M30USA Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 It's unreal how much my STBXW tries to bully me. She not only believes our children are hers and that my role as a father doesn't matter, but acts as if she is entitled to everything in the world. I truly question if ever once in her life she has attempted (succesfully or unsuccesfully) to see the world through anyone else's eyes but her own. How do you deal with women like this? Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Polite disinterest. Focus on the kids. Make sure that they know you still love them and that no matter what, you'll always be there for them. Don't let any of your bitterness about their mother infect them - let them make up their own minds regarding your STBXW's behaviour. You are responsible for your own behaviour and she is responsible for her own behaviour. Don't let them be go-betweens when it comes to communication. Ignore any contact from her that does not concern the kids. Don't let her manipulate you via the kids, whether emotionally or financially. Stick to what is/was agreed in court. Until your kids are 18, it's going to be touch and go. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted August 8, 2012 Author Share Posted August 8, 2012 Polite disinterest. Focus on the kids. Make sure that they know you still love them and that no matter what, you'll always be there for them. Don't let any of your bitterness about their mother infect them - let them make up their own minds regarding your STBXW's behaviour. You are responsible for your own behaviour and she is responsible for her own behaviour. Don't let them be go-betweens when it comes to communication. Ignore any contact from her that does not concern the kids. Don't let her manipulate you via the kids, whether emotionally or financially. Stick to what is/was agreed in court. Until your kids are 18, it's going to be touch and go. Thank you. That helped me very much. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 You continue to look for a heart-felt apology M30 and you are putting that ahead of your kids. Focus...I think January's advice was very spot-on. As long as you continue to focus on that apology, you are going to continue to let anger consume you. That does not bode well for your well-being or your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted August 8, 2012 Author Share Posted August 8, 2012 (edited) You continue to look for a heart-felt apology M30 and you are putting that ahead of your kids. Focus...I think January's advice was very spot-on. As long as you continue to focus on that apology, you are going to continue to let anger consume you. That does not bode well for your well-being or your kids. You are right. I'm trying to just get past it and let bygones be bygones. Right now we are in a custody case, so it's even more complicated. I am focusing so much on the kids right now. It's just so hard to overcome the bias against fathers these days. I have been accused of child abuse in court. Fortunately the judge gave me exactly 50-50 custody for temporary orders anyway. These kids need me so much. I'm the stabilizing parent in their life. They need me so much. But my STBXW acts like I'm expendable to them. Her coparenting skills are awful and she insists on bullying her way in all things. Unfortunately people like this do well in family court. It's the good parents who don't play the system that get messed up. Edited August 8, 2012 by M30USA Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 How are your kids dealing with this? The back and forth between houses? Don't ever say a negative word about your ex to your kids..Just don't go there. (Not that you're going to, but just in case..) I suggest family counselling. Maybe mention this to your lawyer to be brought up in court. ALL of you go as a family and even suggest you and your exW go without the kids too, to learn how to co parent together. Let the counsellor see your ex's dynamic and how she is. As for dealing with her..Don't react, ignore. only focus on the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Blueflames Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I have to ask, what made you think having children with a mentally ill woman was a good idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted August 12, 2012 Author Share Posted August 12, 2012 I have to ask, what made you think having children with a mentally ill woman was a good idea? As they say, you don't really know someone until you live with them a while. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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