new-me-n-08 Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Hi, I hope ya'll can help me understand. Here's my story: My husband and I got married when we were 19, now 25 years old. My husband and I married a week before he was shipped of to Iraq. I stood by him, sent him care packages, cried myself to sleep, prayed for his safe return. Never cheated on him and waited 15 months for him to return. Everything was fine until he said that he wasn't "in love" with me anymore. He left, came back, and we got together. Then a year later he was acting strange so I find out that he was on adult friend finder, stated that he was single, emailing women trying to set up "sex" meetings with them, and he even posted his private parts on the website. He left again saying that he didnt love me anymore, he came back, and I took him back again...(Yeah...I know, why) because I believe in my marriage vows and I wanted my marriage to work. I wasnt perfect, but I didnt cheat on him, and I asked him to talked to me but he never did, you know about Iraq and everything. I mean there were things I could have worked on, but I loved him with all my heart, and still do. Then a year later its my last semester in college, he got a military job in Nebraska and I was suppose to move with him once school was over, he called me on the phone and said that he wasnt in love with me anymore and that he wanted a divorce over the phone. He said that he didnt want to be married anymore, it had nothing to do with me, he just wants to date and see other women. It hurts so bad, even after a year later. His family, his parents love me like I'm their daughter and their deeply hurt about this. Everybody says that he is making a mistake, he's isolated himself from his family and he acts like he doesn't care. What do i do? I can i finally let him go? Its not fair that he left me with all of the responsbilities and I'm left with the bills. Why do people have to be so selfish?? please anyone share your story and give me some advice on this. I still love him and I want our marriage to work, but I file for divorce because he wants it. Once again, its me doing everything and he does nothing. I was ther for him when he was in Iraq, then when I needed him, he just left. Link to post Share on other sites
milena35 Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Why are you filing for divorce if he is the one that wants it? Let him file, don't do his dirty work let hiim do it and let him spend the money. You are already stuck with the bills why are you getting yourself in more debt. Listen, I work for a Family Judge believe me just get separated which you have been already and go on with life. Be strong and if you believe in praying please do it. It sounds like this guy has you around his finger, I am going through same situation with my spouse not being in love but we are talking about reconciliation and if it happens we will start counseling again. FAlling in love is a choice, you can always work on that. Sounds like he does not even know what he wants. Hang in there. Keep me posted Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Let him go. Whatever his truth is, you're not a part of it anymore. It isn't fair, but rarely are relationship/marriage breakups. Due to your particular circumstances, you might inquire whether the military offers counseling for spouses of active-duty service personnel. I think counseling would help you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author new-me-n-08 Posted April 5, 2008 Author Share Posted April 5, 2008 I did it because I'm just tired of feeling this way. He just left me with all the bills while he's living the "good life" doing online profiles. I guess I just wanted to give him what he wanted. He is paying half of it because I pretty much put my foot down and I said if you want it so bad, you're going to help me pay or for it. But praying does help, I'm in the process of trying to find a good church home. The problem is I'm not putting my full trust in GOD because I didn't understand why all this happen to me. I have to trust him and believe in what he is doing. He knows whats best for me. I will keep you posted. Thanks for your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
milena35 Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Please join this website I did about a month ago and let me tell you I felt that I got so close to god and I started to feel more trusted that its all up to god what happens. I have changed and I know my husband already sees the change in me and I know for a fact that god already started to work on my husband also. You will meet a lot of people that can see your story and they will be supporting you through this pain, including me. God Bless, Milena Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 maybe something over iraq screwed his head up! has he been checked? just sounds like some funny things going on, and could be war zone stress related. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I wondered the same thing Mark. Something is wrong here and he's reverted backwards. Everything was fine before he left. Now, he seems immature and wants what he wants, screw the fact that he is married. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I wouldn't be so quick to divorce, nor to pursue the divorce petition just yet? I'm assuming that he's still active duty when you say he took a military job, that is to say ~ he didn't get out and take a in kind civilian position with the military with the 'DOD,(Dept of Defense) or with a military contractor? That being the case? Per DOD regulations, the military doesn't recognize legal seperations even if you've got legal documents? Either you are married or your not? Thus he is obligated to support his dependents (per DOD regulations) with up to 80% of his base pay, which isn't going to leave him a whole lot of money to be chasing any tale with? Maybe enough to make a car payment and insurance, provided he lives in the barracks and eats in the messhall? That should get a ConGrit (Congressional Investigation) started against his commanding officer and him? To which they have to respond to within five working days? That usually results in an involuntary allotment being made against him in some amount somewhere between 50 to as much as 80% of his base pay? At which time he will forever grateful that if nothing else? If your in the military? You can always count on three hots and a cot? AS FOR THE WHY? "D" ANSWER? "All of the above" Could be Post Traumatic Stress Syndrone Could be him seeing how much less stressful his un-married buddies had it compared to his married buddies? Could be he got over there and he realized how short life really is ~ and how much living he hasn't done? Could be someone else he meet while over there? (My bet, whose now in Nebraska) Could be? He's just inmature and not ready for marriage? Takes two to make it! But, only one to break it! I've been divorced 18 years ~ and still to this day? Don't have the answer to "Why"? I'd take my sweet time getting the divorce ~ using it to get my Life straightened out and on the straight and narrow? He wants his freedom? Fine? But as they say in the military? Freedom isn't Free! Link to post Share on other sites
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