xmen2 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I am 32 she is 35, we got married 6 years ago. We have a 5 year old daughter who we both love very much. Problem is since daughter was a year old we have drifted apart. There are many things I don't like about her but does nothing to improve them. Example: she doesn't work and is full time house wife but she is lazy, does not cook or clean, doesn't look after herself. If I tell her I don't like to come back to a messy house, she doesn't give a damn. She doesn't want to work cause says she wants to look after our daughter. I always looked after her. Give her the best of all I can afford but her bitter attitude towards me, talking rudely front of my friends, disagreeing to anything I say, has put me off comPletely. We haven't had sex for 3 years now. Because I loved my daughter and couldn't not imagine putting her thru divorce scenario I thought I will stick around this relationship till she is older. Since I was anyway planning to Stick around we decided to have another baby, for some reason I thought if we get divorced in future it will be easier for our daughter to cope when she has a sibling. Now my wife delivered a baby girl who is 3 months older. While she was away for 6 months to her parents house to deliver I met someone and fell totally in love. In past 3 months the love and affection I have expirenced that I haven't had in all my life. I spoke to wife about divorce and funnily she thinks there is nothing wrong in our relationship. She thinks all couple have prOblems. But our relationship is so empty and we haven't even kissed for over 3 years. Now she is blaming me that I have changed and making things up but according to her everything is normal. I just need to know will it be unfair to have divorce while our new baby is just 3 months old. Shall I just put up with it till she is atleast 3 years old so we get to bond. Stressed and confused. In Short I love my kids more then anything and in someway ready to put up with loveless sexless relationship all my life if I get to see them everyday. I don't want them to turn out like their mum. *Confused* B Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet memories Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 We haven't had sex for 3 years now. Now my wife delivered a baby girl who is 3 months older. B You haven't sex with your wife in 3 years but your wife just had a baby girl?...hmmm Link to post Share on other sites
Author xmen2 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 You missed this part "Since I was anyway planning to Stick around we decided to have another baby, for some reason I thought if we get divorced in future it will be easier for our daughter to cope when she has a sibling" Link to post Share on other sites
Krystalklear Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 If you have a 3 month old baby, you have had sex in 3 years right? If you have a 3 month old and no sex in 3 years then the baby does not have to be your concern. Moving on, sounds to me that the first thing that needs to happen is communication. She seems to think everything is fine and you are miserable. Children do not always do better with parents in the same house. You could be sending the wrong message to your daughter if her parents do not have a relationship. Stepping out of a relationship before you have ended the one you are in, is never a good idea. It is easy to be madly in love with someone you do not live with and share a life with. That is imaginary. If you can love someone with the realities of life involved, then you have something. Consider the character of the person you are dating who is involved with a married man? It's easy to think you are in love when its new and you have the excitement of cheating. Talk to your wife first, Get counseling, Have a real conversation where you both REALLY understand what the other one is saying and feeling. Stay calm. If you are going to end this relationship, end it correctly. Don't start something new before you finish the existing. Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Were you in love with your wife before you married her? In other words, did you have the same feeling for your wife as you do now for your new lady? It sounds as if your wife is hard to get along with, and doesn't do her fair share of household chores, etc. I can't really blame you for looking elsewhere. I would make a decision within six months or so, whether or not to stay and work things out with your wife or move on with your new girlfriend or start again solo. It's hanging on for years, with no decision being made, which can be very draining for all parties involved. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowpirate Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 PUNT PUNT PUNT!!!! Im speaking from 15 wasted years of experience I love my kids as well but having them grow up in a loveless relationship isnt fair to either you or them. I learned the hard way. You deserve to have love in your life so does your spouse and your kids need to see that. if its not working between you two pretending only prolongs the agony. In short you cant make chicken salad out of chicken ****. if its not there dont pretend, once your kids get older it gets harder for them to understand and accept Link to post Share on other sites
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