An unavoidable hurt from the loss of love and friendship

[Lil1]

My ex moved his belongings out of my apartment today. We hadn't seen each other since last Oct. since he moved to OR. He looked so handsome. He was tanned, had lost a good amount of weight, and gotten nice muscles. He looked happier and healthier, and I'm genuinely happy for him. Despite the fact that I am over him, the whole experience of separation was very sad. I wanted to speak with him and have some sort of closure or discussion about the end of us, but I found myself barely able to maintain eye contact for very long before wanting to cry. I just felt and still feel so sad about the end, or essentially, the loss of what was once a fun and loving relationship. I kept thinking about how this was the last time we would ever see each other unless we randomly run into each other sometime in the future.

 

I helped him move a few things and when he was making his last trip we said goodbye in my doorway. He apologized to me for the way we ended and said I could call him anytime if I need any sort of help. We hugged and that's when I wasn't able to control my sadness for it all and I regretfully shed some tears. I said very little, just that I was sorry too and I wished him good luck. I don't know if he will interpret my tears as me still wanting him. They were not, and I know we are not right for each other. I was just very saddened by the experience of our separation, the loss of love and friendship. I think that breakups must be one of the saddest experiences we all go through in life.

 

I am starting to feel more at ease and relaxed now knowing that I can really move on without any need for further contact. We can both do this as we have grown so far apart from how we once felt about each other. I realize however, that I need more time for myself and do not want another relationship for now. I thought I was ready to move on but I see now that I'm not ready for serious love again, partly because the hurt from the loss of a close relationship is still very recent. Things are final now, and that is how it must be. I'm ready to move on with my life:) I will feel better soon I'm sure, but I'm gonna definitely take time for myself for a while!