Recent Dreams and gut feeling to reach out... is there a way to reconcile?

[BrokenHeartedMan89]

Hello LS,

 

I don't know if this is a reach-out for a reminder to keep NC, or whether my gut/subconscious is telling me to do something...

 

Brief Summary:

She broke up with me. It was my first heartbreak.

8 months since BU

4 months NC

Standard needyness and despair after BU

I'm back in good health, mentally and physically.

I've done a lot on introspection, analysis and understanding of the relationship we had.

Last time we met - I asked her to leave me alone as the pain was too great

I've made a lot of changes in my life and self, I'm not the man i was.

 

Basically, in the last couple weeks I've thought about her a lot (dreamt of her a couple of times). My current rebound relationship is on the ropes and I think it's close to a-head, i'm not in love with her, there's no spark so i think i'm going to have to let her go gently. I've learn't a lot whilst with her, and as to why the last one failed, but also why we are not a right fit either (rebound girl). I've made serious changes on my attitude and general understanding of what the foundations of a relationship are. It's taken a heartbreak and a further more emotional communicative relationship for me to really understand what this is all about. Whilst it takes two to break up, i realize now everything i did that was not respectful or fair.

 

Rebound relationship aside...

 

So... I get it. I've changed, I really have. I want to reach out to her and let her know this. I want her to give me a chance to prove this change and how I am the man she wanted in the first place... How do i do it? I guess I still love her, or that missing feeling of being in love.

 

I get that a lot of you will say stay NC and wait for her to contact you... but I asked her not to. Now I just think if I don't try I'll never know. If it took me swimming through the pacific full of sharks for her to give me a second chance i would... I can face the rejection and it'll probably set me back. But at least I'll know she doesn't even consider me as her partner ever.. and I'll get that closure...

 

I appreciate your thoughts, either way and sorry if you're getting fed up with my constant ignorance of advice... I've just got this constant gut feeling...

[sc98cbra]

If you aren't afraid of the potential consequences (i.e., reopening those emotional wounds), I say go for it. The worst that can happen is that she rejects your advances.

 

However, don't go into it guns blazing.

[whatdeww18]

I think it's great that you've done much work on yourself, especially with your first heartbreak and all that has happened after. It's crazy how bad things can compile and compound a situation.

 

So, a couple questions:

 

1. You are still with your rebound?

 

2. How long have you been single?

 

3. Why do you want to show her you have changed?

 

I am assuming you are still with the rebound, you haven't been single, and you want to show her you have changed to be the man she wanted you to be (which may not even be healthy). I think you are still quite hung up on the first break up and you want validation that you have changed for the better.

 

It's not to say that you have done the right thing and this may be the catalyst to a new relationship with your ex. However, she may not be on the same page. She may not want to be in a relationship with you still. She may be in another relationship. She may want nothing to do with you. If you talk to her, it's just another thing you do to push her away.

 

You've done some work to improve yourself. She has to do the same. She left because she thought you were incompatible. You even met with her a few months after the break up, when you had changed. She declined a reconciliation. This is where she needs to do the work and realize that the incompatibilities are worth overlooking, etc. You know the best answer, stay in no contact and let things unfold from her side.

 

Sometimes, it's just not in your control to "fix" the broken relationship. She has her part. I think your gut feeling is from thinking that you know that this is what she wanted before, and now you have done it. I, personally, think the best way for a reconciliation to occur is that she comes to the decision that she wants to talk to you, understand you have changed, and then wants to be with you. Otherwise, you're coercing her into seeing your changes. Ultimately, she may decide it isn't what she wanted and she will be happy to leave again.

 

I truly do wish you happiness and healing from all that has happened. Staying single and shying away from contacting your ex is best, in my opinion. Again, this is my opinion, and you should do what you feel is best.

 

P.S. This pattern seems to happen quite often and you'd be surprised at how many guys come back to Loveshack writing an update about how burned they were from their ex's shutting them down or not getting a response. Trying to save you that update, haha.

[layla21]

I understand you, I really do. It's better to try, give it all with the last shot and see how it plays out even if it might hurt later agian. You just have to be emotionally ready for all possible outcomes.

 

I guess I still love her, or that missing feeling of being in love.

 

 

Just want to keep you from this hurt - are you sure you don't just miss the relationship itself (based on this vague sentence)? Don't get me wrong, I've been a dumpee as well and sometimes I ask myself this question whenever I feel down and have this longing to reach out.

[Sweetfish]

That statement of you being that man she wanted you to be.... the idea that you will swim thru sharks for another chance and that your still in the rebound relationship..

 

Your playing your self in my opinion...

[springy]

From your first post here:

"I can see now how she was very narcissistic in nature (never heard of the word before until someone told me she sounded like one). She was 4 years younger and acted childish… She constantly went on about how ‘special’ she was, how she was a ‘princess’ and deserved/entitled to special treatment and money – my bank balance proved that… Her ‘me’ time was spent dancing/singing in front of the mirror looking at herself… She was manipulative and belittled her parents and friends, she often ‘jokingly’ took the piss out of me… she occasionally went in to a rage at me over the smallest of disagreements… even complained that i’d left her for 30 mins to help out my elderly mum to help her with the shopping… all of the red flags above I ignored… blinded by love…

 

I did feel like a ‘white knight’ at times… doing more than my share in the relationship… (I did 80% of the commuting/dinners) but I was happy doing so because i loved her, I see how it was ‘toxic’ in ways.. and I didn’t communicate properly in fear that she’d leave me.. I can see how a more emotional girl/less narcissistic self-serving person would be better for me… but I can’t shake the notion from my head that I should’ve done things differently! That if i’d not done some things we’d still be together and we’d be that ‘team’ she wanted… although i did everything she asked of me…

 

I feel even stupider that I even let it go on for as long as it did"

 

This doesn't sound like good relationship material. I think it's kind of crummy that you are in a relationship with someone else, who apparently doesn't mean much to you, and still pining for your ex, thinking of ways to get her back. Maybe you should end that and focus on getting better. Date, but don't "relate" with anyone until you're a little further along in your healing.

 

You state you don't care if you get rejected - so go for it but for heaven's sake, free up the woman you're using as a band aid first.

Edited February 24, 2017 by springy

[whatdeww18]

From your first post here:

"I can see now how she was very narcissistic in nature (never heard of the word before until someone told me she sounded like one). She was 4 years younger and acted childish… She constantly went on about how ‘special’ she was, how she was a ‘princess’ and deserved/entitled to special treatment and money – my bank balance proved that… Her ‘me’ time was spent dancing/singing in front of the mirror looking at herself… She was manipulative and belittled her parents and friends, she often ‘jokingly’ took the piss out of me… she occasionally went in to a rage at me over the smallest of disagreements… even complained that i’d left her for 30 mins to help out my elderly mum to help her with the shopping… all of the red flags above I ignored… blinded by love…

 

I did feel like a ‘white knight’ at times… doing more than my share in the relationship… (I did 80% of the commuting/dinners) but I was happy doing so because i loved her, I see how it was ‘toxic’ in ways.. and I didn’t communicate properly in fear that she’d leave me.. I can see how a more emotional girl/less narcissistic self-serving person would be better for me… but I can’t shake the notion from my head that I should’ve done things differently! That if i’d not done some things we’d still be together and we’d be that ‘team’ she wanted… although i did everything she asked of me…

 

I feel even stupider that I even let it go on for as long as it did"

 

This doesn't sound like good relationship material. I think it's kind of crummy that you are in a relationship with someone else, who apparently doesn't mean much to you, and still pining for your ex, thinking of ways to get her back. Maybe you should end that and focus on getting better. Date, but don't "relate" with anyone until you're a little further along in your healing.

 

You state you don't care if you get rejected - so go for it but for heaven's sake, free up the woman you're using as a band aid first.

 

I think the OP's first thread is an example of something all too natural in moving on from the break up: to demonize an ex to some extent.

 

You finally get to a point out of that desperation, as a dumpee, and you see the relationship from both sides. You see it wasn't all your fault and your ex had some fault in the break up as well. Add to this...

 

All the pain and advice from people to help appease it, "oh cmon man you're worth so much more. She isn't worth it." And they give their two cents based on the things said from one side. It culminates to a point where you paint your ex as the "bad girl/guy." It does help with moving on, especially during those dark times.

 

However, as time passes and you heal further; you realize it's all part of a normal relationship. Many women love to feel adored, like a princess. It felt like a lot of time and money went into the relationship. It's now that you can see even more clearly. Probably not clearly but closer to it than before.

 

Again, this is just my opinion and what I can gather from break ups happening around me. It's fascinating how many break ups follow a pattern. So, what I would suggest is continue working on yourself and healing OP. You will have time and IF your ex comes back to you, you can decide then if what you experienced is worth working on with her. No point in wasting precious healing energy into thinking about that now.

 

Lastly, I would have to agree wholeheartedly with springy. Please, stop using this rebound girl as a stepping stone to your path of healing. Although, it may help some to get over a break up, it does not justify hurting a rebound and taking time away from him/her finding someone who will truly love her/him.

 

I really don't think you should break no contact. I think if you really don't care about the outcome of breaking no contact, you wouldn't be wondering whether you should. Either you would have done it already and used it to get over her or you're hoping there's this small glimmer of hope that it may spark something. I'm going to guess the latter. Even if the hope for that chance is small, you're still going to feel the pain.

 

Single. No contact. Just you. More you. All you. I think this is all you should be focusing on for now. Really, wishing you the best in any scenario.

[Ronni_W]

But at least I'll know she doesn't even consider me as her partner ever.. and I'll get that closure...

Do what you gotta do; what your gut is telling you to do.

 

Either way, there are gonna be inherent growth opportunities available to you; and, as long as you do, sooner or later, learn from your experiences or the outcomes of your efforts, then they are, as a collective, classified as worthwhile endeavours.

[Bromeo]

Op,

 

Please read my tale as an example of what not to do.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/603033-bromeo-needs-vent

 

Our situations are amazingly similar. Mine ghosted me after 18 months, and played games for a straight 3-4 months after. Every time I'd back off, she'd cast the string. I finally went nc for good late December. She sent two emails mid January, and attempted to start her games back up anew. This time it only lasted a week before I called her, delineated my grievances, told her she didn't deserve me, and told her not to contact me. She recently deleted our pics off FB.

 

A week ago I was in the same place, thinking I was too harsh, should I say something, etc.

 

Hell no. Every. Single. Thing. I tried to do was rejected. I'll die before I reach out again.

 

Please understand that reaching out will do absolutely no good. None. Unless your ex, or mine is in the mindset for reconciliation, you are in for more hurt. This was a painful lesson for me to learn.

 

I was also in the same place regarding closure. Now that you've told her not to contact you, she will either leave you alone, giving you the peace and closure you need, or want to reconcile, plain and simple. There is no need for additional outreaches.

 

Stay angry, I imagine mine getting plowed by the mopes at her bar. Allows me to maintain discipline.

 

Dave

[BrokenHeartedMan89]

Hello LS,

 

Thank you for your sincere thoughts. I appreciate your feedback positive and negative. I hope you can bear with me through what is likely to be a lengthy post... I'll try not to repeat the same info that's in my other posts which some of you have taken the time to read as well (thank you for caring that much to read the back story!). I'll try not to waffle and get to the points i'm trying to get across and I guess a general brain dump as I need to get it all out of my head.

 

I'd like to elaborate on the 'rebound' relationship... When we started seeing each other, I was a mess. I told her everything and explained how I was still strung up on my ex. I then broke off the relationship with her and said I shouldn't be in a relationship with her until I was happy alone and I had cleared my head of the ex that haunted me. A couple of months passed and we started hanging out as Friends again. Slowly the friendship became a bit more romantic and we spent a lot of time together. She knows me inside out and she was exposed (at the time) to some very raw and emotional side of me... like she saw a lot of what my 'core code' is in a way... if you get me...

 

But I wasn't okay during this time, I was always honest with her. After my mother got the all-clear from the cancer I seemed to collapse. My requirement to be strong wasn't needed any more and the depression set in, I was in a really bad way! I had to go on meds (albeit weak ones) and seek professional help. She helped me through all this when she could've just walked away, I asked her to leave at times, she refused to. And by all accounts, she very well could of saved my life. I owe her tremendously for this and I struggle with the guilt that I put her through all this pain which she took on as her own daily. I was clear with her through this what seemed to be causing it, including the thoughts and confusion over my ex (which I'll come to your points about her later). Fast forward to the start of this year and I decided I wasn't going to let it rule me any more. I strapped on a pair and i got myself back on an even keel, again a lot of this is thanks for her, but ultimately, I had to get my own arse out of it.

 

So, during this time (Jan/Early Feb) I had to be a bit more selfish than i'd like in terms of getting on top of things in my head. And deciding what was best for me. I don't think there is any other way to really get you out of it. I know our relationship suffered in this time as she felt like I was treating her as second best (to me). We argued more and I felt what magic there was... fade, she felt like I didn't 'need' her any more, i'd withdrawn the emotions that had been on the surface for so long.

 

Okay.. so, where we're at now. She feels like I owe her.. I feel like i owe her. I owe her a fair shot on an unbiased perspective unclouded from the (****ty) start of our time together. She sees a lot of everything she's ever wanted in a man from me. She's been hurt before (cheated on) by what sounds like scumbag men. But she's grateful for that, as it's meant she'd never have met me otherwise. Because of her past, she's very strong willed and knows exactly what she expects from a partner in a relationship. Respect, Trust, Communication, Support, Honesty. She's career driven, ambitious, independent, sexy, caring and very loving. Her Ex's are fools to have let her go, never mind cheat. Because she was there when I sobbed my heart out (as friends at the time) and explained how i did everything to please my ex. Now she's wondering why i'm not doing so for her. She's insecure about us, and she's scared she'll never be enough for me because she's not her, in truth in many ways she's a hell of a lot better.

 

Right, as for me. Embarrassingly, these are really the only two relationships I've ever had. One which I fought like crazy to keep and yet broke me, and another which has been a crutch to save me. Other than these two I've only had a few short 'seeing' each other relationships through university some 5+ years ago. So, my experience in both of these scenarios has been amateur, scary and completely new. Another thing is, I've got a lot of stuff going on in my life right now... (buying a flat/land deals worth ££££££/fitness challenges) and It all pails in to insignificance now compared to these matters of morality... I guess now I've had something that made me so happy I want it back and I'll do anything to get there again. So, i'm a beginner and that's in a large way, why I've come to seek guidance here.

 

So, bearing in mind i'm like a child about to march in to a battlefield of the Somme. I'm absolutely bewildered and uneducated in a lot of ways. What I thought was 'right' about my relationship with my ex was wrong. What I thought was 'sufficient' to do on my behalf with my ex was not. I made mistakes, she made mistakes. I see that now and it wasn't healthy nor natural. I'm not explaining this very well, but what i'm trying to get across is, that through my time with my 2nd 'relationship' I've learn't a lot about what's right... and what's not. Basically through what she's learn't through her own experiences, i've tried to learn as well. As such we seem to have to talk about this stuff a lot, which I find is almost un-natural in itself.

 

Imagine I'm like a attentive school kid staying behind to catch up on lessons, I'm making mistakes but I'm working overtime to try make up for the lack of education so far. If you understand me... Had I not persisted with the relationship (2) i'd not of come to understand the downfall and problems in relationship (1). Selfish of me think of it this way I know, but I'm just being honest. If i hadn't gotten a grip of how it fell apart, it's my closure of a sort... as I wasn't able to get any from the ex. I'd still be going around in circles in my head trying to figure it all out, as such i'd probably be still in the dark throws of depression. I know this is selfish but I needed it I guess. In principle basically I've recognized patterns of behavior similar between the two, reactions that are almost identical yet worded differently. But relationship (2) is willing to explain and communicate these grievances, whereas relationship (1) saw it as too much work, blamed in on incompatibility and threw what we had away. I know now that I can't rely on someone else as my source of happiness.. I'm more aware, probably more selfish... and guarded i suppose.

 

It's been hellish, yes its been horrible, I've had to apologize, make mistakes, suffer, but I've learn't like a sponge in custard. How my actions have to reflect respect for my partner, learning things i should really know by now. (Think of my partner before myself in determining my actions). I've gone from googling how to 'get your girlfriend back, to get over first love, to how to get over depression, to googling all the behaviors that ruin relationships/mistakes and attitudes. It's been my only real focus in the last 7 months of my life despite the rest of my life moving on (developments worth 10s and 100s of thousands of pounds in my career/personal life).

 

Ok... maybe I was trying to validate my thoughts that me ex had NPD before. In truth I needed that to justify to myself that she wasn't 'the one'. I haven't written anything that wasn't the truth however, albeit from my perspective. If she doesn't have NPD, she definitely has a lot of characteristics of it. No doubt... 'sense of entitlement' 'princess' 'always someone else's fault - unable to accept blame', . I do however wonder if my actions which I've subsequently realized weren't right were in some part responsible for some of those characteristics to grow stronger - the 'belittling' and 'distance/ghosting' ... somewhat the triangulation - saying I had 'side bitches'. What I can be proud of is that I loved her unconditionally (albeit naively) and I was a 'great boyfriend and great guy' as she said... I am proud to say that i am one of them 'nice guys'.... But I let things slide that wasn't fair or respectful of a partner. These things possibly caused her to react like she did, resentment built rather than be communicated. Hence why it all ended out of the blue and blindsided me like it did. She once said to me we weren't 'a team'... I reacted by trying to please her more and more, in reality it was a mind-set shift that was required, not selfless actions. I had to stop my discourse of living my life as an individual trying to please (all others) and rather look at what we needed and how to live as a partnership, with trust and respect, listen to those grievances and really adapt. This applies to how I look at maintaining an adult-adult relationship with my parents rather than a child/adult relationship.... I've learn't this the hard way... the very hard way.

 

Okay it feels like i'm writing a dissertation again... sorry. If any of you are still reading i'll try and summarize more concisely. I'll maybe bullet point to be more succinct.

 

Update on Relationship (2).

1. Spent the weekend with her and had a heart to heart again on Saturday night. We both expressed what we felt was wrong and how moving forward it needed to improve in aspects. I spoke of my fears that she doesn't get my sense of humor. I worry we're not compatible when i say something in jest and she takes it personally... i call it banter. I explained how she can't compare me to the guy i was before with my ex, because I am not the guy i was before. She explained her anxiousness and fears which I tried to alleviate. She agreed that our constant 'chats' weekly were not right and that it was spoiling what is (95%) of the time, having a good/fun time together. I agreed that I had to look forward thinking of us rather than me, which i'd done through jan/feb to get my head straight. But also because it's kind of deep rooted in my psyche from being single a long time... something i should've learn't before relationship (1).

 

2. We have a lot planned this month, trips and activities - I feel it's only fair to her to try and move forward with a fresh outlook and see if what we have blossoms. But if the drama we're having now persists I will have to end it.. she agreed this on Saturday. Hopefully our chat from Saturday helps this be better...

 

3. I want to give her a chance. That sounds arrogant, but I guess i've only really been in a place to let 'someone in' really for the last month or so, despite us being together for 4... I regret not healing on my own first. I feel guilty for what I did to her. I've said all this to her and apologiesed and said honestly how I want us to have a good shot at it.

 

Right, think that's the update on that. So my other thoughts... subconsciously

 

1. I had dreams after ex and I broke up, these stopped months ago - Nov/Dec 16 thank God.. Since the troubles in R(2) this past week/two. I've dreamt of her 3 times. All of the dreams have essentially been the same and involve me basically discussing and talking with her. (last night it was in some weird room at a Uni, last week it was at a dinner table, another one outside a house waiting for a taxi)... common theme is in them all i'm subconsciously pining for 'closure' in whatever form it is... I'm seeking her approval... forgiveness... something?!?

 

I don't know if she came back i'd truly be happy with her now like i was before. I just want these dreams to stop.

 

Overall ... I'm tired. Really bloody tired. Life was a lot easier when I just hit the gym and played games but I can't regress like that now. I am where I am, I just need help deciding my way forward.

 

So .. In my head, I'm thinking I need a plan. 'A man without a plan returns to his past'.

 

 

1. Go through this next month with R(2) with an open mind/heart and give it a 'good go'.(She's a really great girl and if I let her go without really trying, I fear i'll regret letting go of someone that loves me unconditionally and has so many amazing traits.

 

2. March goes good - great - crack on April/May/Future...

 

3. March doesn't go great - sorry, let her go and move on... If i'm not going to fall for her I need to let her go for someone out there who will.

 

4. (only applies to 3). Stay single for a while and get used to it, then date and until i don't relate as suggested... maybe book a solo trip travelling for a few months to see parts of the world.

 

5. Pursuant to no 4... If I keep looking back in hope then... I will have to reach out. Just to close it off for good or see if that hope that I guess is still there somewhere can be fanned back to life... (considering I really am not the same). Maybe she won't like the new me, but I can't help but feel as if I've become the man she wanted. Both R(1) and R(2) have moulded me my mindset from the what it was last year. After all, people get back together... but the change from what broke the original has to be real and lasting.. which I believe it is. It's not like I cheated, in ways i just hadn't grown up.

 

I guess that's my thoughts... i'd appreciate any advice or thoughts on it... good and bad..

 

In response to those that have input;

 

Layla21 - thanks for your advice and trying to keep me from going backwards. I'll bear your advice in mind.

 

Sweetfish - can you elaborate on the 'playing yourself'? I'll be prepared for any and all outcomes, thank you.

 

Springy - true, there are some characteristics there I overlooked. It is **** of me yes, I should've got my head straight then if it was right got back with R(2) about now, instead of months ago. Truth of the matter is... (from her own words) she's glad I did, otherwise she'd have moved on and not given me a chance. She only gives people one chance as she's been hurt before. She thanked me at the weekend that I've healed her as much as she has healed me... (she said she didn't think she could open up and trust someone that would accept her for who she is.. like i do)..

 

Basically I know it's **** and not right... but it is what it is... I wish it was different. Hell if i'd met her 1st rather than my ex i'd probably be married to he by now.. But don't get me wrong, I do care for her, I respect her... i in a way love her... but i don't feel that same gut feeling i did before with R(1)...

 

Whatdeww18 - thank you for your advice, very thoughtful and well written. I guess, yes you're right. There is a glimmer of hope that it may spark something. Perhaps that's because the door was left open in a number of ways...

 

Ronni_W - Thanks for your comment, i am certainly learning and growing from this....

 

Bromeo - I've read your multiple threads before and yes our situations are quite similar yet different. I'm not angry at her despite what she's done. i just want her to do well with or without me. I do tend to agree that I need to wait for her to come back to me... of her own accord... thanks though Dave!

 

Thank you ladies and gents.

(and sorry this is a short novel)

 

ps. What does 'OP' refer to :?

[whatdeww18]

Wow that was an essay to read. I think I got through most of it without skimming.

 

To begin, OP refers to the Original Poster, you.

 

I'm glad what I wrote made sense to you haha. It was some things to take in. I'm going to make my post as concise as possible

 

So the hard things about rebounds, are usually they are with people that you are truly incompatible with. However, you seem to have found a keeper. It may be the odds of life. With a rebound, they give you a crutch to help you get over the desperation of the end of a relationship. Usually, after this, you can properly grieve your first relationship and assort your feelings. As you don't seem like you want to give up on this great girl, this is a tough situation. It's either you completely give up on your ex, in all shapes and forms, and stay with the new girl or dump the new girl and get yourself sorted out, alone. Of course, it is not really possible to just wipe your ex out of your heart so easily.

 

So the scenario I would like to give you is:

1. Block, delete, clear everything that involves your ex. You will cease talking about her, will not reply to her, and will have nothing to do with her. Even if she comes to your door. You will be with this new girl. Everything.

 

2. You dump new girl. As you cannot give yourself fully to her, she deserves someone that will truly give his all to her. If you cannot do option 1, you go to this option. You stay single for a while and deal with all this.

 

Any other option besides these two is not fair to your new girl. Wasn't really fair to this new girl to get into a relationship with when you still did not have yourself figured out.

 

Scientifically, dreams are manifestations of what is going on in your subconscious. If you are still dreaming about your ex, you are still thinking about her and ultimately holding out this hope. I will elaborate for Sweetfish and what he had said. You are playing yourself saying you are over her and thinking that you wouldn't give her a second chance. It is true that it wouldn't be the same or that your views of her are possibly characteristic of NPD, but it doesn't hide the fact that you would give her this chance. As such, when you stop thinking about all these "what if's" or "if I do this" stuff, the dreams will eventually cease. As you have said, they are closure dreams as you still don't feel like you have it. Closure comes from within. You identify your self-worth, and realize, you are worth someone that would have stuck through fire with you.

 

Second chances are beyond what you should be thinking about right now. It's simply about healing from your ex. You HAVE to get over the failure of the relationship and to stop thinking about her and what she thinks/feels/if she matured, etc. It's her job. Usually, I tell people to do this full force that way, if the ex does come back, you will be in the best place to judge whether a second chance is worth it or not. For you, you must heal to either stay in the relationship you have gotten yourself in and not hurt this nice girl or get out of it and save yourself and this girl a lot of pain.

 

I hope this post makes sense. I really am wishing you the best!

 

-WhatDEWWWWW