception and lies. Itís not crazyóitís practical.
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Old 4th January 2018, 9:19 AM   #101
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Yes Danny, there are SOME relationships that survive infidelity.

But I want to explain some things to you. Do you KNOW why she decided to come back. I can assure you it is not your sexual prowess.

More than likely, the other guy dumped her. So that makes you PLAN B guy. Number 2. Can you live with that?

If he had not dumped her she would still be with him, I just want you to understand that.

So I guess if you are going that way I will give you the basics.

1) You as the Betrayed Spouse get full and complete access to all forms of communication. Access to all computer and email accounts, all passwords to everything, phone location, everything.

And just as a test, tell her this and ask for her phone immediately and start going through it. Odds are that you will find pictures, and texts that she has been sending to OM. Check the dates, and see when the last on was sent.

If she does not agree, then she has to leave and file for custody. Because she is not "really" wanting to reconcile. She is stringing you along for the next guy that she likes.

2) She has to quit her job if this guy still works there. If she does not, she leaves and you file for custody.

3) There is to be no communication with the OM or any man of any kind for any reason.

4) You get to track her phone and know of her whereabouts at all times.

Now, do you think she will agree to that, because is she does not, you are wasting your time.

She has given me total access, there are no pictures on either social media, or her phone. There hasn't been any calls or texts between the two in a couple weeks (also confirmed by checking call logs through Sprint). I have a tracker on the car, she is not going anywhere out of the ordinary.


I want to believe this is real, she is all about hugs and kisses right now. She has even gone as far as to take off work the last two days to spend them with me alone (her idea). I am ready to walk away from everything job, mortgage, bills, and just give up, I don't know how I will handle this if this isn't real.
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Old 4th January 2018, 9:47 AM   #102
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You don't spend christmas with the family and text other guys...Sorry, it's not real! You enjoy the ability to get your "rocks" off almost all the time. The bad thing is, you supplanted real emotional bonding with sexual encounters. Again, a no-no. She is using your agreement to sex as a way to manipulate the situation. she is even telling you the truth and yet you don't see it the way everyone else is.
She is a morally bankrupt person and will give up sex to have a roof over her head and some financial security. Kinda like a prostitute, just sayin'.
She does not value you or the kids but as a catch all for her disaster of a life. That is sad....
And again, I will repeat. DISEASE is real bro. I read another thread of a guy that had the same deal with his new wife. She had multiple partners and ended up with a drug issue as well. Anyways, he breaks up with her and goes to the doctor....You guessed it. Venereal disease. He had it for long enough time that now the doctor is repeatedly checking him for cancer.
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Old 4th January 2018, 10:14 AM   #103
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She has given me total access, there are no pictures on either social media, or her phone. There hasn't been any calls or texts between the two in a couple weeks (also confirmed by checking call logs through Sprint). I have a tracker on the car, she is not going anywhere out of the ordinary.


I want to believe this is real, she is all about hugs and kisses right now. She has even gone as far as to take off work the last two days to spend them with me alone (her idea). I am ready to walk away from everything job, mortgage, bills, and just give up, I don't know how I will handle this if this isn't real.

Sounds like she went covert like on FB or another phone you don't know about.


First, getting involved with a sh*tty person does not reflect on you. Second, you talk about rubbing her feet and doing things for her and frankly, she has not earned those things. The house is in your name, whatever happens you sleep in your bed and she can sleep on the couch. Stop buying her things and cooking breakfast. If the two of you go out to breakfast, don't pay her bill. You are rewarding her for using you.


She keeps talking to guys and lying to you. You rub her feet. How is that working?


Frankly you hold all the cards but she has you convinced she does. Either man up and do what is best for you or accept that she owns you and she can betray you daily and you just take it. It's really not hard, it's one or the other. Either way it is YOUR choice. I know which one I would make.
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Old 4th January 2018, 10:21 AM   #104
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Hi Danny, you have'nt answered my question. Has she shown signs of true remorse? Blues Power and others will let you know about the markers for True Remorse. If they are present, you are on solid ground if not, you are walking into quick sand. Warm wishes.
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Old 4th January 2018, 3:24 PM   #105
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Hi Danny, you have'nt answered my question. Has she shown signs of true remorse? Blues Power and others will let you know about the markers for True Remorse. If they are present, you are on solid ground if not, you are walking into quick sand. Warm wishes.


I'm not sure what the signs of true remorse are. She hugs, kisses, and tells me sorry for hurting me constantly, this is a drastic shift from a month ago.
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