Getting back together a chance?

[Hue_da_da]

So my ex and I dated for 4 years, from 17 until just 1 and a half months ago, it was a mutually breakup because we were best friends and she said she didn't see herself marrying my because I acted like a child and she said she loved me but wasn't in love with me. 1 year before she wanted to get engaged and I said no because I can't support a family yet I need to take care of myself first before I try and support us. 3 times in our relationship I "talked" to other girls, I DID NOT DO ANYTHING PHYSICAL with these girls, I just talked to them and my ex and I broke up 3 times due to it, all fo very short amount of time. At the very last time I did it, she seemed to get really desensitized with me as if she had harneded her heart so she wouldn't get hurt again. We broke up 1.5 months ago and she started talking to me a week after NC. Just asked how I was doing I told her good and called her and we talked for a while, another week no contact, talked again and the same thing, went to do NC again and she said the next day that she missed me a lot, so I said we could hangout. We did for about 1 hr, walked our dogs in the park, she wasn't lovey dovey, wasn't anything really just kinda "there" I kissed her at the end and it was nothing. Dead lips. Huge mistake on my part I think. Then we continue to text and stuff for another 2 weeks, then 2 weeks ago she said she wanted some space because for the past week I had been asking her to hangout every day, and she would always say yes first then flake out later. She said she didn't think I was ready. So we didn't talk up until last friday. Then she texts me and I don't text her back for a day and I wake up Saturday and she is freaking out tell me to text her and talk to her! I do talk to her and it's alright we're having a good time and she is super interested in the conversation. But then the more we text the more she seems "meh" about talking. On Sunday I told her im not going to be her friend down the line on a call, I said im gonna move on just like I am with everything else in my life so I need to know her intentions. She asked if I should. Moved on from her and I said not yet. She told me she wants to talk and she just isn't ready to date or date me yet but she wants to talk to me and see how it goes until she is ready to see me again or date me. I say "ok". She talks to me now but we don't text often, if I don't text her first she won't text me at all a whole day but the next day she usually will. Says she is "busy" and does it with everyone. She says she wants to talk but wants to see how it goes and isn't stringing me along when I straight up ask her. We have wonderful funny conversations on the phone but texting is somewhat dull. I am overall more happy now because I accepted wie might now be together and I need to improve myself so she sees im actually changing as well as getting my life in order, within a week of our breakup I got my GED and started training to join the military I want to become the man I dream of and the man that can support her and a family. She is not seeing anyone else, I don't suspect at least because that not her type, I was her first boyfriend ever, and she is very shy and took a long time and much persisents to even get her interest. Please someone help, and let me know what you think she is thinking, I told her im not going to be friends with her only and to cut it off if that's her intentions and she didn't. What do you think is going on? Thanks.

[d0nnivain]

I think you & your HS GF were each other's first loves but you have now outgrown each other. But because this is the only relationship either of you have ever known you can't fathom life without the other so you expand & contract. You aren't together because being together is good for you. You are together because you don't know anything else & you are afraid to be apart.

 

Find the courage to let go. Join the military & go off & explore the world without being tied to her & home.

[Hue_da_da]

I personally have dated multiple people and all Bing 8 months +. She has dated other people but nothing serious like me. We both think were different now but it's true, I hate to let go of someone I love so much, but not in love with. I do need time to grow and see what's out there for me and if the timing is right later on maybe we can try again if the conditions are right and the connection is there.. your input is spot on.