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she confuses me with potential second chance?


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Old 8th December 2018, 6:30 PM   #1
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she confuses me with potential second chance?

I'll start this by saying, I never initiated contact since she left to go at her parents.

we were together for 2 years. ( not even sure is we're still together or not )
and one day we talked about how she wasn't happy and saying it could'nt work. the same night we stayed together and she left the day afterwards. texting me saying she was at her parents. kept texting me for a couple of days. (no i love yous nothing) but kept texting until the third day she came back. being really nice to me , liking my new hairstyle and such.

then we talked for hours and hours and opened too much. she left.
next day, no text, day after that same thing. then the 3rd day. texting again.
then decided to meet for a coffee. 2 days afterwards.

we talked FOR HOURS. laughing together. everything was fine. we opened up a bit again. we cried together but happy tears of course. she knew that I was someone that could fix the issues of my past.

but we ended with a hug and a text "goodbye xoxo"

couple days pass, i go out for my own sake. trying to make the most about what I learned and to fix my ways and just be a better man in general.

today. Saturday. she texted me "good morning, want to meet up? we could get the stuff out of the apartment " to which I agreed. " texted me a bit later saying " i'll stop for coffee want anything?" which i found really weird.

but whatever she came. we had a lot of fun together I told her about how I was doing great and doing lots of stuff. she told me that since she left she wasn't doing much to which I was surprised ( because usually she has a lot to do )

and we continued talking and talking . we were having lots of un together laughing, and at one point we started play fighting, she was sometimes quite close to me and a bit touchy touchy.

anyways she started packing her books. she told me how she would've loved me to read these books. and as she opened one of them, a pictures of me randomly fell out of the book. she was wondering what that was doing there ( I had not a single clue) she put the picture of me BACK in the book and packed the book with my picture in it.

to which i wondered why? why would you do that?

music was playing and we started dancing, not together but you know. dancing, having fun.

then she was texting her brother (because it's his birthday today) asking him what he wants. he replied. she then said to me she was gonna get it right now . I said ok

but to my surprise she then asked me " are you doing anything today?"
I replied " today i'm free but tomorrow i'm busy, why ?"
she said " do you want to come with me to get my brother's gift?"
so i agreed.

we went to get his gift. while in the car she asked "do you mind if I wrapped the gift at your place ?"
of course I didn't mind.

she then proceeded to wrap the gift and then said she had to go .

BUT,

she said that since it' her little brother's birthday and they're going to be lots of young immature boys there (16y), ( she's suppose to take care of the party) ((she's 24 btw)) . she then said that she might invite me to the party if I wanted to. might send me a message later today ((i'll try to keep you updated))

I have NO clue what to think about this. every time we're together , on both sides it feels like we're having sooo much fun.

I am not waiting for her to text me , I'm writing here first then will be completing my online classes so if sh never sends me a message. I won't bother.

but why on earth is she doing this ? is this getting closer to a second chance or she's quite confuse and testing me somehow ?

(note that i'm still her cellphone's wallpaper, and i'm in all hersocial media's pictures,

in fact we're still considered 'in a relationship'

she hasn't said anything to anyone yet other than CLOSE family and really close friends. because othewise they'd notice I would'nt be around much.

do you think I should make more moves? I haven initiated contact with her since she left to go live at her parents, she always did.

she obviously notied i've changed since she left. doing lo more things i wasn't doing beforehand ?

like I said, does it feel like a test of some sort? she obviously enjoys the time with me. she laughs and play with me. we have the same sense of humor.

and she's inviting me to stuff that I should'nt be there. ( like little brother's birthday party)

I do have strong feelings towards her but i hesitate to make moves.
and it hasn't been a long time since she left. so i have no clue what to think.

any similar experience here that could help me clear this up ?

thanks!!
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Old 8th December 2018, 6:39 PM   #2
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I would not contact her. I can speak from experience that when I broke up with a boyfriend, I still would have coffee and text wanting to keep him around. All I needed was him to seem interested and hang out occasionally.
When he would not contact me, I would worry he had met someone else. I wasn't sure I wanted him back but didn't want him to be with anyone else. Yes, it's very selfish.
Again, Don't contact her. Let her experience missing you and discover if she truly wants you back.

Last edited by Karanne; 8th December 2018 at 6:41 PM..
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Old 8th December 2018, 6:54 PM   #3
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Well, she wouldn't be moving out if she wanted to stay together. I think it's confusing because she's not mad at you especially, but she broke up saying she was unhappy. Maybe she just doesn't feel romantically toward you anymore and seems happy that you're possible going to be "just friends."

Bottom line, her actions are she's moving out. I think if she had lingering doubt, she wouldn't be moving out.
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Old 9th December 2018, 6:53 AM   #4
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When I was around her age, I broke up with a long-term, live-in boyfriend. I just wasn't happy anymore and didn't feel the same. He wasn't a bad guy but I knew he wasn't the one for me. (and vice versa)

After the break-up, I had no problem meeting up with him, hanging out sometimes, laughing together. We had always been good friends. However, I didn't want to be with him anymore and hanging out - to my immature mind - was fine because the romance was gone. We were still weaning off of each other because the break-up meant a big transition for us both, and we were so used to each other's company that cutting off completely seemed too harsh... at first. I was too block-headed to realize how much this continued contact confused him, as he took it to mean something more.

When I finally smartened up (a few weeks after I moved out) I told him we could not keep seeing each other as I knew we had completely different feelings about doing so. I had to learn to live without his constant presence in my life, even as a friend. I had to tell my closest friends and family we were over, as only a couple people knew at that point. And so, we gradually faced reality, drifted apart and moved on. It wasn't easy, but I also knew I didn't want to try again with him.

I share this to give you an idea of what your ex might currently be thinking, OP. I don't believe it's a test; I believe she's simply used to having you around and it's going to take some time for her to accept what a break-up really entails, too. Be clear with her that you don't fancy the idea of continuing to meet and talk if she is not interested in reconciling. Going to her brother's birthday would be a big mistake, I feel, because it will hurt like hell if it still amounts to nothing.
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Old 9th December 2018, 10:02 AM   #5
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She's letting you down easy and her plans haven't changed.

And you're accepting breadcrumbs
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Old 9th December 2018, 4:46 PM   #6
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I read you all,

Itís a heartbroking decision .
But the reason I do this is because I love her so much.
But I shall let her go.

Should I just leave? And never respond or go straight
To the point with her and let her know what Iíll be doing?

Iím not sure what to do ,

But certainly I will cut off contact because youíre right, itís hurting me more
Than fixing things.

Thank you.
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Old 10th December 2018, 1:40 PM   #7
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I think you can have a final conversation where you tell her that you need time to heal. Tell her you can't properly grieve and move on while she is still in the picture. Let her know that you require no contact and that she needs to respect your feelings. Then if she tries to contact you again it's fine to ignore her.
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