Emotions, emotions

[What_Next]

Well, most of the regular LS members are familiar with my situation, heck I've been an open book for several months now. That being said most know that my wife and I are thus far reconciling.

 

I wish I could say that my emotions are in balance, well they are far from it. I find myself one day being thankful for the second chance, then swinging back to being angry for what "she" put me through. Then the next day I beat myself up for being part of the cause of what brought us here.

 

I also am having a VERY hard time putting away the dis-trust of her. We've not actually dealt with some of the issues that will help this as the timing isn't right, but still they are there.

 

I try my best to mitigate these feelings and I do try and keep them in check and only let on as I see fit. However, most days I do have to admit that I openly wonder about our real chance of making it.

 

Who has reconciled from being "on the edge" and how have you dealt with the range of emotions?

[tojaz]

W_N I'm sure the emotions raging along is normal, as are your concerns and doubts. As you know I did not reconcile, but I still have the swings from time to time. Somedays I feel betrayed and hurt, other days I'm glad shes gone and hate her for what she has become, and yes I blame myself sometimes.

 

I think whats gnawing at you more then anything else is the questions you have that have not been answered. I would say you need to prepare yourself for any eventuality by deciding what you can accept and what you cant. Prepares yourself in case the answers are not as you like.

 

I'm one that marriage CAN survive and move past many things, including the unforgivable, but both partners need to believe that and be understanding of the effects on the other. The only way your recon can last the test of time is if you are able to forgive (not going to say forget) and leave those issues in the past once they have been dealt with. A recon is not your old marriage renewed, but a new marriage on a better foundation.

 

(Donning fireproof underwear..... blast away Chrome et. al.)

 

TOJAZ

[What_Next]

Tojaz, you are definitely right. I also believe a lot of what went on in our marriage and even in my life was as a result of unanswered questions.

 

That will have to change. I feel as though that will be the defining factor in the long term success or failure of my marriage.

 

I also agree that a reconciled marriage is a new lease on marriage.

 

Forgiving for me is relatively easy, I've always been able to forgive those around me, forgetting, well that's a whole other kettle of fish.

[tojaz]

This isn't anything someone forgets, no matter how much they'd like to. Going through this changes you and it changes your relationship. As for the unanswered questions, it is no coincidence that people here say that communication is key.

 

TOJAZ

[What_Next]

I think overall I need to get hold of my emotions and keep them in check. This is all brand new for me. I grew up and was taught emotions should be supressed and ignored.

 

In fact most of my adult life I've had few emotions besides supressed rage. A bad thing, a very bad thing.

 

The events of the past few months have taught me that I need to reach into my silly head and deal with my emotions, sometimes the appropriate response is to jam them back where they came from, sometimes the appropriate respsonse is to act upon them.

 

I'm learning as I go.

 

Now, can I go back to being the equivalent of an emotional 10 year old? It was so much simpler