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I'm going to the point. My parent are planning to get a divorce. They have been married for 25+ years. I am their child. Sorry about my grammar or english it's my 2nd language. I want them to stay together but their relationship have been drifting apart. Their planning for divorce have becoming accepted by both parties.

 

Not to go to too much details but what should i do for them to realise that they should be together? I need an ultimatum/last resort.

 

I understand that marriage has become a fragile existence. I'm a bit knowledgeable of modern marriages. But i know it's not enough to help me to accept what's infront of me.

 

Please help me. I need guidance. Thanks in advance.

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I'm going to the point. My parent are planning to get a divorce. They have been married for 25+ years. I am their child. Sorry about my grammar or english it's my 2nd language. I want them to stay together but their relationship have been drifting apart. Their planning for divorce have becoming accepted by both parties.

 

Not to go to too much details but what should i do for them to realise that they should be together? I need an ultimatum/last resort.

 

I understand that marriage has become a fragile existence. I'm a bit knowledgeable of modern marriages. But i know it's not enough to help me to accept what's infront of me.

 

Please help me. I need guidance. Thanks in advance.

 

Your parents are not your parentd, first and foremaot.

 

They are human beings who got into a relationship before you were born, or considered even.

They have every right, sadly to consider what they want, and if that means they want to divorce, there is no way you can keep them together.

Further, you don't have that right.

 

They have no obligation to put aside their own wishes just to keep you happy.

 

Do you love your Mother?

Well, I'm sure she loves you.

 

Do you love your father?

Well, I'm sure he loves you too.

 

But they don't love each other.

 

The length of their marriage really doesn't matter.

 

I want you to think long and hard about this question.

Can you tell me one single thing, on this earth, that will last forever?

That will never cease?

 

Let me stop you over-thinking: There isn't anything that fulfils those criteria.

 

Everything - without exception - has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

Your parents' marriage is no different.

 

Your Dad will always be your Dad.

Your Mom will always be your Mom.

They just won't be husband and wife.

 

And that's OK.

 

Don't make this any harder for them than it already is.

 

Love them both, and want nothing for them, but the best happiness.

 

Just tell them to not put you in the middle and don't them pull you first one way then the other.

 

This is their business, not yours.

 

Your business is just being their child.

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KBarletta

The truth is, unless the two of them want the marriage, there isn't much you can do to make them work on it. You could encourage them to attend marriage counseling, but again, unless they are both fully invested in making it work, it would not work in the long run.

 

You do not mention - how old are you, and long have your parents have been "drifting apart"?

 

If you feel comfortable enough talking to each of them about the situation, I would speak to them and encourage them to give marriage counseling a try and see what comes out of that. But if they are determined to divorce, and they end up changing their minds simply because of some grand gesture on your part, I would expect them to be back in the same place before long. It will take effort from both parties.

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You might be their child but you don't know what exactly has been going on between them, and ultimately it shouldn't matter to you. If either of them try to use emotional blackmailing on you, that's a clear sign for you who to stay away from a little, as sad as that is.

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I'm a child of divorce, so here's my perspective from my experience.

 

My parents married when I was 3, and they only did it because they thought I should have two married parents. BIG MISTAKE. They were unhappy and miserable for years. Constantly fighting and arguing. They're both great parents and gave me a good childhood, but they were very unhappy for a long time. They divorced when I was around 12-13.

 

BELIEIVE ME, it is way better to be FROM a broken home than living IN one. Divorces are never easy on children. At all for lots of different reasons. You are allowed to be upset, sad, even angry. You are entitled to your feelings and to express them in healthy ways.

 

My parents tried counseling before divorcing and it didn't help them. The marriage was dead. Have your parents tried counseling? If not, you can bring it up as a suggestion to them. But they might still be set on divorcing.

 

If they are set on divorcing, they need to keep in mind what's best for you. My parents did that and it helped immensely. They legally had 50/50 custody of me, but they lived close enough to each other that I could easily spend time with either parent I wanted whenever I wanted and they were both supportive about it. If you're under 18 (and with how divorce law works where you live) an option like that as far as custody is something to consider.

 

The worst divorces I've seen involving children are the ones where the custody battles get REALLY ugly because one parent is out to hurt the other. The children are often used as "go-betweens" between the parents like, "Mom told me to tell you blah blah blah" that kind of thing and parents will insult the other parent in front of the children. It doesn't do anything except hurt the kids and it's cruel.

 

I obviously don't know the dynamics of your parents' marriage or potential divorce, but if they are set on divorce, let them know what you need from them to help. They're your parents and they love you, and they want what's best for you in the end.

 

I'm also wondering how old you are? Are you under 18? Are you a student? If you're in school, you can talk to a school counsellor or other mental health professional if you have access to it. There are a lot of services for children of divorce and they can be really good for you. I live in the US and, as I was under 18 when my parents divorced, a guardian ad litem was appointed to me. Basically, that person is in charge of keeping the children's best interest in mind during the legal business of a divorce.

 

I hope your parents will keep your interests at heart, no matter the outcome. Don't let them emotionally blackmail you or use you as a weapon to hurt the other parent. They're adults and should behave like adults.

 

Finally, don't give up on love or your dreams or anything. When my parents relationship fell apart I was terrified of becoming just like them with the whole "apple falls far from the tree" thing. But when I got older, moved to university, and grew up more I realized I'm NOT my parents. I can see where they made mistakes in their life, and I will make my own (already have) but I'm not giving up on love or a happy marriage at some point in my life.

 

Be strong and hang in there. There's a lot of resources online to look at for this kind of thing. Keep posting online if it helps you. Remember, you are not your parents. You are your own person with a bright future ahead of you. Seek counseling as well, if you can or feel that's something that will be helpful.

 

Check out this video. It's the last scene from Mrs. Doubtfire and it has some really wise words about families and divorce. If you haven't seen it, watch the whole movie sometime:

 

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