digger Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 The love of my life hit me with D papers 4 1/2 months ago. Its not official yet but Ive tried flowers, talking, promising, you name it. From the day the papers came and not a minute before--all I get is 'I DONT LOVE YOU ANYMORE". OUTSIDE AT THE LAWYERS, she looked at me and laughed with "Look at me, Im indifferent, I just dont care" said it cockily...and 6 months ago she wrote "stay with me forever" and "i wish i could whisk you to a tropical island". She refuses counseling yet wants me to go with my daughter. Ive written her and never get a reply...and now I find out she wants to move 500 miles away with my daughter not even giving reconciliation a shot. After 21 yrs, just to get up and run. Dont tell me theres someone else because b4 the papers came she was always home on time and i never lost trak of her. She is now too--with my daughter, whom by the way, hasnt called me or answered the phone in 6 weeks and her mother obviously isnt pushing her to do so. And the divorce drags on. Ive put in my 'wants to get it wrapped up but I never hear from the other side leading me to hope shes thinking about it, but im not sure. When she has spoken she says things like "youll never change" and " i want to find someone wholl treat me like a queen". I just cant get thru to her at all. Maybe the divorce is what she 'needs' before we can begin to repair it. Do they ever lose the anger? Is there any reason to hope? Ive promised her the world and it falls on deaf ears. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Why is she so angry? How does she feel you neglected or mistreated her? Why does she believe that you are only now willing to take her feelings seriously, since she's served you with divorce papers? These are the questions you need to be able to answer before you can begin to reconcile with her, even as a friend and the co-parent of your daughter. The fact that she is saying these things to you in anger and meant to surprise and hurt you with divorce papers suggests that she feels she has some reason(s) to be angry with you. What are they? And, what was the catalyst (straw that broke the camel's back) that led her to act on them so dramatically as this? -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Author digger Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 Im really unsure. We both moved to a place we hate and worked our a**es off and i guess we saw each other 30 minutes a nite and were just cohabitating. She says its been working on her for 10 years but hell, we were lafing on Xmas. Its not like she missed her youth, shes not the 'go out" partying type. Would never catch her in a bar. She just now "feels so free" and "can laf at what I want". I never stopped her from doing those things. It seems it all started when i went out for 3 beers after work without reporting in, and i came home to all my clothes in the yard. I shouldve called but she shouldnt have done that. She called police thinking i was hurt. This was on Dec. 30th. She cared then--how can she not care so much now. Link to post Share on other sites
edweirdo Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 In most states she can't move out of state with your daughter unless you give permission. Oh, and to answer the question, how long does it hurt, I believe the answer is that it never stops hurting, the degree just gets less as time goes on. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Digger, No doubt your life circumstances had something to do with the split between you -- the old growing apart story. However, there's clearly a lot more going on with her that she either hasn't shared with you or that you haven't heard if she's tried. Your account is too thin and presents too many gaps to be the story from her side. She's specifically very angry with you about some larger issues. It's not one night out with the boys. It's much more. For one, her comment about being able to laugh at what she likes suggests she feels you've quashed her -- like she couldn't be her true self with you. Why is that? Don't think about this defensively. Try thinking about it from her pov. That's the only way you'll get to the bottom of this. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Andrew St. Wilson Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Maybe she is right... She is leaving you because you never changed. What is it that you do or don't do? Did you rush sex? Did you take her for granted? Did you get fat on her? Maybe she is a gold digger? Maybe you just sickened her to the point of "I'm out of here"? Who knows women anymore. Let it go! If she moves away, find a new love. When your daughter grows up, she'll know the truth. Unless you are just a real problem to everyone and refused to face your own ego, or unwillingness to change? Then again who knows? Pray about it...then let it go! "All things work for good" (Romans-8:28) Link to post Share on other sites
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