Dont even know how to feel about this

[Andi004]

Long story short: He always liked me, after two years gave him a chance. We dated for about one year and a half but I had self esteem problems and so does he. The biggets problemas was that I was jealous b/c he texted sexual things with other girls and they even sent him pictures in their underwear so that made me more insecure. We started having problems in bed and was almost 4 months without sex and he exploted ( never really showed his feelings) and broke up with me

 

YESTERDAY he came by to give me a gift he had for my birthday ( he got it before we broke up) it was heart breaking, the gift is amazing and it´s something I really really loved and wanted. I told him that I can´t be his friend right now, eventually someday we will, that I´m trying to respect his decision and that Im trying to move on.

 

He said that he doesnt want to make my moving on more difficult and that he would try to not get in the way, that he really cares about me and hates to hurt me.

 

i said thanks for everything and he said that he really hopes that we rescue the friendship from all of this and that this relationship made him grow as a person.

 

I just dont know what to think or feel anymore. I keep thinking he is dating someone else and maybe thats why he looks so calm and better.

[SpecialJ]

He's a jerk. His self esteem is so bad that he needs other women to sext with and thinks that's okay? You may have self esteem problems too, but that jealousy you felt was because he was doing nothing to make you feel secure! On top of that, he doesn't openly communicate with you.

 

If he's doing fine, it's either because he wasn't serious about you (and frankly probably can't be serious with anyone) or because he's so disconnected from his own feelings, through defense mechanisms he pathologically uses to protect his self esteem, that he just stuffs them down and avoids them until they explode.

 

It doesn't feel this way to you now, but you're better off without him. Maybe he knows you well enough to pick out a nice gift, but he otherwise wasn't showing up for you as a healthy partner.

 

I wouldn't be shocked if this immature guy eventually comes crawling back in need of an ego boost if you do right for yourself and go no contact to heal and get over him.

[Happy Lemming]

YESTERDAY he came by to give me a gift he had for my birthday ( he got it before we broke up) it was heart breaking, the gift is amazing and it´s something I really really loved and wanted.

 

If he wanted you to have the gift, why didn't he ship it or mail it to you. Why the need to deliver it in person??

 

I was living with a woman and after we broke up and she moved out, I found a pair of her boots buried all the way in the back of the closet. I don't think she left them intentionally and I wanted her to have them back, so I boxed them up and shipped them to her. No muss, no fuss.

[bathtub-row]

Did you ever see the movie The Holiday? Your situation reminds me of something the friend tells the main character -- that when a guy cheats on you, you ditch him and never speak to him again, you don't do his laundry for him.

 

Have you ever met any quality men? The reason I ask is because you don't seem to understand that this guy's horrible behavior while he was in a relationship with you was completely off-base, uncaring, and disrespectful. If I were you, I'd return the gift and let this guy fade from my life.

[marky00]

I keep thinking he is dating someone else and maybe that's why he looks so calm and better.

 

I'd say your right.

 

The dumpers who seem all cool and non-flustered most of the time have someone else waiting.

 

If he was single, he'd be doing soul searching and at least giving you space as you move one.

 

When their behavior is irrational and almost impossible to grasp, there's definitely someone else.