ValeriaM Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Hi, I recently filed for divorce last week. It wasn't what I wanted but my husband sees things his way or no way at all. I could never connect with him emotionally - he never wanted to understand my feelings. All I wanted was a best friend, someone I could trust and who would treat me as an equal. He wanted a maid and a sex partner. I felt totally alone being married to him. No connection emotionally because the world revolved around him. I wasn't important - I was there just to be a "wife". I love him and it hurts but I can't be in a marriage that I don't feel I'm treated as an equal and a "best friend". When we had problems he'd call up his family and tell them everything. I felt like an outsider. Anyway - I know it's best that I leave this marriage because he's just too into himself. He will be served divorce papers this week and it breaks my heart because I still love him but can no longer be treated like someone who isn't important and whose feelings do not matter. My self esteem was eroding. I am sad and it's difficult - I feel like such a failure - we were so close before we got married - he treated me so much better before I became his wife. Once we got married he treated me totally different - all respect went out the window and I was to conform to his standards of what a wife should be. He didn't marry me as a person - he married me to have a body in his house cleaning and cooking and performing sex acts. I tried talking to him about my feelings but he laughed at me. This hurt me a great deal. We had big arguments - I could never get a word in so I gave up. I'm sad - going thru the motions. Is this feeling normal? I miss what we had before we got married. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaSongbird Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Hey Valeria -- I know how you feel. I was married before and before we were married, it was a good relationship. He was interesting in meeting my needs - emotionally and physically. But that changed after we were married. Just because you know you'll be better off without him doesn't mean it's not painful to end the relationship. Feeling like a failure is very common. I felt the same way but those feelings ease with time. If you have the means or the resources, join a support group or get a little therapy to help you in the transition. Link to post Share on other sites
reggio Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Hi there, I undesrtand what you are going through, as a matter of fact I served my wife a divorce for most of the same reasons as yours. You mentioned: "All I wanted was a best friend, someone I could trust and who would treat me as an equal". Did you feel this before you got married? Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Hi, Since I've children, perhaps my situation is more complicated than your own, and I'm still trying to decide which way to go. But, I have to say that it does take some bravery to do what you've done. When, and, if, the time comes to "pull the trigger" on this marriage I hope I can. Interesting analogy: "pulling the trigger?" What is it? Euthanasia or Suicide or Both? You've done it. What would you say? Link to post Share on other sites
sienna Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Originally posted by ValeriaM Hi, I recently filed for divorce last week. It wasn't what I wanted but my husband sees things his way or no way at all. I could never connect with him emotionally - he never wanted to understand my feelings. All I wanted was a best friend, someone I could trust and who would treat me as an equal. He wanted a maid and a sex partner. I felt totally alone being married to him. No connection emotionally because the world revolved around him. I wasn't important - I was there just to be a "wife". I love him and it hurts but I can't be in a marriage that I don't feel I'm treated as an equal and a "best friend". When we had problems he'd call up his family and tell them everything. I felt like an outsider. Anyway - I know it's best that I leave this marriage because he's just too into himself. He will be served divorce papers this week and it breaks my heart because I still love him but can no longer be treated like someone who isn't important and whose feelings do not matter. My self esteem was eroding. I am sad and it's difficult - I feel like such a failure - we were so close before we got married - he treated me so much better before I became his wife. Once we got married he treated me totally different - all respect went out the window and I was to conform to his standards of what a wife should be. He didn't marry me as a person - he married me to have a body in his house cleaning and cooking and performing sex acts. I tried talking to him about my feelings but he laughed at me. This hurt me a great deal. We had big arguments - I could never get a word in so I gave up. I'm sad - going thru the motions. Is this feeling normal? I miss what we had before we got married. Link to post Share on other sites
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