Exwife is behaving oddly

[Toph]

Hi everyone,

 

Quick background,

 

Ex wanted a divorce (she was seeing someone else and I was mentally ill) it wasnt the greatest of relationships in the last years (2 out of the 13 we were together) We have two children and have been divorced 2 years now.

 

 

 

The other week my ex found out that i have begun a new relationship and since then has been very aggressive, alternating with very attentive and friendly (before this she was just very business like in any of our dealings)

 

She finally saw my new GF last week, two days later, I went round to my ex's residence to pick up my sons bike and gear for when he comes to stay with me, she has moved a table to sit in the only window i pass and has placed flowers from a male friend right against the window for me to see, the card in plain view.

 

 

What I dont understand is why do all this, and change behaviour, it is starting to interfear with discussions about the children (schooling, day care etc), she was the one that wanted divorce and wanted me out of her life? am i missing something? am i suposed to get get upset that she gets flowers?

 

Any response would be great

 

Cheers

 

Toph

[Merin]

Toph, Well even if she was the one who wanted the divorce, it is hurting her ego now to think that you're happy WITHOUT her, and you've moved on....

 

Is the flowers suppose to make you upset? LOL Yes! She obviously wants you to know that she has someone else too because it somehow makes her feel better.

 

Just ignore her clues and hints that she is seeing someone else... who cares? You've moved on. In fact... LOL I would kill her a** with kindness... tell her how happy you are for her that she has found someone that makes her happy.

[Toph]

Thanks for the advice Merin2

[Toph]

I still dont understand why it hurts her ego that i have moved on without her, she wanted me out of her life. Would someone please explain this to me id really like to "get it" so i can make the few discussions we have go smoother

 

Cheers

 

Toph

[Merin]

Toph, While I understand where your coming from... it is hard to get why it is someone tells you and shows you that they don't want you in thier life and then can go the other route and act as if it eats them up when and if you move on....

 

First of course it's her Ego... although she moved on, somewhere in her mind she really thought you wouldn't (trust me there are a lot of people out there like this) it is totally unrealistic thought process... but it does happen.

 

Could be that she isn't so happy in the relationship she's found... and is worried that maybe she made a mistake in letting go of you.... damn people always look so much better to us when someone else wants what we either had or have:lmao: sad, but so often true.

 

Honestly I wouldn't worry about the discussions with her... quite simply you don't owe her anything of an explanation of who you're seeing or not seeing... she lost the right to that 411 a long time ago.

 

Keep it all about your kiddo's when you must talk with her... be pleasant... don't feel you need to justify to her who you are seeing or why, because you don't.

 

Amazing how sometimes, we don't see the person we had in the same light that we see them when they have finally healed and become the person again that we fell in love with to begin with... make sense?!

[Toph]

wow thanks now i get a little understanding.

 

thanks for all your help

[Merin]

Originally posted by Toph

wow thanks now i get a little understanding.

 

thanks for all your help

 

You're most welcome;)

[L4NOW]

I was looking for a male point of view- and read yours on x-wife- my thoughts- you don't want something until you can't have it anymore- she is just trying to make you jealous- which makes me want to ask are you sure its over? Maybe she didn't realise her feelings until she saw you with someone else!

 

Ok now a question for you- I was married 12 yrs 4 kids- he left swore there wasn't anyone else, that it was all my fault. It has recently come out that there was another girl- we are the third marriage she has ended. Is it possible this is a mid-life crisis? I just really want my family back- any thoughts?

 

Thanks

[Merin]

Originally posted by L4NOW

I was looking for a male point of view- and read yours on x-wife- my thoughts- you don't want something until you can't have it anymore- she is just trying to make you jealous- which makes me want to ask are you sure its over? Maybe she didn't realise her feelings until she saw you with someone else!

 

Ok now a question for you- I was married 12 yrs 4 kids- he left swore there wasn't anyone else, that it was all my fault. It has recently come out that there was another girl- we are the third marriage she has ended. Is it possible this is a mid-life crisis? I just really want my family back- any thoughts?

 

Thanks

 

L4NOW... I'm sorry to hear of your marriage ending... I'm certain after such a long time together and with children it was and is painful...

 

It very well could be that your husband went through a mid-life crisis... however... the other girl he became involved with DIDN'T end the marriage... HE did.

 

Regardless IF she has been involved with 2 other MM besides your husband... the person ultimately responsible for the success or failure of the marriage or the ending of it, is the people who made the vow's, promises, and committments.

 

I wish you strength in healing.