Just curious, money and divorce?

[SummerLady]

I was just thinking, who all here thinks Money and Poor Finances played a Major part or a Big role in getting a divorce. I don't see many posts about this here. I know it played a small part in getting my divorce, not the first and main reason but def a small part. He was horrible with money and spent more than he made constantly. He lived like he was going to die tomorrow and we fought about it but again that was not the main reason I divorced him. I could see why someone would get divorced over this though.

[2sure]

Money and finances are, I think, the number one thing couples argue about. So, I'm sure it is often a factor in divorce. If not the main one , it is certainly a big enough issue that a problem with money can undermine other parts of a relationship, family, etc.

 

On the other hand, you will read on this board that the majority of married people having an affair say the reason they DON'T divorce is money.

[worldgirl]

I would say money plays the most prominent role in negotiations after the breakdown. In December my husband of 28 years suddenly deserted me with no previous known problems, and moved abroad. Since then he has fought tooth and nail to have two-thirds of our (very limited) assets. I think it's chilling, after you part, to see that a previously loving spouse is trying to grind you into the dirt, doesn't care if you become homeless, and in case thinks his girlfriend of eight months is entitled to full support by him, so he can't give me more!

 

Mind you, he had always bought endless luxuries for himself, even in early retirement, which is why he does not have more. Ultimately I think that money is a form of power - who has more tends to be controlling, and the division of it reflects the care and consideration spouses have for each other.

[Butterflair]

Money is definitely an issue and not always as you might think. In my marriage I was the one with the money. It was family money due to investment property that was gifted to me and my children. We each get an income from it every month. It's not EARNED income and that's the sticky point, since we don't work for it. Husband got resentful of me and my kids because of this money even though he wanted for nothing. He got his car, his tractors, his trips and anything else he wanted. He worked 3 days a week for spending money. He traveled and ate at good restaurants.

 

I kept trying to save money and he would think of something else to spend it on. I drew the line when he wanted money to spend on his "friend". He started identifying with her as "poor" and labeling things as "us against them".

 

Yes, whoever has the money does have power but it doesn't come without some guilt. He wanted spousal support, I said no. He chose to have a relationship with a girl half his age who used to date my son. He chose to lie about everything to me and his children. He chose to have her move in with him the day after he left my house. So no, I'm not paying him for that. I did however pay off the house he lives in, pay off his last tractor and gave him a cash settlement so he left here debt free, with a home, 2 cars, several tractors, a barn, some land and all his weight equipment and toys. Oh, and and skank he lives with.

 

He didn't hire a lawyer and he told me to sign whatever papers I drew up so I did and he did. Had he gone the long route to ask for money he would have found out that adultery takes alimony off the table and he would have ended up with a whole lot less. I do feel bad that he has to work harder and has no money to spend like he was used to doing but ... hey, he made choices. *shrug*

[SummerLady]

well, some people have an obsession about spending money and they do it faster than they earn it back, the problem is that if it becomes too much and the money is being spend on things that are totally unnecessary and irrelevant, then it can cause a problem and lead to seperation and divorce too, however in many cases it can be controlled if the other partner has sense enough to control it and prevent breaking up of a relationship, however, things vary, not two people or relationships are same!!

 

My ex is really a Jackazz. Since he pays child support, its forced budget and he does not budget. He doesn't know what the word budget means and he makes pretty good money. All of the child support goes to the kids, all of it...I didn't even get the state amount allowed as I wanted him to have some extra money to get on with his life, instead of saying thanks for me agreeing to less he complains and complains. So guess what when this child support is up I will put in for the max standard...Such an idiot. Some people don't know when they have it good..If he has problems with this support wait till he pays more, joke is on him.......loser