Misconstrued Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 It has been a while since I've been on here and a lot has gone on in my life since the last update I posted. In a nutshell, I've been going to therapy and have not had contact with either my ex or my ex-best-friend. I'm still living with my parents since moving out of the apartment I shared with my ex. My sleep is not so great but I'm on sleeping pills and at least getting sleep, even though I have terrible nightmares. However, my life has been distracting to say the least and it wasn't until yesterday that everything truly hit me like a ton of bricks and I had a total mental break-down. I have had a few men recently chase me and ask me out and despite saying no, they seem to try even harder. It makes me miss the connection I was able to have with my ex. I sat down and thought, "am I ever going to have that again?", "will I ever find love and be able to feel loved again?". And at the same time, I'm so afraid of that idea because of what has happened with my ex and the events that unfolded with him. I'm terrified of the idea of being in that situation again with someone I could love and have them abuse me. I suppose I'm writing this update because I want some positive feedback and wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and how they got through it. Link to post Share on other sites
sour_pikle Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 Time................ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 It really does take time. Keep as busy as you can and be around people who love you. Time doesn't heal all, but it helps. Exercise helps, too, and volunteering to help others does too. Is the best friend still pregnant and with her husband or is she with your ex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misconstrued Posted August 6, 2017 Author Share Posted August 6, 2017 Honestly, I have no clue if she's with my ex or with her husband. I have made no contact with either of them and have blocked every communication possible with them. I haven't even spoken to my friends and that is mostly my fault because I have isolated myself and do not respond to their texts, calls and concerns. In a way I don't really want to know if he's with her or what he is doing. I hate them both so much right now, especially him. He disgusts me and it hurts when I think about him. I just want to better myself and get my life together, you know? I feel like if I let even a drop of their life into mine I would fall apart again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 You are doing the right thing by not trying to find who's doing what. Continue complete no contact and give yourself time. But don't isolate yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 Honestly, I have no clue if she's with my ex or with her husband. I have made no contact with either of them and have blocked every communication possible with them. I haven't even spoken to my friends and that is mostly my fault because I have isolated myself and do not respond to their texts, calls and concerns. In a way I don't really want to know if he's with her or what he is doing. I hate them both so much right now, especially him. He disgusts me and it hurts when I think about him. I just want to better myself and get my life together, you know? I feel like if I let even a drop of their life into mine I would fall apart again. Good for you! I know your depression has kept you from keeping in touch with friends, but you also are strong enough to leave him alone and not find out what they are doing. Contact with either one or hearing about them will continue to hurt you until you get past the most difficult part of your recovery. The betrayal was by two people you cared about and I'm sure that makes it worse. I can't address that, but I can tell you that in time you will feel better. That memory does not leave you, but you will be able to look at it more dispassionately as time goes on. Hold on, better times are coming your way. Keep on with therapy and see some friends who understand you don't want to know about ex. A good friend is worth their weight in gold, so do some pleasant things with a friend or two. You will feel better in time. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 I think you're doing well just trying not to even follow what they're doing. That's the goal, to just get to where you don't care and not focus on it. Glad you're in therapy and sorry it's still very hard for you. It is like grieving and goes in stages. Only real advice is stay off their social media and keep them off yours and curtail any mutual friends updating you on them. Tell them "No, really, don't. I don't care anymore." But do go out and make yourself have some fun with friends. And in at home leisure time, watch things that you know will make you laugh. You have to balance this grief. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 Honestly, I have no clue if she's with my ex or with her husband. I have made no contact with either of them and have blocked every communication possible with them. I haven't even spoken to my friends and that is mostly my fault because I have isolated myself and do not respond to their texts, calls and concerns. In a way I don't really want to know if he's with her or what he is doing. I hate them both so much right now, especially him. He disgusts me and it hurts when I think about him. I just want to better myself and get my life together, you know? I feel like if I let even a drop of their life into mine I would fall apart again. Getting past the anger you have towards your ex and his "other woman" is the first step in moving forward.. This is much easier said than done, for sure. But learning to let go of that anger will take a great burden off of your shoulders. A therapist can surely help with that. I don't know if my ex-wife was screwing around on me or not before we separated but all signs certainly pointed in that direction. I was furious when we first split and was even angrier when I found out that "he" moved into the home we bought together. But, at the end of the day, I just kept repeating the same train of thought to myself; they can have each other, I'm a more moral person than they are, and I WILL NOT let them sap any energy from me. Link to post Share on other sites
somuchfortheone Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 Honestly, I have no clue if she's with my ex or with her husband. I have made no contact with either of them and have blocked every communication possible with them. I haven't even spoken to my friends and that is mostly my fault because I have isolated myself and do not respond to their texts, calls and concerns. In a way I don't really want to know if he's with her or what he is doing. I hate them both so much right now, especially him. He disgusts me and it hurts when I think about him. I just want to better myself and get my life together, you know? I feel like if I let even a drop of their life into mine I would fall apart again. not that you care and it's great that you don't - but sometimes it's nice to hear...even if she's with your ex - that crap isn't going to work out. The two of them have ZERO loyalty...he screwed over his girlfriend and she screwed over her best friend AND husband...it's just a matter of time before they screw over each other for the next exciting thing that comes their way... Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 I personally found reading really helpful. I read about red flags, self-esteem, boundaries, etc. I didn't want to be put into a situation like I was with XH and I wanted to understand why I was attracted to it and stayed. Slowly I became to find other things attractive and became open to giving other men a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
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