outdated Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Well she came back and just as quickly she left again. I don't know what the hell the deal is. Why come back and then change your mind? I'm beginning to think this girl has deeper issues than the commitment phobia that I had originally thought. I didn't beg her to come back, and I didn't expect it. She did it on her own free will. We didn't have sex and we didn't argue while she was back, but then she decided that her original thought of us needing to be apart was correct. Anyhow, I was hoping for a success story for a change, but this doesn't seem to be any different than any other pseudo-reconciliation on the LS. I told her that I didn't think that friends was a good idea, even though I love her very much and then I showed her the door, and said I'd see her at the end of June. I guess it just feels deliberate. Like the letters she sends me occasionally saying how much she misses me and doesn't understand why we're apart, but it's for the best. Now this? F*** her. Give me back my s*** and leave me alone. If she doesn't want to be with me why does she keep rearing her f***ing head? Thanks for letting me vent. Crazy-assed, dual personality woman. Get you s*** straight and get straight the f*** out! Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 OH NO...What happened?? You can't be serious. I wish I can say something to make you feel better but in the end somethings just not enough for her. She's dealing with a lot of issues on her own, be strong and don't let her get you down. I know it's hard but don't let her keep walking all over you. You need to stand up for yourself and let her know she can't keep running in and out. Either she ships in or out!! Give her some time if that's what you think in your heart you should do, if not Gosh just walk away and go through the heart break now instead of this agonizing pain of "when" ...You deserve better Link to post Share on other sites
Author outdated Posted May 24, 2005 Author Share Posted May 24, 2005 I do deserve better- it's just when did she become so heartless, you know? Now I don't even know if I ever knew who the hell she really was or is. I hate to say that she's crazy, because that's such a cop-out, but what else is there to think? Come, go, love me, hate me. Did I leave something out? There's nothing that I wouldn't have done for her, and I've never connected better with someone. I know I have to let it go, but then she comes back with something like this. WTF!!! The worst part about it is that even though I can go without talking to her- I've done it before- we run in the same circles and I have to see her all the time. Jesus, this bs could go on forever. I'm not even sad about it anymore. She's probably back with the guy she got with after me the first time, and I don't even care. Now I'm just pissed. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Think of it as visiting a grave, hoping to find the person you love standing there alive again. When she said she missed you, I expect she is telling the truth: she misses who you were at the beginning of the relationship - and unfortunately, with all the rollercoaster changes you have been put through - that guy no longer exists for her. She is no longer the woman she was, either. You are looking for versions of yourselves in each other that no longer exist. You can't undo your relationship. You can't undo those changes. Her coming back was probably some faint hope that she could 'undo' all that. Maybe she came back hoping to find the guy she fell in love with early in the relationship, and instead found the guy she fell out of love with later in the relationship. Relationships change people for better or for worse. Sometimes these changes are the very things that end the relationship - that doesn't stop us from wishing that we could have back the person they were before those changes though. Second chances require that you either accept those changes and move forward, or you reject the changes and hope for a brand new relationship with the new people you've both become (which usually doesn't work because you are both different people than the ones you were initially attracted to). She took a chance hoping that she could either accept the changes that you and she have both made in the course of your relationship, or put them behind you for a new chance - and found out she couldn't do either. So, she left again. She is unable to accept who you are now, but she still wants who you were then so she will continue to bother you until she lets that person in her heart go. What to do? Self protection. 'No contact' - do not allow her to contact you in any way, shape or form. No new contacts = no new hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author outdated Posted May 24, 2005 Author Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia Think of it as visiting a grave, hoping to find the person you love standing there alive again. When she said she missed you, I expect she is telling the truth: she misses who you were at the beginning of the relationship - and unfortunately, with all the rollercoaster changes you have been put through - that guy no longer exists for her. She is no longer the woman she was, either. You are looking for versions of yourselves in each other that no longer exist. You can't undo your relationship. You can't undo those changes. Her coming back was probably some faint hope that she could 'undo' all that. Maybe she came back hoping to find the guy she fell in love with early in the relationship, and instead found the guy she fell out of love with later in the relationship. Relationships change people for better or for worse. Sometimes these changes are the very things that end the relationship - that doesn't stop us from wishing that we could have back the person they were before those changes though. Second chances require that you either accept those changes and move forward, or you reject the changes and hope for a brand new relationship with the new people you've both become (which usually doesn't work because you are both different people than the ones you were initially attracted to). She took a chance hoping that she could either accept the changes that you and she have both made in the course of your relationship, or put them behind you for a new chance - and found out she couldn't do either. So, she left again. She is unable to accept who you are now, but she still wants who you were then so she will continue to bother you until she lets that person in her heart go. What to do? Self protection. 'No contact' - do not allow her to contact you in any way, shape or form. No new contacts = no new hurts. You always give good advice LB. If she came back looking for the same guy, she wouldn't have found him. I kinda thought that was the point. But if anything I'm a better man, not worse, so why should that be a problem. The only rift in our relationship came from my previous job in which I was miserable. I solved that and am much happier, but that wasn't good enough. I've made my outside life better as well, new band, blah blah. Why would she want a worse me? Am I too independent now? I guess it doesn't matter, but I do appreciate what your saying. I just wish no contact was possible. We run in the same circles. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 I just wish no contact was possible. We run in the same circles. I've been in this situation a few times. I would suggest politely saying hi, how are you, and after all that small talk BS, just move on to talking to the next person and make sure you don't make attempts to talk to her for the rest of the time. Don't be hostile or bitch about her to the mutual friends, and always put on a smile to be friendly with everyone, even her. It puts her in a position where she can't say or do anything about you, and she must be polite in return, otherwise she's seen as a drama queen, making something out of nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia Think of it as visiting a grave, hoping to find the person you love standing there alive again. When she said she missed you, I expect she is telling the truth: she misses who you were at the beginning of the relationship - and unfortunately, with all the rollercoaster changes you have been put through - that guy no longer exists for her. She is no longer the woman she was, either. You are looking for versions of yourselves in each other that no longer exist. You can't undo your relationship. You can't undo those changes. Her coming back was probably some faint hope that she could 'undo' all that. Maybe she came back hoping to find the guy she fell in love with early in the relationship, and instead found the guy she fell out of love with later in the relationship. Relationships change people for better or for worse. Sometimes these changes are the very things that end the relationship - that doesn't stop us from wishing that we could have back the person they were before those changes though. Second chances require that you either accept those changes and move forward, or you reject the changes and hope for a brand new relationship with the new people you've both become (which usually doesn't work because you are both different people than the ones you were initially attracted to). She took a chance hoping that she could either accept the changes that you and she have both made in the course of your relationship, or put them behind you for a new chance - and found out she couldn't do either. So, she left again. She is unable to accept who you are now, but she still wants who you were then so she will continue to bother you until she lets that person in her heart go. What to do? Self protection. 'No contact' - do not allow her to contact you in any way, shape or form. No new contacts = no new hurts. In short, she is just screwing with your head. DO NOT let her do that again. Link to post Share on other sites
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