She left 2 weeks ago saying she needed space and that she had been hurt too much to

[Gunny376]

She left 2 weeks ago saying she needed space and that she had been hurt too much to ever get any intimacy back.

 

PLEASE explain this to me as though I was four years old?

 

Because I really would like to know!

 

I mean I want it spelled out to me!

 

1.2.3.

 

A.b.c.

[Biggie25x]

I don't know Gunny. I had those words told to me just about 2 weeks ago myself and am still trying to figure them out. Based on what I've read and talked about with others my guess is they mean they just aren't interested in trying anymore. That someone doesn't think anything can change in the relationship and that they aren't happy so it's best to end it now.

 

Fundamentally, I think there is either someone else in the picture and that's why they don't think they ever be back with you or they just don't know what it takes to make a marriage work long term.

 

When people have different expectations, even two good people, they can conflict on outcomes. Sometimes, one person, or both, have lived life so long on their own terms they can't make it work in a relationship as close as a marriage. They are used to thinking only of themselves and their happiness. When the tough times come they have no idea how to work through it. It takes hard work and compassion/empathy for someone else to recover a marriage that has gotten to this point.

 

Look back and think about the person telling you those words. Have their past actions told a story of them taking the easy route, not willing to put the hard work in to overcome adversity or them taking the hard route, working through issues to pursue an objective. I think when you think about it you see someone who constantly takes the easy route.

 

I know the time I've spent since my wife told me that has lead to some ability to look at our relationship a little more rationally. I realize that she's always taken the easy route. She had people do her homework for her growing up, growing up she's join a sorts team and if she didn't like it she's quit even though she made a commitment to play that season. She got demoted twice at her job (two management positions) because she wouldn't fight for her job. She thought that people just shouldn't have to argue or treat people like people were treating her in the job (she was being back stabbed by her employees to her boss). I say she just was too lazy to put forth the effort to put her side of the story out so other people didn't define her. She never wanted to learn anything new, even about her own interest (like quilting or any type of exercise) because it took to much work and was too hard.

 

Looking back is it any wonder she quit our marriage when it got rough?

 

Hell, that's the best I got. Give me a few months and I might have a different idea and I have no idea if I'm right or not.

[Konfuzion]

When a woman tells you "she had been hurt too much to ever get any intimacy back" game over from what I have seen. Best of luck to you.

[LucreziaBorgia]

She left 2 weeks ago saying she needed space and that she had been hurt too much to ever get any intimacy back.

 

translates roughly to:

 

I don't feel intimacy with you.

 

Space, regardless of explanation = the soft breakup, worded in such a way that you will feel like you don't have the right to be mad or upset. It makes her blameless and will make you look like a boorish ass if you react negatively to her "needs".

 

The whole 'hurt too much' thing is just part and parcel. Regardless of how hurt a person may have been, when they fall in love and I mean really in love or lust all that 'hurt' goes out the window. Funny how there doesn't seem to be 'hurt' issues at the beginning that cuts you off at the pass. Only at the end when they are saying it over their shoulder as they walk away.

 

If 'hurt' was the big of an issue for her, you wouldn't have been with her at all.