Jlspin1986 Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 I'm new to this site and I need some advice. I've been with my husband for 11 years and we've been married for five this year. We have always had problems whether it be financially or not being intimate. I guess I finally realized that maybe I don't want to be married anymore and I may be happier being alone. I love my husband but I don't know if I'm in love with him anymore and I'm not attracted to him. We've had issues before where I have suggested that we go to counseling and his answer was always "if we can't talk to each other alone then we don't need to be together." This time I was serious and he agreed, but said he may not agree to everything the therapist says. We were talking for about 2 hours about stuff and he just makes me feel so guilty for even suggesting that we separate and as much as I feel bad I want to be happy. I'm not happy with him anymore. So the very next day he was acting normally like where I loving couple even though you have problems and I just can't get to where he wants me to be. he gets mad at me when I don't kiss him or when he touches me and I asked him not to. What is therapy going to do for us? I agreed to do therapy because that is the last step for me but to be honest I don't know if it's going to change my mind. I'm also worried about living on my own and being able to afford that. Of course every family member is offering to take me in. I don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 Don't rule the therapy out until you've tried it, they may be able to help identify the major issues in your marriage that neither of you is able to really get a handle on. If it DOESN'T work out, worry about what to do then. Don't get too carried away in your planning just now, if you're not in any danger or anything, just not happy. As I recall from the statistics it's actually pretty common for it to be the wife who drags the husband into counseling, and for problems that have been going on for a long time that he's been ignoring. Many people DO manage to make it work when it finally gets through to him that he has to change. You'll feel better for having tried it, at least. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 Marriage is tiring and people get dragged down by life. Most marriages have this period but most of the times it's workable.Both of you need to be in it to give it a shot. Counseling/ therapy can help in ways that you yourself can't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 I've never heard of therapy manufacturing physical attraction as that is based on biology and not something we can control. If being married to someone you can get along with sans attraction works for you, give therapy a try. If you need physical attraction to be happy in a romantic relationship, just rip the band-aid and leave. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 If you're unhappy and don't want to be married and don't feel the love for him anymore that a wife should feel for her husband, then divorce. If there are children then you owe to them to at least give it your best. If no kids, then ask yourself if the marriage is worth salvaging and if you feel you could love your husband again (like when you two first met and fell for one another.). Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Why would you be happier alone? Like someone above mentioned, it just sounds like you are missing the physical attraction. You haven't said anything that he does wrong, so I don't see any evidence of you not liking him as a person. Anything else about him that's bothering you? Why would you be happier alone? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 I'm also worried about living on my own and being able to afford that. Of course every family member is offering to take me in. I don't know what to do. If you don't like this man anymore, you're going to have to suck it up and give up your comfortable life. Yes, you are going to have to downgrade your lifestyle (everyone has to in a divorce) and work harder. This is the price that you have to pay for your freedom. You can't have it both ways. If you don't want to downgrade and work harder, then you'd better start acting like you like this man. Pretend if you must. If you keep ignoring him and taking him for granted, you may wake up and he is leaving you or at the very least is having an affair, getting his needs met by another woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bsbmom579 Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 So I think if anyone who has been married for any length of time were honest, they would admit to going through exactly what you are going through, or at least I know I have. It's not always that "attraction" and "can't wait", etc. There are seasons of marriage. I'm glad you are considering counseling, but there are also so many 'intensive' marriage retreats, etc. that are available. I know for my husband and me...we try (emphasize the 'try') to go to counseling for maintenance....when nothing is wrong...just because communication between men and women are so different (and in our case..I actually take on the 'male' not wanting to talk about stuff...and he would talk about it). Marriage is work...but in today's age....it is given up on so easily. I would encourage you, if there is any way to work through your struggles, you could be amazed at how that attraction and relationship can be rekindled. One resource, we used is Should I Get a Divorce? | Focus on the Family....They were very helpful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Why are you afraid of living on your own? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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