caught between past, present and the future.

[bobross91]

Hey! i wasn't exactly sure where to post this but i thought it would be interesting here!

 

My ex girlfriend broke up with me at the end January, we had been going out for just over a year(no one cheated, it was just one of those things). It was horrible, and i was a mess. but from that relationship i learn so much about myself! She is a really good friend, we met at uni and we're about to start our 3rd year and we will be working together in a project.

 

I needed summer to get over her, and I'm not sure i am 100% there. I don't know how i will feel when i actually see her again. I always thought, maybe after summer break, when we start working together and seeing each other, something might happen? A second chance?

 

But i didn't want to focus on that because who know what is around the corner, and as it turn out. I've met another lady, she is lovely and caring! But i feel deep down that i'm scared of opening myself up to someone again, and part of me is still hoping to rekindle things with my ex.

 

Some advice would help me allot!

[Satu]

Welcome to Loveshack.

 

 

From my journal:

 

 

"Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before.

 

Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before.

 

By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future.

 

The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb. Some short term counselling if that appeals to you.

 

'Get back on the horse' is sound advice, but its best to let the cuts and bruises heal before you do."

 

 

Only you, can know where you stand, re moving on.

 

It can take from months to years, depending on the individual.

 

 

Take care.

Edited September 9, 2016 by Satu

[DarrenB]

Your situation sounds like one, quite ALOT of people would actually love to be in. To be civil and have that contact with their ex... especially if they're the dumper.

 

Think of it like this though, she broke up with you. That's the main critical piece of analysis you have to take from this, regardless of reason or excuse as to why. You're in a position where you can keep her as a friend. Alot of people would advise not to do this, but if you do wish to continue having her in your life, don't force out reconciliation of your past R/S with her. Because that will definitely ruin your friendship that you have.

 

As for this new girl you have met, do NOT jeopardize any type of potential there, just for some hope that you believe you still have in rekindling your spark with an ex. Because in hindsight, you might end up losing both and that will put you in an entirely different (worse) situation.

 

Know your limitations with your ex, know your restrictions as well. It's hard to have someone who you was once so intimate and loving with as 'just a friend' and never would I really think it would be considered a healthy or reasonable thing to do. Just be wary and keep things progressing with this new lady.

 

Wish you the best of luck mate!

[bobross91]

Your situation sounds like one, quite ALOT of people would actually love to be in. To be civil and have that contact with their ex... especially if they're the dumper.

 

Think of it like this though, she broke up with you. That's the main critical piece of analysis you have to take from this, regardless of reason or excuse as to why. You're in a position where you can keep her as a friend. Alot of people would advise not to do this, but if you do wish to continue having her in your life, don't force out reconciliation of your past R/S with her. Because that will definitely ruin your friendship that you have.

 

As for this new girl you have met, do NOT jeopardize any type of potential there, just for some hope that you believe you still have in rekindling your spark with an ex. Because in hindsight, you might end up losing both and that will put you in an entirely different (worse) situation.

 

 

 

Know your limitations with your ex, know your restrictions as well. It's hard to have someone who you was once so intimate and loving with as 'just a friend' and never would I really think it would be considered a healthy or reasonable thing to do. Just be wary and keep things progressing with this new lady.

 

Wish you the best of luck mate!

 

 

 

Thank for your advice Satu and DarrenB its really helpful to hear other peoples views!

 

As you said, i should know my boundaries with my ex, and the past is the past. I wont talk to her about it anymore! But i know, as im writing this, there still that part of me that wants to try again. This is just something ill have to ignore and hopefully with time it will fade. But if her feelings changed, i would have to think about it.

as a side note, i thought if she wanted me back i would go. but recently, i don't know if i would. it would be something i would have to really think about.

 

I wont say anything to the new girl, its early days yet. I never thought i would meet someone else in summer, so who know what will happen in the next couple of months!

[bobross91]

Ok, so here is an update.

 

im at uni now, and me and this new girl are together and im very happy!

 

im still working with my ex and tonight me and my ex went out and just had a chat. well we ended up talking about all our sexual adventures after we separated. and a bit about our relationship. she said she bought a dildo so i went back to hers to see it. we had a laugh and everything was fine.

 

my girlfriend still knows we still talk and that im working with her. ive been honest and said we went out as friends. and she is freaked out about that fact we still talk.

 

ive been left feeling confused, just been a wierd night. i thought me and my ex wouldn't talk about the things we did. she actually showed me her dildo and i was waving it around. haha and my ex freaks out aswell, but i understand why she did. (i didnt tell her about going back to my ex or the dildo thing)