MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Summary: Separated in Jan. Then broke u with new bf of 7 months about three weeks ago. He's been working out of province for two months and hasn't make time to come back as orig planned, and this made me feel hurt and unimportant. He'll be gone another two months, but the work is getting closer and closer to our home province! I began seeing someone in the meantime. He is falling for me but I have told him I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm not over my marriage, I'm not over my bf, I need time to figure out what I want. I will be having a talk with him later this week. I emailed BF after a week, then texted after another week. He emailed me finally on Sat, and said he still loves me, misses me very much, knows I'm hurt, and is finding it hard, and loves me....bottom line. He hopes we can get back on track when he is done the job. He knows my terms - that he make time for me....IE more than once every couple of weeks and more than a few hours at a time. Make me a part of his life. No more need to keep this discreet as we have been. What do I do now? Do I email him back and tell him how I feel? Do I just remind him what my terms are? He said in his email that the sex was the best (I know he means it) and I have told him he will not be topped (also the truth). He also said "I hope you don't have a chance to compare"...but I have (and it sucked LOL). Do I wait another two months and keep myself busy as I tried to do the first two months? I could easily give up all the guys I talk to online for this man. I've never felt love like this ever before, not even with my 13 yr marriage. Not even with a 5-yr relationship I had before that. We both agree it feels "right". I feel a whole new range of emotions with him....from the best to the worst. Is this good or bad? With my exH I was emotionally dead. I started feeling that "dead" feeling again last week until I got his email, even with seeing the new guy who I am just not "into". How do I get through the next two months....do I tell him I'll wait? Do I keep having fun and seeing who I want to see? Will this give me a better idea of what I want? I am very open to suggestions!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
amandine Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 I wouldn't give up everything for him yet. Don't throw it in his face that you are seeing other people, in fact, don't mention it -- but keep the lines of communication open with him. I would tell him how you feel, honestly, about him. Then I would play it a bit mysterious for a while, maybe letting him contact you for a bit, and responding, but always sure he initiates it. If he is all that and a bag of chips, your wonderlust will wear off and you'll still see that about him. If this guy turns out to be a fluke, just live and learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 MWC I think that you could benefit from individual counseling. You seem to have a pattern of hopping from relationship to relationship and perhaps this could help? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 What's so hard about not dating anyone for 2 months? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 1, 2005 Author Share Posted June 1, 2005 I did email him back, and said how I felt. I also said it would be nice to hook up again (as he said) and we would have to work around our busy schedules to make the relationship a priority for both of us. I also told him that it was kind of nice not having any expectations, not waiting for phone calls or emails, and that I believed I needed the break. He will not know that I have been out on dates (actually only one guy but three dates). I think he got the hint of mystery without me having to say it. As for not dating for 2 months, I think I can do that now. I love the attention I get from men (yeah I have past issues) but I decided no more sex!!! Nobody could top him anyways! I talked to him on msn last night too. He is working hard (60 days straight, one day off) and it looks like they will be done by the end of June, or at least back in the city here. He said while he is proud of his hard work, he realizes he has given up alot (meaning me). He also said I love you. I said I love you too, and when you get back we will work on "we". And yeah, it will be a learning experience if it doesn't work out. But I'm a grown-up, I can handle it. Ms. Pixie I don't think I have a pattern. I was married for 13 years and he was my OM. I went on a few dates with another man in the past month, but I don't think I jump from relationship to relationship. This last guy knows that I only want friendship, and we just spend time together (golf, movies, bbq). Being 40-ish, we are both consenting adults, so yeah we slept together (it sucked) and I won't be doing that anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 I'm going by what you've stated in earlier threads about how you'd always been a cheater- You stated you love attention from men- You can't not date someone for two months- Some people have to be in a relationship- the question is why? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 Also the "empty" feeling you get? What Mz. Pixie indicated, and that alone - are red flags of codependency. The best treatment? Being alone for a while and facing those fears of being alone. We all get that way at points in our lives. The first step is to admit that that is not a healthy reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 2, 2005 Author Share Posted June 2, 2005 I want to be alone for a while. And I will be. My holey underwear guy (the one I went out a few times with) is coming over Fri night to bring some things I forgot from his place. He knows I only want friendship and is okay with that. Should I tell him that I might be hooking up with the BF? I think I will try to stay offline this weekend as well, maybe rent some movies. I don't have my kids, and they're going camping so I won't even see them. This will be a good test for me. I can go to the gym, and I can work some OT, actually I have to do some work. My girl friends are too busy with their families so I won't be seeing them. I've seen my parents a bit too much lately and don't want to go visit them, plus I'd have to drive to the city and gas is too expensive these days! Okay, I can do this. If any guys call me, I'll just talk for a bit and then act like I'm busy. Sound good? Link to post Share on other sites
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