Monodare1 Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Hi all My wife told me over a heated email exchange that she spoke to her lawyer regards my nightly brief chats with my son over FaceTime, apparently her lawyer said that she is under no obligation to let me speak to him nightly and that twice during the week would suffice. I'm scared that I'll dim in importance as his parent in his eyes if he sees me less. Is this right, or indeed is this fair? Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Hi all My wife told me over a heated email exchange that she spoke to her lawyer regards my nightly brief chats with my son over FaceTime, apparently her lawyer said that she is under no obligation to let me speak to him nightly and that twice during the week would suffice. I'm scared that I'll dim in importance as his parent in his eyes if he sees me less. Is this right, or indeed is this fair? I'm in a really bad mood...so this just pissed me off immediately. I would never EVER tell my husband when he couldn't speak to HIS children. Your wife sounds like a complete wench. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MrE_UK Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) Hi, Legally, you do not have the right to contact; but, perversely, you do have Parental Responsibility. It's all backward here! The way I tackle this for nightly FaceTime is amicably with my STBXW and we do not use a Solicitor - although she took legal advice and they said the same, so, she's ignoring them (for now!). She sees it as we'll do what is best for our daughter. Initially, I put it to her like this: "Despite our differences and feelings, I think [child] would benefit if we could be amicable and work together for [child's] sake. I can put all of our stuff aside for the sake of [child] if you can. "I would very much like to maintain a relationship with [child], as you know I love [child] very much and feel [child] would benefit more if we could be friendly. "I am only asking for 20 minutes a day to have some fun with [child], chat, hear about their day, and say goodnight. I think [child] would enjoy it as well and know that Daddy is always nearby so they can feel safe and secure in life. "I hope you will agree that legal doesn't necessarily mean best. Shall we set [child] a better example from now on? After all, [child] will learn about relationships from watching us! All [child] will think is, 'I have the best parents in the world, and they love me.'" Depends on the woman I guess, but my STBXW agreed it would be more beneficial to our daughter than not. She has also helped with travel costs to seeing her, as STBXW believes we should do what we have to. I reassured her that as soon as I am sorted, then I would reciprocate, pay back and/or help her in the future should the need arise (within reason). Always look to be amicable and reasonable even if she isn't. It is tough as hell!!! Edited October 30, 2013 by MrE_UK Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 My wife's ex husband had it in the custody agreement for mandated regular calls with his child. However - It was made more difficult in that the actual legal language was that she had to make her/his daughter call him - rather than for him to be allowed to call. It was a power play - you shall have my daughter call me every night.... what pressure on the the kid. It was never enforced. Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 THAT IS HORRIBLE!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE!! I would fight that to the death. Is she "obligated?" No. Is it her duty as a MOTHER to allow it? F YES! Your ex is a c*nt and so is her attorney. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Is it right (or within her rights)? Probably. Is it fair? Absolutely not. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Just tell your son "mommy doesn't want daddy to talk to you anymore" I firmly beleove that parents that do manipulative and destructive things like this intentionally should have their intentions exposed to the child. The kid reserves to know who the evil parent really is, because not only is she going to deprive him of father son time but she is going to poison his mind about how good of a person his father is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Just tell your son "mommy doesn't want daddy to talk to you anymore" I firmly beleove that parents that do manipulative and destructive things like this intentionally should have their intentions exposed to the child. The kid reserves to know who the evil parent really is, because not only is she going to deprive him of father son time but she is going to poison his mind about how good of a person his father is. That's a tough call. Most "experts" say that the key to a child coming out of a divorce "healthy" requires both parents to refrain from demonizing/criticizing the other parent in any way. Period. And, really, you just don't do that to a little kid. It's confusing, to say the least. I have harsh words for the mother here, but when it comes to explaining it to the kid, that's a different ballgame altogether. You have to be careful with that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 That's a tough call. Most "experts" say that the key to a child coming out of a divorce "healthy" requires both parents to refrain from demonizing/criticizing the other parent in any way. Period. And, really, you just don't do that to a little kid. It's confusing, to say the least. I have harsh words for the mother here, but when it comes to explaining it to the kid, that's a different ballgame altogether. You have to be careful with that. I'll go one step further and say ABSOLUTELY do not try to make mom out to be the bad guy. It will make mom more vindictive, it will confuse your child, and make things much worse. Don't be spineless and roll over, but when talking to your son if he brings it up, I would just be positive. "You can call me anytime you want." "I'd love to talk to you everyday" Make mom say that your son can't call certain nights as I'm sure she'll be the one to make up stories. And kids are pretty smart. He'll figure out mom is lying about something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monodare1 Posted October 30, 2013 Author Share Posted October 30, 2013 Trouble is, my boy isn't even three yet. I'm afraid that I will become less relevant in his little life if he sees and speaks to me less. His mum and I are not getting on and I'm worried she is using this as a tool. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Just tell your son "mommy doesn't want daddy to talk to you anymore" I firmly beleove that parents that do manipulative and destructive things like this intentionally should have their intentions exposed to the child. The kid reserves to know who the evil parent really is, because not only is she going to deprive him of father son time but she is going to poison his mind about how good of a person his father is. I agree. However, the problem is that the truly evil parent is the one most likely to make claims like this to the child; they twist and distort information to make the child believe that the other parent is a monster. So if you do the same (even if true), the child will see two parents both making the same claim about the other. Better to let the child grow up and discover the truth for him/herself. They will believe their own conclusion more than anything you could present to them. Link to post Share on other sites
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