AlDavidson Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 My wife and I have been married for 4 years, and together for 10 years. During that time, a lot has happened. She lost her parents, her home, her job. I gave up my friends, family, and career to be with her. After 3 or so years, I began to feel distant from her. She never wanted to kiss or hold me, our sex life was non-existent, and a lot of the time, it felt like she didn't want me around, but would complain if I weren't there. The day before I got married, I told my best friend I was having second thoughts, and that I don't think I love this woman anymore. My friend assured me it was pre-wedding nerves. Ever since the wedding, I feel like I've outgrown my usefulness in her life and the only reason I'm around is because neither of us have done anything about getting a divorce. I haven't felt loved by her for a long time, even before we got married, but I must have thought getting married would make her happy and love me. Since these feelings of being unloved have started, I have ended up going out, getting drunk, and having a couple of one-night-stands, not just for sex, but for the kissing and holding that comes with it. I feel terrible about it, and I'm not trying to justify my actions, I just feel it's important to say everything. Some of the time, I feel so unloved by her, that it hurts me to look at her, and that's not just guilt, as that feeling has been there long before my infidelity. Some of the time when I do look at her, I feel love for her. Some of the time when I look at her, I feel anger and pain. The rest of the time I just see her and pity her. She has pushed me away, and will actively avoid the conversation whenever I try to talk to her about it, and thus she has no real idea of how I feel. When I do get her to talk and listen, she throws a fit and storms out, making it impossible to really tell her. She has pushed me out of the relationship, and she doesn't even know it, or she at least won't acknowledge it. Should I tell her about me being unfaithful in order to get her to listen, or do I spare her the further pain and humiliation, and just walk away? Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Have you told her that if the marriage continues on the path that it is you will Not stay in it? Then have you told her what you BOTH need to do to try to get the marriage back on track? Have you given her (and yourself) a timeline for these changes? IC & MC & date nights & couples get togethers & Home Projects together & setting goals and all that other stuff like listening, hearing, understanding oh and NOT cheating.... CiH* Link to post Share on other sites
Braven86 Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 I'm also going through a separation of my own however it was her choice. If you really don't feel love her anymore and are unforfilled it's hard even though your not in love anymore. From what you said here I'd move on it sucks at first but very eye opening. Have yall already tried councilors? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 I have ended up going out, getting drunk, and having a couple of one-night-stands, not just for sex, but for the kissing and holding that comes with it. I feel terrible about it, and I'm not trying to justify my actions, I just feel it's important to say everything. How did this seem like a solution when other honorable efforts - counseling, separation, etc. - seem to have gone untested? Hard to exclusively blame her, you both seem to have one foot in and one foot out. Either fix it or end it... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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