Danicanada Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Hello virtual friends, I posted my situation few months ago. He's 27 and I'm 35. We were together for 2 years and when i mentioned about marriage and kids, he said he's not prepared. I said to him that i want to get married in 2 years and have a baby in 3 years and we could plan but he didn't want to discuss the aim. I had many helpful advices from here saying that i should broke up with him because he had no intention of marrying me. I realized it made sense and so i did. He moved out. I cried for a while but decided to meet new people. I met a really nice guy and we are dating for a month or so. I'm not in love with him and i know i still love my ex. But this guy makes me feel good and i like being with him. We were having dinner once and my ex showed up at the same restaurant. He saw us but we didn't see him. After that, he is calling and texting me begging for a second chance. He said he started therapy and he was afraid of getting married and having kids but he realized he loves me and he wants to be with me. I'm so confused and i have many questions in my mind: Is there any chance that someone can change like that? Should i give him a second chance? How do i know he's really compromised with me? He said he agrees with my timeline for marriage and kids. Should i ask him a proof like a engagement ring? I said i need some time to think about and he asked for how long. I said two months. He's asking me out and he says i cant see that he changed if I'm not hanging out with him. Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Hi I have some questions Okay so you broke up with him How long after did you start to date ? When did you meet the nice guy and do you think if you where single you wouldn't have to think about it ? (I mean you're seeing someone) Link to post Share on other sites
Frostedflake Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Clashing timelines in a relationship are huge. They make you overlook what someone is doing because of what you'd rather they be working toward on your timeline. It's a dangerous game we play. But vital. He says JUST started therapy. That's a flag. It takes so much time to crack a mindset, find out where it's rooted from, and then start a process to fix it. Emphasis on PROCESS. This guy isn't changing overnight. Are you sure he didn't see you at the restaurant? This doesn't sound so coincidental. What's most important here though- is you. You're so ready to put your needs and plans on the backburner for this guy again because he made a verbal baby step. And that's probably all he really has to offer you right now. A bunch of words. Personally, I wouldn't go back. I wouldn't go back to eat a bunch of words that are only there to drag you back to him. I wouldn't put my plans on hold, AGAIN, waiting for him to catch up through what is going to be a long therapy process. I know you love him. But you can love someone and not fit together because you want different things. So in your decision, whatever that may be- I hope you put yourself first this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Danicanada Posted May 5, 2017 Author Share Posted May 5, 2017 Okay so you broke up with him How long after did you start to date ? 3 weeks. When did you meet the nice guy and do you think if you where single you wouldn't have to think about it ? (I mean you're seeing someone) i haven't being through this i dont think i would ever think about it. But i still love my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 He's only saying this stuff because he's jealous that you are with someone else. He hasn't changed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Danicanada Posted May 5, 2017 Author Share Posted May 5, 2017 Exactly. I may not thinking properly because i still love him. I am wondering if there's any way i can realize if he had changed or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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