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Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 18th September 2017, 1:15 PM   #1
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Question When to give up and when to fight for it?

Was with my ex girlfriend for 4 years, she broke up with me in March 2017 but we lived together until July, then she had sex with a random guy and I had to move out.

I went no contact for 2 months, until September. I first contacted her telling her I have no anger feelings towards her and I wish her the best and also wished her a happy birthday. She was like "thanks" but in a cold way.

I've learned along the way that she's been slutting around since I moved out. She sleeps with random guys. She's attracted to social media attention whores. She had sex with a guy with thousands followers on instagram, who constantly get hundreds of likes for every picture.

Of course all these guys look better, richer, more popular than me. But I'm not a shallow person and I have intellectual qualities they will never have.

I'm sad to see her like that, I feel pity for her. That's not the girl I used to know, but everyone says a woman becomes a slut for a period of time after a bad breakup. She's trying to fill the void since I'm not there anymore.

One of the reason we broke up was financial reasons. She is making very good money and I was struggling to follow her fast-paced life. She likes everything that is luxury. She likes to get the attention of others. Expensive cars, expensive watches. Travelling and showing off. I'm almost the complete opposite of that. I'm an intellectual introvert. I'm looking good, I train a lot. I just don't like to be an attention whore on social media. I drive a minivan and own a small business but I'm yet to make as much money as her.

I tried to follow many "get your ex back guides" on the internet, they were all bad except one. That guy, Dan Bacon. This guy is a genius when it comes to talking to women.

I approached my ex with some of the advices I've looked into his videos.

For the first time in a long long time, she looked curious about what was going on with me. She doesn't know that I know about her having sex with random guys. I know she really is into some guy at the moment but it just can't work with him, he's a complete f*** boy. She is completely delusional if she thinks it can lead to anything other than sex in the long-term.

I know she turned into a promiscuous monster but however, I'm still wondering if I should try to get back with her. Since we broke up I started to take care of me more than ever. I'm looking to make more money than ever and reach a level of financial success similar to hers.

I know everything I wrote her seems totally negative about her.
But in these 4 and years that I've been with her, I've lived some of my best memories ever. Despite the end of the relationship being a complete mess, I feel some guilt of not being good enough for her at the end. I took her for granted and stopped improving myself and she had enough of it.

It disgusts me in some way that she's offering her body to anyone with a high social status. She needs to feel valued. I failed to bring that feeling to her at the end. Even if I upgrade my social status and financial, she will always be attracted to a better looking and richer man than I will.

I know she will end up alone and lonely and repeat those ugly stories over and over and over again. Despite all the crap I wrote about her here, some times she's been a very very good person to me. I just wrote the bad things here but she's helped me in other ways.

I don't know if I should fight to try to get her back by doing the right moves or simply give up. I feel like I wasted almost 5 years of my life if I decide to give up totally. I miss her so bad.

Last edited by hcedrick; 18th September 2017 at 1:18 PM..
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Old 18th September 2017, 1:34 PM   #2
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bro you must be mad to want to be with someone like that and build your life with them. why would you want to have kids with a woman like that. let her enjoy the high life and find someone with a little deeper personality as it sounds youre quite an intelligent guy. if it didnt workout after 4 years then it never will. hit the gym, loose some weight get a new haircut and focus on work for few month then youll be ready for someone better. and for godness sake stop all the social media stalking.
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Old 18th September 2017, 1:35 PM   #3
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I believe that every relationship teaches you valuable lessons and helps you evolve emotionally and mentally. Life lessons. Pain helps you grow and imparts wisdom as you journey along. Dumpees who define not wanting to let go of a relationship due to "waste", justify holding on to it because they're afraid to move on.

Stop focusing on her issues and how you believe she should be living her life. It is none of your business. Seven months later you are still dwelling on how to win her back speaks of your own dysfunction -- you should be reinventing your life because it is something that you choose to do for yourself as you move forward. You don't reinvent your life because you would like to be more appealing to her.

Read up on co-dependency. The tell tale sign is your dire need to fix her and make her what you want her to be -- for you. It would be best to focus on where you are heading and what you should be doing to healthily detach -- rather than your obsession with videos on the internet on how to get her back.
One regret, my dear world, that I am determined not to have when I am lying on my deathbed is that I did not kiss you enough ~ Hafiz
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Old 18th September 2017, 1:37 PM   #4
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As I was told by a marriage counselor friend, as soon as they tell you that they do not love you, leave. No matter what else they say later, they have revealed their true feelings. You cannot will love into or out of existence. You cannot make a girl love you. Since you moved out that means it was her place and perhaps she wanted someone who could provide for her, rather than her providing to him. To try to get back makes you look weak and clingy. I know in your mind you are thinking that you are proving your love for her, but I doubt if she sees it in such noble terms. Move on. That is what I always did. Whatever it was that made her cheat and kick you out, is still there. Sometimes old girlfriends come back when their new relationship fails. They use you as their safety net because they know they can.

I am 66 and when I look back on my life, had I gotten the two girls who cheated on me back (I did not try), I would not have met my wife of 45 years and had such a wonderful life. Both of those girls ended up being dumped by their new boyfriend, became drug addicts and got pregnant by a man whose name they did not know. One has mental illness and left her husband to marry a woman. The other became a prostitute to feed her drug habit and then became a stripper who married a man much older than her, for financial support. He was her regular lap dance client and 22 years older than her.

Her dumping you may turn out to be the best thing in your life. Let it go.
Most people rather drown in a pool of their own morality than seek the safety of a different morality.
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Old 18th September 2017, 1:42 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by hcedrick View Post
she's been slutting around
Originally Posted by hcedrick View Post
I feel pity for her
Originally Posted by hcedrick View Post
everyone says a woman becomes a slut for a period of time
Originally Posted by hcedrick View Post
I tried to follow many "get your ex back guides" on the internet
Originally Posted by hcedrick View Post
She is completely delusional if she thinks it can lead to anything other than sex in the long-term.
Originally Posted by hcedrick View Post
she turned into a promiscuous monster

Originally Posted by hcedrick View Post
I know she will end up alone and lonely

You want to sell this idea that you're doing her some favor by chasing her to get her to go back out with you and it's an absolute joke. What you need to do is figure out all your complexes and get a handle on this horrible mentality that women "slut" around because they are dating again.

What you didn't share with us was how critical and emotionally abusive you probably were to her during the relationship. Additionally, you looked up break-up guru's and their common advice is to NEG. Neg and make a woman feel terrible about herself and her sexuality so that she feels as low as you.

Not cool. I hope she stays far away from you. And I hope you take this as a reality check and realize you and your idea of women were a major factor in all of this.

Last edited by Moderator; 20th October 2017 at 3:25 PM.. Reason: Topical content
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Old 18th September 2017, 3:47 PM   #6
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OP, just the tone of your post wreaks selfishness and neediness on your part. You need to be mature here.

Have some dignity and move on. No, you can't get her back. Yes, it is over and you should stop trying to get her back.

Use the energy you're using on "get your ex back" routines into something more productive like yourself. Go to the gym and work on your emotional and men strength.

I'm sorry but she is gone. The sooner you can accept that, the sooner you can find your true love.
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Old 18th September 2017, 4:53 PM   #7
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How does she do all of that, and still remain on a pedestal for you?

Doesn't the fact that you are pining and trying to wife up a woman that everyone else is just having easy sex with turn you off, not even at all?

I sort of get it, because I've been naive as a kid. The girl you went out with was a different girl than the one you've broken up with. She's a chameleon.

You also would have projected a lot of that white-knight stuff onto her too.

But you would at least think she would come out on the worse of your cognitive dissonance. Instead, you still want her back!

Cut her off, and be a bit more realistic with women in future.

Don't cuss women who are promiscuous too much. Enjoy it instead. Just don't try to wife them up, or be the one trying to court her like some sort of victorian gentleman!
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Old 19th September 2017, 1:07 AM   #8
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Sorry man but why on earth would you want her back let alone fight for her, are you serious. l know your hurting but , yknow.
If she had any real feeling she'd be going through what you are about your relationship but she's not she's out there sleeping around.'

Dump it man and find yourself a real women, she;ll only hurt you and degrade you even more anyway.

Last edited by Chilli; 19th September 2017 at 1:12 AM..
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Old 26th September 2017, 3:40 PM   #9
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Posts: 20 to deal with that?

I'll admit I was the one breaking a 2 months no contact with my ex gf trying to make things right. We been together for nearly 5 years but she told me last week she had another man in her life and since that day I went NC again.

Problem is that she texted me breadcrumbs two times. And by breadcrumbs I mean texts that doesn't mean anything really.

The last text she sent me was her asking me help for buying a new TV. She knew I like electronics a lot and it's something I know.

She's like "Yo I would need your advice if it's ok with you for a new TV"

I reply "You're gonna replace your old TV?"

She's says "Yeah I've been receiving e-mails of TV Deals from (whatever) store, I wanted to know if it made sense to you"

I didn't reply to that last text yet. I'm confused. It looks like she is trying to friendzone me and I don't think that's where I want to be.

I miss her a lot, she knows I still love her but I was trying to move on lately.

Why do she keep texting useless things like that? I mean I'm happy that she thinks about me but I feel I'm being used and she doesn't really care about me.
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Old 26th September 2017, 4:04 PM   #10
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You respond to breadcrumbs by not responding.
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Old 26th September 2017, 7:14 PM   #11
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Block her everywhere so she can't try to friendzone you.

This will make it easier for you to move on.
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Old 26th September 2017, 7:17 PM   #12
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Block and move on you're acting weak. She's told you she's seeing someone else
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