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Ex is in an abusive relationship, what to do?

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Old 6th September 2005, 11:25 PM   #1
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Ex is in an abusive relationship, what to do?

What do I do!

My ex-girlfriend is in an abusive relationship. They both fight alot and I'm pretty sure they are both abusive to each other, but her boyfriend being the more abusive. My ex called last Thurs. late night crying wanting me to come get her from her boyfriends house, then her boyfriend grabs the phone away from her, curses me while my ex is screaming then hangs up. I try to call back 10 min. later and get no answer. I try to call on Fri. all day and get no answer, so I get someone who knows them both to go check up on her at their house and she is fine.

So today she finally calls crying and leaves me a message. I call her back and she wants me to come meet and talk to her at school. So I meet up w/her and right away she shows me her bruises from her fight and I tell her she is in a physically abusive relationship and that this guy is a loser, and deep down I know she realizes it, but is still kind of quietly defensive at the same time.

I told her I was upset because she didn't call me back when all I wanted to do was check up on her. She said her boyfriend didn't like her talking to me or her other friends so that is why she didn't call, and that he quit his job and he is always around. I did nothing to this guy for him to hate me.

I told her that her relationship is abusive, that she should know better and is old enough to make good decisions for herself. I don't think she wanted me for advice, if fact I don't know why she wanted me to meet her at all when she could have told me over the phone she was fine, it seemed pretty pointless to meet her, except to see her bruises. Oh, and I also told her it was bullshyt for her to not call me back to let me know she was okay.

So what should I do, what else should I say to her? Should I leave it alone and just be there for her when she needs? Should I stop talking to her so she will think about things (like loosing her friends) because she lets her boyfriend control who she talks to and maybe she will actually realize he is too controlling?

What would you do if it was your ex whom you still love and care about?
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Old 6th September 2005, 11:46 PM   #2
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Call a local domestic violence center in your area and ask to come in to talk with someone. They'll have some good information for you.

Think about safety for yourself. You too are in danger and no one can say what will happen in situations like this. Your ex's abuser could come to your house, stalk you and/or anything else you can literally imagine. This is no joke, please take it seriously and plan for your safety. The chances of you and/or your ex being attacked and even killed has increased already.

A lot of domestic violence centers have lethality scales that they use to predict the lethality of a domestic violence situation ask if they have one.

Here are some links for you to peruse.
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