losteverything Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 urgent advice please! separated now nearly a year, wife ended it,no longer loves me and for my selfish actions and a being a poor husband etc long story in the last year we have gone from zero contact,which she started to how things are right now,which is we talk,but she has said her feelings haven't changed,she knows how much i love her and how sorry i am and want to try again and well its our wedding anniversary in 4 days time, i cant do nothing and just forget about it i have got her a present and of course flowers,i want to give them to her in person,but i really dont know how she will react with me at the door and i dont want to say the wrong thing once there....any advice? i have a feeling that she will maybe just see it as another day and it means nothing now,just dont know Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 I would have suggested mailing her a sappy card. Since you prefer the in person delivery -- knowing her better you have to determine if you want to set something up to meet or you want to surprise her. If she hates surprises do not ambush her. When you get there, hand her what you got & tell her that this is evidence that you have changed, your reformed & you want to be husband she wants. Ask her to give you the chance to court her. Remind her that you two fell in love once & assure her that you are willing to work to get that back. It may not have a happy ending because she may simply be done. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 urgent advice please! separated now nearly a year, wife ended it,no longer loves me and for my selfish actions and a being a poor husband etc long story in the last year we have gone from zero contact,which she started to how things are right now,which is we talk,but she has said her feelings haven't changed,she knows how much i love her and how sorry i am and want to try again and well its our wedding anniversary in 4 days time, i cant do nothing and just forget about it i have got her a present and of course flowers,i want to give them to her in person,but i really dont know how she will react with me at the door and i dont want to say the wrong thing once there....any advice? i have a feeling that she will maybe just see it as another day and it means nothing now,just dont know Trouble with this is I am 100% sure she is aware of her feelings for you, it is pretty much impossible to hide it, and females have a nak for picking up on these things.. If this is the case then she knows she can have you if she wants you, and if she wanted you I really doubt she would hesitate in reciprocating. At this point it is fairly likely that she is getting something from you, and my guess would be 'comfort', but that can be one way. You can give her flowers if you want, but keep in mind these things are more often than not a one way street- which leaves you feeling pretty ****ty about yourself/lost. Am only going off the little bit of info you have given, so I could be wrong. My advice though, is leave it alone, it is silly to hurt yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author losteverything Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 well i arrived with flowers and a gift,and it did not go at all well told her,i have changed,and will work to show her how much she means to me.....she not interested in any way she is done the woman i married,is long gone she was like someone with a heart of ice i dont know why one day she is happy to see me and have contact then,wants nothing.....cant do this anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Author losteverything Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 well i arrived with flowers and a gift,and it did not go at all well told her,i have changed,and will work to show her how much she means to me.....she not interested in any way she is done the woman i married,is long gone she was like someone with a heart of ice i dont know why one day she is happy to see me and have contact then,wants nothing.....cant do this anymore Link to post Share on other sites
yorkie Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 im sorry for you situation but i dont understand you being honest! my ex walked out on me and it took me 3 months to go NC well actually LC cos we have kids its more text messaging just about our kids but why arent you healing? why arent you in NC, im not being funny but you havent moved on at all! and your still hurting and i cant understand that! why put yourself through that! you keep going back for more pain she is happy to be friends but you love this woman! and i feel for you but hey man you need to move on! sorry to sound harsh! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thedude1974 Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 We always want what we can't have, and tend to reject / mistreat what is thrown at us. Neediness = No respect No respect = No love She would never want you as long as she knows she can have you back in a heartbeat. 180. File for divorce. Move on. Going through the path of least resistance in your mind will only ensure you further pain. Detach. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 Every decent person who has harmed or injured another has that "get out of jail card" . It just depends who the warden is and the allegations that created the separation. I can sincerely understand the guy wanting to patch things up, He see's the errors of his past and is willing to improve. The reality is, the best way to improve at this point is to learn from that past error and make the best of the new improved him. Certainly make amends for any character flaws, no strings (or flowers attached!). There are some behaviors that are deal breakers, perhaps for her there are no second chances. respect that about her. make peace with this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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