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Ex made contact after 1 month. Did I handle it well?

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Old 26th October 2017, 8:21 AM   #1
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Ex made contact after 1 month. Did I handle it well?

TLDR: My ex messaged me after a month of No Contact. I replied, cheery but brief. I want her back, but I hope I haven't missed my window of opportunity. Did I act too fine? Will she message me again?


My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago. She (25) and I (23) were together for almost 2 years. Things were going really well, travelling together and knew her family well. But over a few days being quietly upset about something, she broke it to me that she felt we were moving into the 'next stage' of our relationship, that I was someone she could see 'being with for a long time', but was worried if we stayed together she would 'never know what its like to be single'. She has been in 2 relationships back-to-back since she was 19... I understood. We broke it off.

I've been upset, depressed, angry, feeling a lot of grief. But the past month has been ok. I think about her a little less every day, and I know she is probably thinking about me a little less too, which scares me. She has been hanging out a lot with her friends, meeting new people and gaining a lot with her career. I have been hanging out with old friends, working on my studies, and exercising again.

We hadn't spoken at all in about 5 weeks. I heard from a friend she has been sick recently and bed ridden the last couple of days. That's when I got a message from her: 'Hey, how are you? What have you been doing?'. I told her I was really good, that I was relaxing, then going to meet some friends so I had to go. I think she wanted me to ask her how she was, but I didn't. I thought I should keep our interactions short and sweet. I wanted her to know I was busy and doing just fine. (I'm not, really)

Part of me thinks she just sent the message because she is sick and feeling a bit lonely, maybe coming to me for emotional support. As far as I can tell this is the most she has slowed down on partying and socializing since we broke up - perhaps she's finally processing the break up? Could she be having second thoughts, or is that wishful thinking? All of our mutual friends think she is making a mistake and having a 'quarter-life crisis', but she has avoided most of them since we broke up.

Was I too blunt with my messages? I was friendly and enthusiastic, but I could tell she wanted support and I didn't give it to her. I don't really feel bad about it, because she has caused me a lot of pain, but I can't help thinking I missed a chance for her to start a conversation about us. Should I respond to any messages unless it's clear request for reconciliation? What if she doesn't message me again? I want to be with her, but I know she needs some time to think this stuff over. I don't want to wait for her, but it's hard to avoid her or think about her when we have all the same friends and interests. What can be done?


Last edited by determineddumpee; 26th October 2017 at 8:48 AM..
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Old 26th October 2017, 3:26 PM   #2
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She's bedridden, bored and looking for conversation partners while she's down. Keeping it brief was the right thing to do.
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Old 26th October 2017, 8:12 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by springy View Post
She's bedridden, bored and looking for conversation partners while she's down. Keeping it brief was the right thing to do.
I really think you handled it perfectly. If she cares and is ready to move forward with you, she will say it-especially as the one who got the breakup going. It's normal that people miss each other at points. Hopefully that will be the overriding feeling she gets but one message--nah, don't jump at that. Goodluck
Everybody's like: He's no item,Please don't like em, He don't wife em, He one nights em,I never listened No. I shoulda figured though. All that sh*t you was spittin',So unoriginal, But it was you. So I was with it. Then tell you the truth, Wish we never did it. If you was really the realest, Wouldn't be fightin' it.I think your pride is just...In the way
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Old 28th October 2017, 2:46 AM   #4
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You did great. Why is that ex's think its OK to contact you after a lengthy time?
Now you need to BLOCK her number. If she wishes to contact you she will find a way.
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