will_woman Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 My husband cheated on me in last year August. Now, we have reached the stage of negotiation from both sides lawyer. I am demanding income loss (as I quit my job to join him and he send me home later on by saying he found a new gf), house loss and some other ancilliary issues. Actually, my husband went to the lawyer first asking for marriage anulment. Then I have to engage one as he owe me compensation. In fact, I always got emotionally disturbed whenever I have to touch on the divorce stuff. My lawyer advised me not to claim all and try to take a few steps back. She said my husband will definitely come back and negotiate for more "discount" if he sees the whole bill. Meaning to say that I be kind to take steps back so that he cannot ask for more cut. My lawyer is hoping to get anulment which is best for me else we will have to step into divorce stage. Am I weak? It's been more than 6 months and I will cry at times. I have been doing all lot of things to be kind to myself and divert my attention away. One more thing which bother me. My husband actually leaving me for his new love. I am an abandoned woman...and I really feel very upset about that. I know it's a fact and I have to accept it. I even wish that he will fail in his career as he is an expat in that country with that woman. Without that level of income, I am sure he will suffer. Okay....coming to this site to vent my anger. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss_Prolixity Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Hello Will_Woman, I am truly sorry you had to suffer through infidelity and divorce. My heart goes out to you and I pray that you will be comforted through this trying time. Right now your level of stress would be exceedingly high. Being cheated on and divorced would take an extreme toll on anyone. There are a few beneficial books to read. One is called, "The Journey from Heartbreak to Connection", by: Susan Anderson. It deals really well with abondonment issues/recovery from childhood to divorce. Then there's, "Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends", by: Bruce Fisher and Robert Albert. This is an extremely helpful book when you're suffering through a divorce or break-up. Basically, it deals with all the stages you will endure, from: denial, fear, adaptation, loneliness, guilt, grief, anger, and finally letting go. Both are workshop books that give you the tools to proceed through this difficult time. But just like weight loss books, nothing will happen if don't apply the principles to your life. Again, I am very sorry that you have to endure this pain. Although I know how theraputic writing can be. So anytime you need to express anger, hurt, or anything, you know there's a place to get your thoughts out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author will_woman Posted April 12, 2004 Author Share Posted April 12, 2004 thanks a lot...miss prolixity IN fact, I just dropped by book store and grabbed the book "journey from abandonment to healing". Plan to get the other one recommended by you. I do not know why I am feeling down these few days. Have been crying a bit these days. I feel that my healing process has reached the stagnant point now. Is there such thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss_Prolixity Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Hey Will_Woman, I am glad to hear you picked up the book on abandonment. The tools it shares within are really beneficial. Plus, parts of the book allows you time for depth, meaningful thoughts and healing. Throughout your "trauma" you will have varied emotions, ranging from highs to lows. Some days you might feel really defeated (stagnant) and others you might feel a glimpse of hope. But, these feelings can range differently everyday. I think I've felt every emotion ever known to man when my ex broke up with me. I never felt that my future looked so doomed and bleak until he was gone. And when others would tell me it gets better with time, I really never put trust into their words. After all, it's the worst pain imaginable to human kind (at least that's what I thought). But here I am at the three month mark and I can tell you, it REALLY does get better. I am not quite over everything and some days are still worse than others. But, I do have hope now and I truly believe this experience has changed me for the better, literally! I know that's so hard to imagine right now since you are hurting very intensely. But, read the books, share your hurt with family and friends, write on the boards or a journal and watch how glimpses of hope do prevail. Even if that means taking baby steps. * sending many positive thoughts your way* Link to post Share on other sites
overseas2004 Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Just as I said though. the books are great... but dont start to think that if you had acted how they suggest that you may have saved your marriage. Your husband was the problem not you. And also reading these books may help a bit but they also keep her focused on all the stuff she had to suffer through. It is better for her to go out and have a good time. At least that is my personal take on it. Keep tough girl... you know I am in your corner.... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts