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How to redeem myself


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Old 26th January 2019, 11:28 AM   #1
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How to redeem myself

So I wanted to create a new thread because on my original post which you can see in the dating thread. I am getting slammed pretty hard and rightfully so.

Long story short I met a really awesome guy a week and a half ago. And pretty much ruined things. We had hung out 4 times, made plans to hang out over the weekend. Only for him to tell me he had been sick, and then tells me instead of committing to our plans he’s going to go to Vegas with some coworkers. He told me late Thursday or plans were for Friday. I freaked out ( I think it could’ve been a lot worse I didn’t cuss, name call, or tell ). You can just sense my frustration. He felt like we were moving too fast and that I should’ve been like cool have a good time. Which he is right I should’ve responded that way because I’m not his girlfriend. He told me he needed time to think and process things, and have this weekend to do that.

Everything was great up to this point. And it just sucks that one instance messed up everything.

We talked on skype for business his company and my company use it. We talk on that mainly throughut the day and time I’ve known him. I was having a hard week last week and wasn’t being myself. And my actions have ruined everything. I messed him a light hearted have fun in Vegas message. To which he didn’t say anything.

My plan now is to give him space. Reach out Wednesday and say. Hey I hope that you had fun in Vegas. I really do want to apologize for what happened. I am not one for excuses but last week was a rough week for me and I wasn’t being my true self. I completely understand if you don’t want to talk to me anymore. But I was going to see if we could hang out get a couple of drinks, start over and go at this slower? If I still don’t hear from him then I’ll leave him alone.

Thoughts?!

Last edited by whatwhit; 26th January 2019 at 11:32 AM..
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Old 26th January 2019, 4:31 PM   #2
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My plan now is to give him space. Reach out Wednesday and say. Hey I hope that you had fun in Vegas. I really do want to apologize for what happened. I am not one for excuses but last week was a rough week for me and I wasnít being my true self. I completely understand if you donít want to talk to me anymore. But I was going to see if we could hang out get a couple of drinks, start over and go at this slower? If I still donít hear from him then Iíll leave him alone.
No, don't send this.

It's too much for a guy you've known for like 10 days. You're already too invested and this message will confirm that to him.

Let him come to you.
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Old 26th January 2019, 5:38 PM   #3
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Let it go. When things sour in the first weeks there's usually no way back. Use it as a learning lesson and work on controlling your anxiety for next time you meet someone you like.



I know it stings and you want to fix things but don't write him. Writing that sounds needy and... kinda desperate. If he wants to, he will reach out. But something tells me he won't.
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Old 26th January 2019, 6:31 PM   #4
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Reach out Wednesday and say. Hey I hope that you had fun in Vegas. I really do want to apologize for what happened. I am not one for excuses but last week was a rough week for me and I wasnít being my true self. I completely understand if you donít want to talk to me anymore. But I was going to see if we could hang out get a couple of drinks, start over and go at this slower?
Just say, "Hey, I hope that you had fun in Vegas. Sorry for how I acted."

Everything else is actually you just making excuses, plus is waayyy too much at this point.

If he accepts that you're sorry, and he's still interested, then just that short message will be enough for him to get back in touch with you. It's all you can do, and then just leave it alone forever.
If you hear back from him, great (but, if so, don't try to go back to rehash that mess...unless he brings it up first); if he doesn't contact you again, lesson learned.
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Old 26th January 2019, 9:32 PM   #5
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I'm sorry but you need some tough love.

He made it very clear that he doesn't want to talk to you right now, and hasn't even responded to your goodnight or have fun in Vegas texts. I don't know how much more obvious he could be about it. Any further messages from you will only come across as desperate and annoying (harsh but true).

He wants space to be free and single in Vegas, so let him have it. If he has time and space away he will be able to figure out whether he is genuinely interested in being with you or not. Likewise you have time to think about whether this guy measures up to your standards of what you want in a guy.

Please stop feeling the need to apologize. Remember he was the one who ditched you because he was so "sick", but in reality he was well enough to go away on a guys weekend. Apologizing for calling him out on the truth only makes you appear like a doormat.

If you want to let it go and move on, that's fine. You never need to bring it up again, but your plan to try and redeem yourself isn't going to work out the way you hope. It will have the opposite effect on him, trust me.

The best thing you can possibly do right now is to go completely silent on him, and let him believe that you have other options and things going on. So if he really wants another shot, he has to be the one to make the effort, not you.

Remember the old saying, "You teach people how to treat you". You might find this guy isn't actually the prize you think he is. Take a step back and observe his behavior from now on.

Most importantly, value yourself.
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Old 27th January 2019, 12:45 PM   #6
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Is it a good sign if heís watching my insta stories? I know that sounds childish. But just curious.
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Old 27th January 2019, 1:55 PM   #7
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What you want to say isn't terrible. I still have MAJOR issues with the platform you want to use. Stop using work devices for personal reasons!

If he's still reading your insta stuff, there is some small glimmer of hope if you keep a hold of yourself.

Do give him space. Send a welcome back message through any platform other then work. If he responds to that, you initiate a meet. At the meet, in person say sorry for being weird then leave it alone.
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Old 27th January 2019, 2:03 PM   #8
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Just stop! There's no investment here. He's already told you to back off. Stop trying to find excuses to contact him. You already made him feel smothered in this short time. You're not going to get this guy. Accept it and move on with dignity. Stop contacting him. If he happens to contact you, then fine, but don't make too much of it if he does.
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Old 6th February 2019, 5:50 PM   #9
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I read your original post and i know you said your guy came back from vegas and you guys talked. I feel you though i just recently figured out why things dont work out for me when it comes to dating and right as im figuring things out im messing things up with this guy ive been talking to for the past month and a half.

I know it sucks because i feel like ive messed things up and hes more distant than ever. Hes not replying to some of my texts either. This last time i freaked out and sent him a "break up" text to which he replied very short to with "ummm?okay". and then hours later i tried blaming it on my period and asked him to forgive me that i was acting crazy and he said he did but that was it.

i tried texting him goodnight last night and he read it on facebook messenger and didnt reply. I want to reach out one more time tomorrow and if he ignores that one then im not trying no more because at this point im looking desperate and crazy and my anxiety is through the roof to the point im now on anxiety meds. All i want to do is see him one more time and maybe i can redeem myself.

You and i just got attached too fast with these guys and we screwed things and scared them off.

Last edited by c1nderella; 6th February 2019 at 6:01 PM..
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Old 16th February 2019, 1:57 PM   #10
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Freaking out on a guy after just a week and a half has psycho written all over it. I'm pretty sure you wrecked it.
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Old 16th February 2019, 3:07 PM   #11
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You are acting crazy. Read what you just wrote about what you did. Desperate is very unattractive. Begging is very unattractive. Taking back what you wrote in an emotional meltdown is very unattractive. Writing anything to begin with in an emotional meltdown is very unattractive. Doing any of this with someone you barely know is out of line and will send any man running for the hills.

Get a grip. You have to learn some self-control and you have to learn not to be so desperate you fall for someone you don't even know.
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Old 17th February 2019, 2:05 PM   #12
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Give him some time try not to come off as needy stop thinking about him do something with your friends forget about him and wait till he makes a move for now take it slow but make sure he knows your interested you don't know him well enough don't make him the centre of your life
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