Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Separation and Divorce

Love my husband but cant continue being controlled

Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 27th September 2017, 2:11 AM   #1
New Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2
Love my husband but cant continue being controlled

I am 28 and my husband is 43. We have been together for 7 years and married a little over a year. In the beginning everything was going fine for us and everything seemed perfect. About 2 years into our relationship we found out i have a hormone deficiency that prevents me from ovulating and being able to concieve without the help of hormone pills. We had a female friend who had moved in with us and she brought up the option of being a surrogate mother for us but said she would like to try and concieve the natural way by having sex with him. We consented and to my knowledge they had only been having sex during her ovulation times. Come to find out months later he had been having sex with her while i was at work. He ended things with her and she moved out after that. Fast forward another 3 years and we come across almost the same situation but this time the girl we brought in was also a love interest for me. In both situations i was not part of the love making and sex. I was ignored and made to feel like i was not a part of what was going on. I have remained faithful throughout everything even though i knew my husband was cheating on me in a sense. We ended things with her as well. The last 2 years have been great and we got married during that time.

I have found over 10 dating sites he has been on or talking to people on in the past 4 months and he deletes things from his phone where he never used to before and every time i use his phone it is always i want my phone back now. I have no proof he is cheating but it is odd he is doing this stuff all of a sudden.

Recently i met some friends who are very much the same as me in a lot of ways. They like to hang out on the weekends and just sit and talk or go to the movies and even drink on occasion. Being a responsible adult if i drink at a friends house i will choose to stay at this persons house overnight til i sober up. My husband has recently gotten into this stage where he is horribly upset every time i am gone from home for too long or stay the night at a friends house after drinking. I never noticed before that he is controlling because i never did anything to make him that upset or make him feel like i am doing this on purpose. Since meeting these friends and discovering the dating sites i have also had a good friend come forward and tell me he wants something more with me. I told my husband i can take care of myself and i have never had any issues doing so. I have also now had my want of a child try to be used against me to control me and keep me home all the time away from friends where he can always watch me as he does not have a job either. He knows that having a child will keep me at home because i do not trust him to take care of a child on his own.

I feel im ready to leave this controlling relationship and move on to something better but im not sure how to leave and end the marriage without him getting violent and would really like some advice on what would be the best course of action. Im scared things can turn for the worst if i try to leave.
Cinacandle198924 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th September 2017, 6:12 AM   #2
Established Member
d0nnivain's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 28,466
He's clearly looking for another woman.

You need to remind him that you two agreed to stop with the threesomes. If he doesn't stop, you have some hard choices.

In the short room, make sure your BC is working. The last thing you need is to bring a child into this uncertain situation.

Does he ever go out of the house for extended periods like for work or to hang out with friends? Pack & leave then. Call him to tell him you are divorcing to avoid the violence.

If leaving when he's not around is not possible, have your parents, a brother or close friends in the house.

Last edited by Moderator; 27th September 2017 at 10:31 AM.. Reason: Merge
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th September 2017, 7:41 AM   #3
Established Member
caveman621's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Central VA
Posts: 309
You say you told him "no more" after the second woman ended. Did he agree to that? If so, this is on him. If not, it's on you.

Not sure what to tell you. If he says he NEEDS this and you insist you don't want it, sounds like an impasse to me.
caveman621 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th September 2017, 5:00 PM   #4
New Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2
He did agree to no other women after the second one because i told him i couldnt do it again. But he has been very insistent that he needs more than one woman. He makes me feel like im never gonna be enough for him.
Cinacandle198924 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th September 2017, 5:33 PM   #5
Established Member
darkmoon's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,717
you need money and a firm will, not like u r now, browbeaten and hypnotised

just leave the old git... xx
darkmoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th September 2017, 11:18 AM   #6
Established Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 19,520
Control is abuse and you have other deal breakers as well. If you are afraid to leave, seek help under abuse category on this site. There is a pinned post for victims. At least talk or read up about leaving so you are prepared.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
confused whether to continue my relationship with non understanding husband. husband lover bumble98 General Relationship Discussion 2 16th November 2014 3:32 AM
Can I continue to love her...? call2thepen Separation and Divorce 2 16th March 2011 2:13 PM
Husband refusing to sign for divorce and want to continue to see girlfriend. lpettiford Separation and Divorce 0 30th December 2005 3:19 PM
my husband wants us to continue threesomes is this damaging our relationship? hottie General Relationship Discussion 13 30th July 2004 6:47 PM
Do i continue trying to get attention and love out of him when i want it vixen Dating 13 18th October 2003 6:15 AM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 3:42 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2018 All Rights Reserved.