anna13 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 my husband called me tonight , I was like yea ! he misses me , turns out he just needed his schedual for work tomoro. . that sucks. he left about a week ago , we had a good talk earlier today it seemed positive , I missed his call yesterday and he called today and stayed on the phone with me a little while for no real reason , I didnt complain though. but i let him talk to his son and after I thought he would just say goodbye but instead he just chatted with me for a bit about his work and how he feels stress. I didnt push him at all meaning i didnt ask when he was calling again or anything like that . I am proud of myself. but this second call tonight that was a bit tougheer but i did ok . the phonecall was brief and just about his schedual afterward i felt empty but i did not call him back or anything like that. I'm proud of myself but unhappy . does that make sence? anyway. . I am still hoping for the best but I am following everyone's advice to give him space , no calls , no pleading , no I love you do you love me anymore. I am pretty much letting him call me when he wants to right now. it isnt easy though. I have the book "relationship rerscue "and "divorce busting" they help me along with all of you to try to controll the desperate emotions i have time to time . I hope that if I give him the space he needs he will eventually discuss what he wants to really happen with our relationship. he has told me a few times he needs space , no divorce right now. but I really dont know where he stands. I am stuck in between preparing for the worst ( divorce) and being optomistic that in time our relationship will heal . I hate limbo. Link to post Share on other sites
KieraM Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 Yes, you should be proud of how you handled the whole phone thing! Phone calls are the worst! You're being so strong and rational throughout this whole thing! You're taking action and dealing with it head on. Not only that, you started right away! Reading about how you're doing (your updates) is actually the influence that made me decide to go get my life back! This terrible limbo that you're stuck in is where I actually went and put myself! Silly me. It's been 3 months and I just realized that Keep up what you're doing. You're actions are exactly the right ones! And you're doing an amazing job of it. I got you! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 OoooRaaah! You can't control him nor his actions, nor influence his decisions, but you can be proactive in your life, and be in control of your life, and in control of yourself. You can learn, and grow from the experience, and good things can come of all this. It will make you a better person, and most definately a stronger person, and most of a better and stronger parent for the experience. You can choose not to react to his words and deeds. You can choose not to be dependent upon what he decides or decides not to do. You can choose to be in control of your life, of yourself. He wheather he stays or goes does not determine the sum total of your self worth as a person nor as a woman, nor as a human being. If he chooses to leave for good, the lost is his not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
brokenhearted29 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 Hi anna, that is great. You seem to be hanging on okay. Let me tell you some days are harder then others. For instance I have felt really strong lately untill today. I cried for the first time since 1 month ago. I think what makes it so hard for me is that I practicaly see my husband or talk to him everyday. I want to hear from him but at the same time I dont. I dont want to think where is he at or who is he with. I dont think I told you but I beleive that my husband is having a affair. He will not admit it to me but he is never home with me. I'm trying to give it time and not jump to conclusions but thats the hardest part. Like right now I want to write him a letter and express to him how I am feeling, but I'm not sure if that is the answer. Most of the time he will read the letter but will not respond to it. I know that he doesnt want to lose me but how much longer can we live like this. I'm sorry I keep going about my situation. I think you are handling it well. I know it is hard but keep your head up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anna13 Posted October 7, 2006 Author Share Posted October 7, 2006 yes , it is definitly hard for me , and I am trying my best to be rational but I am flying on hope right now and that is a scary thing. but I know that giving him space is the best option. I am afraid , I am stressed , and i feel so alone but I am hanging in there. knowing that I might have a chance of saving my marriage, and the fact that I have a place like this to come to for guidance and understanding. It's good that we all tell each other the pain we feel and go through. who is going to understand this situation other than others who are going through it or have been through it. I know i must sound good but i tell you somedays I feel like curling up like a ball .. but i still wont call him . Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 The person that cares the least, is the one that controls the relationship ~ that's not you. Sooooooooo, you've got to fake it until you make it or at least give the apperance of same. Just stick to it, it may work and it may not. There aren't any guaranttes. But hopefully, it'll start working on him, and he'll start thinking: "Why hasn't she called me?" "Why isn't she worried about me?" "What has she been doing?" "What is she doing? "And who is she doing it with?" :eek: :eek: Pyschologically people instintively want what they can't have, and what everyone else wants. The point of "tha' list" is to make yourself more attractive. (I know you're not letting yourself go, and working at making yourself more attractive with each and every passing day, working on improving yourself mentally, emotionally, pyschologically, mentally, physically etc.) You want to create in his mind ~ that he's got the demand, and you've got the supply ~ and that which you have the supply of is in damn short supply ~ but very much in demand (that is to say a damn good woman) Quit jumping to answer the phone. Let it ring a couple of times, keep it short when you do answer, and let it go to the answering machine every now again, and call back at your convience ~ not his. The point being is that "Hey! I've got a life, and my world doesn't turn around you and your wants and needs!" (Again building "value" in yourself in that by your actions and deeds ~ not words ~ "Hey! If you don't want me, someone else will! A good woman, which I am are in damn short supply!" (Which is true ~ a good woman or man is like finding a good job ~ what good one's there are tend to be already taken, the folks that have them are inclined to hang onto them, they had them for a good while, plan on keeping them, and you're going to have to fight them, if not damn near kill them to get them away from them! Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Brokenhearted, go ahead and write the letter. And when your done, read it, re-read it, then throw it away, burn it, rip it up....... but do not under any circumstances give it to him. Link to post Share on other sites
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