clairelouise11 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Hi Everyone I'm new here and just been having a rough time with my bf and wanted a little advice. I'm 30 and he's 26 and from NZ and been here in England for 5 years. We met at work, hit it off, he was full on with me and after about 6 months of casually dating when i was looking for somewhere to live suggested he bought a flat and i move in (he wanted to live with me and it was a way he could afford to buy a place as i'd pay him rent) It was a one bedroom flat, not very big. After a year of living together he started saying he felt trapped and never got the place to himself. i tried to go out and do a few things but still spent quite a lot of time at home. A month ago he flipped out, said he didn't want this anymore and didn't love me and wanted me to go. I went to my parents and four days later went to speak to him, we had a chat and he said about seeing each other again but not living together. I wanted him back so agreed but said it felt like going backwards, he said sometimes you have to go backwards to go forwards. We've been getting on really well not living together although i miss him all the time. He said he likes waking up alone so he doesn't have to worry about anyone else, he said it was just the fact of someone being there all the time and thought the flat was too small as sometimes when he comes home he likes to chill out alone. He says he's getting all the best bits now (where as i don't think so) i'm just scared he'll be too used to living alone again and never want to come back. He did say however that he'd thought of selling the flat and buying somewhere together but he wants his spare cash for a car. I'm in the process of buying a 2 bed house and hoping that he'll come live with me. Whats the best way to play it to convince him to try again, is it best to try again soon or let him have some freedom first and let him come when he's ready. Shall i step back and make him miss me? i said he could come live with me as it would be cheap and he said if i live with you it would have to be cos i want to not for money reasons which is right. just wondering what i should be doing to move us forward. thanks for your help guys!! Link to post Share on other sites
outdated Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 It seems that the problems originally arose from you and him being together all the time, so I don't think rushing into moving in again is going to solve any of the problems you have. Is it possible you could work out a few nights a week you spend together? That way you could have seperate pads and have your own headspace when you and he need it. I don't think that moving in again will help your relationship progress- I think it'll be another setback, but that's just my opinion. I say let him come when he's ready. Link to post Share on other sites
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