sleeplessnights77 Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 I finally talked myself into doing a forum. I am so scared about all of this. Here goes my story. I have been married for almost 12 years. I have four wonderful children now. I have a beautiful wife that I adore with all my life. I am in the military and I came home after 3 months on a 10 day leave. When I got here, my wife told me she did not love me anymore. I have always been a strong man. When she told me so and stated she wanted to leave me, it broke me down. I honestly don’t know what to do. I go back to work in 5 days in which I will leave the state again for another couple of months. She actually left 3 days ago because she needed some space to think. When I get back, the plan is for her to go live with her brother in another state for a year and I keep the kids. The issue with all this, I love her dearly. She has been my support through out my military career. She tells me she is tired because she is always at home. I told her I will go to marriage counseling and she says no. I promised to give her anything she wanted, she says no. I don’t know what to do. Our kids are 4, 7, 9 and 11. This command I am coming to will not deploy for 3 years and I do not know what to do. I am sorry for the rambling but this is the worst time of my life. My family tells me to be strong. I try to. I just can’t help thinking about my wife. Although she says she does not care and she says she longer loves me, she did tell me she loves me but not like a wife. I just have a weird feeling she loves me a lot, but she wants to live a life without worries. She would I always compare me being able to leave because of work. Please help me out. Link to post Share on other sites
Keridan Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 I'm so sorry! That would crush me just like it is you. I don't really even know what to say to a story like that, which I think is why there haven't been responses yet. No wonder you are upset. Honestly, I wish I had some words that would help. I wish I could tell you how to get her back. It sounds like her mind is made up, however. Please get some counseling for yourself and right away. You can't go through this on your own. I know the military has someone there and this happens from time to time when you make a career of it. Maybe they know what has helped other men in similar situations. Don't be alone when you are going through this. You have 4 kids and I'm sure a lot of friends. Try not to wallow. It does make it worse if you focus on nothing else. I'm sorry again! I really hope things get better for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleeplessnights77 Posted July 20, 2008 Author Share Posted July 20, 2008 I have been thinking about going to counseling. I will have to do that when I get back to my command. I just don't have time here. I actually have a huge family and I do have a lot of friends. I just never thought this would happen to me. Thank you for the advice Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 OP, a couple things... Did I understand correctly that you are now home from deployment and that your new command will not be deployed for another 3 years, meaning you'll be stateside for awhile, right? Do you think she met someone else? Prior to the last 3 month stint, how were things at home? We have some active duty and retired military members here who can likely see things very clearly from your perspective, since they've been through it. Hope they look in. I believe the military has counseling available to you, as well as legal help if you end up with a walkaway wife. Hope you two can work things out. Hug the kids Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 What's communication like? Have you spoken to her about the issues that are causing her to leave? I'd suggest taking steps to improve your communication. That should immediately help. Definitely, go for the counseling. As far as the deployments, those can not be helped. That's our business, however there are ways of mitigating her feelings while deployed. You should ask yourself some serious questions about how you have contributed to the situation. What do you have control of and what is out of your control. Best of luck and best wishes. If she has feelings for you, even if it's not romantic love, there is hope. Just try and be understanding and strong and loving. It will be rough, but I think you can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucindab Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Hi sleeplessnights77, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I stumbled across your post and had to reply because I was going through a similar situation. I agree with TrustInYourself that you should first think about how you have contributed to the situation, but at this point it's difficult to get through to your wife or make her believe that things can be different. One thing that helped me is a report by a man named Larry Bilotta. It shows you how to meet the needs of your spouse by identifying the needs that all men and women need. BTW these are specific things...(like men need respect and women need emotional security)...not general things like women need to talk or anything like that.) This guy doesn't charge for the report, so IMHO it's worth it to give it a read. You can download the report here. I hope this helps! Hang in there. And if there's anything I learned from my situation, it's DON'T beg your spouse to stay, just give her the space she needs and work on yourself. (As in, stop doing the things you think might have contributed to your situation.) Best of luck to you. Lucinda Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts