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Reconnecting(?) after a year, but I'm with someone new


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Old 25th December 2017, 7:57 PM   #1
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Question Reconnecting(?) after a year, but I'm with someone new

Merry Christmas everyone!

Long story short: me (m 24) and my ex (f 23) split up just before Christmas last year. She called it off. It was an amicable breakup, but her behaviour post-breakup was...strange. In the intervening time I have done a lot of work on myself and I'm actually with someone new now, but have only been with them a very short time.

As for my ex, she has just a couple of months ago come out of what I can only assume was a rebound relationship with some lad who looks like he was born in a swamp and was "controlling," "manipulative," "aggressive" and "violent". I know this because we have recently 'reconnected' because he (being the mental case that he is) has been stalking me and been intimidating towards my ex. It turns out that most of her strange behaviour (blocking me on social media months after we last spoke, speaking to me as if she didn't know me) came as a result of her mental ex forcing her to cut me out of her life. She said he even made her block my number, and she unblocked it after she left him but couldn't get my number back to contact me.

For the last few weeks we have been talking again. She told me how he has thrown things at her and yelled at her to the point she was certain he was a clenched fist away from beating her to a pulp. Fortunately she left him, but she tells me she isn't "half the person I used to be" and that I "couldn't be more wrong" when I told her I assumed she'd found someone better than me. The conversations since then have got progressively better. We've been laughing and joking (just over Facebook) and she's spent some time reminiscing about times we had when we were together.

Anyway, last night she asked me to play Xbox with her (she bought an Xbox to keep her occupied and knows that I also play from time to time, so I've been playing with her a bit over the last couple of weeks), but I was about to watch a film with my new girlfriend. I told my ex this, and since then her tone has shifted slightly. She's backed off somewhat and seems more hesitant about being jokey and 'flirty' with me. I wished her a happy Christmas earlier and she replied, but instantly brought up the fact she'd interrupted my night with my girlfriend.

My problem is this: I still love my ex. I always have. I think the girl I'm with now is great, and maybe it's just because we've only been seeing each other a short time, but she just doesn't give me the same feeling I had when I was with my ex. I want to ask my ex to just meet up for a catch-up sometime, but given that she now knows I'm seeing someone I'm not sure how I go about doing this. I'm not even sure how she'd take the question. Is she interested in reconnecting or is it too early? Before I told her about this new girl the conversation was going great. I know she's vulnerable at the moment given what she's been going through but I thought there was a chance she would be open to simply reconnecting at first. Now, I don't know. I also don't want to treat my new girlfriend like a piece of sh**, but can't help my feelings.

Can you guys give me any tips on how I should approach this? I know a lot of you will say that I should stick with the new girl and leave my ex in the past, but I don't see that as what I want to do. I've done all the moving on I can but what my ex told me about what her last boyfriend did to her made me sick to the stomach and my feelings for her have fully resurfaced. I'd like to begin to take the steps to repairing what we had but I'm lost as to how to do it. I also feel bad for the girl I'm with now. Thanks guys!

Last edited by Pottig; 25th December 2017 at 8:02 PM..
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Old 26th December 2017, 1:42 AM   #2
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So this ex is the one that broke up with you so she could, in your words "find her self", ended up finding another guy and told you that you would only ever be friends again and nothing more? I think you should break it off with you current girlfriend because of how you truly feel about her and as for your ex? Sounds like you want to pursue her again, so you can give that a shot, but my guess is that it won't end well for you. Again, you should let your current girl go right now because what you are doing is not fair to her.
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Old 26th December 2017, 12:18 PM   #3
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If you want to be with your EX, break up with your GF. If you want to keep your relationship with your GF, stop interacting with the EX. You can't have both women in your life because you still have romantic feelings toward the EX. It will be a slippery slope from x-box to cheating. Don't do that.
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