TheVoski Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 My wife left me for another man in October 2012. Well, it's been 6 months with minimal contact (only about our daughter) and we finally signed the divorce papers. I have sole custody with her having visitation (with an extra added 2 days a month). We signed the papers last week. I was all up for it but once they were signed its like I'm back in my slump. It's like the only reason I was trying to move forward was cause I felt like there was still hope. She's still with the OM who she tells and post on Facebook who she "EFFIN LOVES <3" and that he is perfect. To read my whole situation you should look at my posts for around Oct & Nov 2012. Anyway, how do I get over this slump. I'm sad it's over and I miss her and still have feelings. She seems to be perfectly happy with what is going on.
Mr. Lucky Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Anyway, how do I get over this slump. I'm sad it's over and I miss her and still have feelings. You don't get over it, instead you accept that for now it's the normal course of things. When someone - or something - dies, we grieve in stages as part of a natural process. And in your life something has passed that you thought was permanent and lasting so that grief is inevitable. Give yourself some time and space - 6 months isn't very long. Stay busy with your daughter, work, hobbies and friends. Don't date until you feel you're ready. Listen to your mind and heart - they'll tell you when the next step is here. There's not one magic day where you wake up and the sadness/anger/remorse/denial/depression is gone as its grip lessens incrementally in way that's hard to gauge. But there will come a time when you cross the axis and are more happy and less sad. Lots of us have made the same journey... Mr. Lucky 2
Cali408 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I'm sorry to hear about your predicament. Don't worry, she'll come back down to earth. You've won in the long run. You have sole custody, and can live an honest life. You didn't abandon your child. Don't be in a rush, just get things together and soon the sun will shine. I read a statistic where less than 1% of all extramarital affairs last. Its foundation is not built on trust. Right now she is living the life with the brain chemistry making her high. Unless she is a complete narcissist, reality will soon hit. The grass is only greener by the septic tank because it's full of crap.
Gunny376 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 He's not perfect! He's perfect at the moment, but as soon as she realizes he's not perfect ~ that he belches, says the inappropriate thing to the wrong people at the wrong time ~ or does the wrong thing or doesn't say or do the right thing. That he gains weight, has spots of laziness, in-difference, is losing his hair, has weird sexual fantasies, watches porn just like any other guy ~ drinks too much, yada ~ yada ~ yada........................(The list is endless) If this clown is perfect? He's the first I've ever heard of or come across. Then again? Maybe he's J.C. and he's come back? I doubt that. Quit putting her up on a pedestal, if she was all that then she wouldn't have been cheating on you and left you for this douche' bag. The fact of the matter is? Usually when you've got yourself a WWW, they usually and actually trade down from what they had. The reason she did this? Is because she couldn't "function" with you. Its not a question of your not living up to her level and expectations ~ but rather a case of where she couldn't live up to yours! In so far as her saying on FB that this clown is perfect? I have to question who's she's trying to convince? You and others or herself? I've been divorced from the XHEX for 23 years and she's still doing this crap. The last time I spoke with her she told me that she "Thanks God everyday for ____________!" But, then she turns around and says, "IF you try to get me back? Your going to have to fight ______________ Look! The only way I'm going to fight ______________is IF he trys and bring your sorry azz back and dump you off on me! Sorry Brother, you wanted her, you got her, you can damn well keep her! Its like the older guy that retired, and decided that he wanted a sports car? So he goes down and buys a Corvette. Here he is sixty-something in a convertible Corvette. He get 'her' on the road and decide to see what 'she'll' do. So he puts his foot in 'her" and off he goes! Before he knows it? He's cruising along at about 120 mph. Suddenly an Alabama State Trooper pulls behind him and turns on his 'gumball lights!" The old man floors it, and soon he's up to 160 ~ 170 mph with the State Trooper right on his tail. The old man thinks, "What am I doing? I'm too damn old for this!" and pulls it over. The ST walks up and asks for his DL, registration, proof of insurance. Then he tells the guy, "My shift is over in a half hour and I'm ready to get home. If you can give me an excuse as to why you were speeding that I've NEVER heard before? I'll let you go! The Old Man thinks for a minute, and tells him ~ "Well thirty-five years ago my x-wife ran off with a State Trooper! When you got behind me? I thought and was afraid you were him trying to bring her BACK!!!!!" :eek: :eek: :confused: :confused: 3
GuyInLimbo Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 First of all, wtf are you looking at her FB posts? Block her right now and instruct your friends/family to do the same or NOT to tell you anything about her. Why are you torturing yourself? That's childish behavior. That said, Mr. Lucky's post is spot on. Take care of yourself. Do you have a therapist you are seeing regularly? 2
Cali408 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Here is an interesting study about affairs... n the book Private Lies by Dr. Frank Pittman, he has a very good summary of reasons why second marriages between persons involved in an affair very seldom succeed. Generally he notes that disasters are only inevitable when people use romance to jump from marriage to marriage without a rest stop between. He says that there is something inherently doomed in those marriages that begin as marriage-wrecking affairs. He noted that in his practice while over half the people who get into romantic affairs end up divorced, only one-fourth marry the affairee. It is likely that over three-fourths of these affair marriages end up in divorce. He says that there is a greater likelihood that the divorcing partner will be back with the original spouse in five years that that the romantic affair will be a stable marriage at that time. He gives 12 reasons for this phenomenon: • Intervention of reality • Guilt • Disparity of sacrifice • Expectations • General distrust of marriage • Distrust of affairee • Divided loyalties • The nature of infidels • The nature of affairees • Romance • Scapegoating the betrayed • Unshared history Out of 100 couples, (Pittman’s sample in his book private lies) He said 50% of affairs couples divorced. But, only 12% (12) actually married OP. And then 75% of those failed (12*.75)= 9 Thus only 3 married betrayers are left 2
Author TheVoski Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 No, I'm not seeing a therapist. I just got nosey and had a mutual friend showe her profile. She has me blocked. Has anyone read any of my previous posts about what had occurred between us. I like getting outside opinions and advice. Helps me think of what to do in next step. I, and others, think she traded down but her family gives her nothing but encouragement. I'm still trying to grasp how she could throw me away like that and it's like she deleted all feelings for me.
Mr. Lucky Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I, and others, think she traded down but her family gives her nothing but encouragement. I'm still trying to grasp how she could throw me away like that and it's like she deleted all feelings for me. Your mistake is trying to assign rational thought and motives to someone acting irrationally. "Traded down" implies a calculated comparison, something a WS is incapable of. First of all, wtf are you looking at her FB posts? Block her right now and instruct your friends/family to do the same or NOT to tell you anything about her. Why are you torturing yourself? That's childish behavior. Bingo. Turn your focus elsewhere and, in time, your heart and mind will follow... Mr. Lucky
Author TheVoski Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 I try to. I know there is better things out there for me but its like I can't get her out of my mind. Some nights I have dreams about her. I know she is very irrational and I do hope to have that "HA!" Moment. I'm just like why does she get to have the happiness and I don't? Why do I feel like life is less beautiful now yet she thinks its more.
Loveroster Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Brother , if you want to forget her ,, i strongly advice you to go to Thailand, Pattaya. Go there , and relax for two weeks. Get away from your home town , and meet hot women there, eat great food , dress nice and party a bit. Do if for 2 weeks , and come back refreshed and start a new adventure of life. Be happy , you are free. Good luck. 1
jsh Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 To be honest (and I realize that I don't know all of the details and it may be foolish for me to say this) but I kinda wish I was in your situation since you have sole custody. Your ex has given up your kids and is enjoying her life with another. I cannot imagine wanting to get back together with her. Surround yourself with a good support system (family, friends, therapist). Time should heal everything. I think before you know you will meet another woman who will be impressed by your qualities as a father and who would want to be with you.
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