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Travel87 9th November 2017 4:58 AM

She slept with someone else
Long story short we hadnt been good for a while, we broke up 3 weeks ago, then kind of kept meeting but it wasn't the same so we broke up for good 2 weeks ago.

Now we bumped into each other shopping 4 days ago, went for a coffee and then we've met everyday since. Its been nice, casual and the stress of our old relationship seemingly has gone. Then the bomb shell drops. I told her I'd not slept with anyone else (after we had sex), she smiled and didn't say it back... 10 mins later I couldn't help but ask her outright and she said 'I have to be honest with you if we are going to get anywhere, the night I went out after our break up I drank way to much & ended up back at a guys house, we fooled around but as he was drunk he couldn't get it up, he kept trying then to get on top of me but I sobered up realised what I was doing was disgusting (As she's never had a 1 night stand in the past), and rang a taxi to go home'

Now she also admitted that if he had got it up she would have gone through with it but regrets the whole thing but wanted nto be honest. The hardest part for me is that this was the night after we'd broke up. 24 hours after she left me. I told her thsts the part that hurts as I was sat at home feeling awful she was naked with another man. She told me it was to get over me and she made a childish mistake. She swore she's never cheated on me but she did say she's surprised how I haven't gone mad... I told her I dont go mad at people if it happened while we where together I'd tell you to leave but we wasnt. I dont want to be a pushover so am I making a mistake letting this go so easily? I've done it before but after a good 5 or 6 days but didnt go through with it as felt it was wrong. It worries me that she admittrd she would of gone through with it and that was just a day later. It's also hard that we have been great these past 4 days and feel we may have needed the break up to realise how we both lost our way. She's admitted loads of failings and shown she won't be doing that again. Just the little things and ive also changed back as lost my way. I know we may never make this work but I just don't know whether to say I've enjoyed the last few days but that's as far as we go... or say let's just wipe the slate clean and 1 more mistake and it's done but let's give it a go

d0nnivain 9th November 2017 8:04 AM

On the heels of a break up following months where the relationship wasn't working, your upset EX-GF sought comfort from another man. That's all. It wasn't some monumental connection; it was meaningless not-sex. When you asked about it she did not lie, but tried to spare you the details you now can now un-hear. You foolishly pushed for more info & now that you have it, you can't get past it.

I don't think she did anything wrong. I also don't think you will ever see her the same way & you will never get over this. Therefore you need to just let it be.

You & this EX have been on a unhealthy merry-go-round for a while. The break up make up cycle doesn't work. These little chats & the post break up sex you have been having prevent either of you from moving on. You had been contemplating getting back together but neither of you addressed any of the causes for your break ups. So even if you did temporarily reconcile (putting aside the other guy for a second), in a few months you would be right back here. Maybe, this other guy is the final nail in the coffin that you need to end this dysfunctional relationship once & for all.

doyathinkso 9th November 2017 8:12 AM


That's the sound of the air escaping from your relationship now that she's stuck a fork in it. Reckon it must be done.

Been 10th November 2017 1:38 AM

If I here at excuse again.....we were going to but at the last moment he "couldn't get it up". God that has lie written all over it.
Sorry bro but I highly doubt that happened. In all the cases I've seen that excuse used months latter it always turns out to a lie.

Been 10th November 2017 12:38 PM

Ive never understood when people decide to tell the truth they for whatever reason decide to tell HALF the truth. I mean if your given the chance to come clean why not FULLY tell the truth because at some point its going to come out. And any gain you made as a couple is then lost.
I remember my ex wife coming "clean" about her cheating in an attempt to salvage our marriage. I was young and at that time believed in granting second chances to people. I remember hearing her out and telling her if she left ANYTHING out we would be done regardless if we were progressing well. She swore up and down that was everything.
Everything was great for about 3 months. One night we decided to meet up with her friends. Everyone was drinking. One of her female friends was talking to me and said she couldn't believe that my wife had slept with this certain man- only problem was when my wife told me "everything" his name had never come up. That was the straw that broke the camels back. We were done that week.

healing light 11th November 2017 12:29 AM

I do believe he may not have gotten it up due to the alcohol. Why lie about that?

But in any case, I agree with D0nnivan. You guys broke up. Even though it was that night, you weren't technically together. Sucks that she didn't wait, but I get the impression lots of people do that and more soon after breakups in drunken fits. That's the risk you take when you break up with someone, especially if you've had a rocky relationship.

springy 11th November 2017 12:41 PM

The relationship had been in the crapper for awhile, you broke up 2 weeks ago, bumped into each other 4 days ago (so, one week and three days after the breakup?), and after a few casual talks the old problems seem to have magically disappeared? I highly doubt that. Add to that the anger/hurt you feel because she decided to try someone else and this relationship is essentially toast. You were broken up - if you can't handle the answer you should not ask the questions.

If you can't get past this fairly quickly (and all the other unresolved stuff that is sure to rear it's head soon enough), it seems there's no point in going down this road with her again. Good luck whatever you decide!

Marc878 11th November 2017 12:44 PM

Sounds like you're the needy, clingy type that can't let go.

You gonna wallow around in this quagmire some more?

If so. Why?

sandylee1 11th November 2017 5:06 PM

So are you back together again? After she left you to pick your car up with no text message or anything?

Your flogging a dead horse...I suggest you rubber up with her from now on.

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