whyme Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 this is my first post but about 2 weeks ago me and hubby talked because i told him i cant handle the way our relationship has been going. i mean we dont say nothing to each other anymore except cussing!! or yelling. it is always about money, bills or just something crazy. we have been married 4 years on the 18th of this month and it has been hard, we have been through alot together. i mean we have no children but we have been a navy family and we are still young, he is 23 and i am 25 but we married young too. we dont go out to clubs and all that but it is like we pick at each other for nothing. it is money with him for me and i get going on him because of how damn immature he acts. but i love him very much and i know there is a big place in his heart that i fill i have been his only and best friend thru it all with the navy but i think i have turned him against me by the way i talk to him. but you know it isl ike everything he says, he wants me to do. like if he says something i already had made plans for us to do, he says there you go doing the same ****.......not listening.he is very controlling. but then i cant see myself without him because last year i was diagnosed with panic disorder and he is my security..he is the one who gets through all them with me. you know , that sounds horrible but i dont want to be without it? i dontk now what to do. we have never done marriage counseling........has anyone here.....or does it really help? thanks for any advice on that....and do new married couples have troubles...? Link to post Share on other sites
uptownb0y Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 Ok, I'm going thru troubles myself so I don't have much room to talk on this one. But you should definitely consider counseling. If a controlling person is "your security" then it is a good idea to try and overcome that. It isn't healthy in my opinion. You need to be independent and be allowed -- and able -- to make decisions on your own. The therapist which I've been seeing (along with my wife) says that it's really important for a couple to have nights where she goes out with girlfriends, or he goes out with guy friends. If he isn't being considerate of your needs, and doesn't let you make some of the decisions... then you will have to fight for those rights. It will be really hard at first... but freedom is really important. Link to post Share on other sites
serena Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 I just wanted to say that I can relate to you. My husband and I don't have any children either and all we do is argue and yell at each other anymore. We are a couple years older than you and your husband. I feel my husband is immature. He refuses to go to counseling, so I am just going without him. He, too, is my security. He has been my best friend and he is really almost all I have, in a way, that is why I am scared to leave and be out on my own. As for your situation, I recommend you go to counseling, and if he won't go with you, just go on your own. I think that I really have lost a lot of my self confidence over the years, and I don't know if you feel the same way, too. I want to have children, yet I also want a solid marriage before that. My situation has been going on for a long time-I am not sure how long yours has. Please talk to someone about your problems and get advice from a third party; I believe it will really help you. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 perhaps you can (together) read some relationship books at night before going to bed. I like "If the Buddha Married". But there are many really good books. Try just reading a few pages a night to each other. It at least will break this chain of events that is happening. It would help to break out of the bickering cycle.... Stop, that isn't fun. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetpea Posted July 10, 2003 Share Posted July 10, 2003 I just wanted to let you know that my husband and I are having the same problems as you and your husband. We are going on 4 years as well, however, we have a child. It is difficult being in a relationship with somone who feels that he is always right and can never see the good in anything. I quit school so that I could have the baby and so that my husband could finish college along with his football career. I gave up my whole life to have one with him, at the time it felt right. After about 2 years I could see things beginning to change at this point he graduated college and it was my turn to finish. However, my husband now doesn't see it that way, he feels that I'm playing around and should have a job. I worked the whole time he was in school while he only worked the summer time. We argue about everything mainly money issues, house duties, etc....... I do a good job cleaning the house, dishes, clothes, mowing the yard etc...I do everything I'm supposed to do, however, if ONE day I don't feel good or don't do the dishes he starts his **** about how I never do anything around the house and he thinks I need to move out. He tells me to pack my stuff and be gone before he gets home. He knows I'm in school and taking care of our daughter and that I don't have any money but he doesn't care. I get really hurt by hearing his say these words to me. I just wish I could ignore them or make him happy. I'm trying to finish up school so that I can possible get a good job and be ready to support myself and daughter incase he pulls this stuff down the road. I'm not sure what I need to do until then. If anyone has any ideas please let me know......counseling is out of the question for him. Link to post Share on other sites
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